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Rachel O.
 Feb 1, 08 - 10:36 AM |
Pregnancy and Medication
So I am kind of upset right now, and not really sure where to turn. I am getting married in March, my fiance and I have talked about having kids quite a bit, and last time we talked we decided that we will try after we are married for 6 months. Well talking about this last night a relization came to mind, and I don't think I am going to be able to have kids now. And I knew my chance was slim, and was perfectly fine with adopting, but it is really getting to me right now. I am 21 and have been sick the majority of my life. I have endometriosis, interstitial cystitis, fibromyalgia, ashtma, as well as a few smaller problems, and have been through 12 surgeries up to last summer. So which all of this I didn't know if I would be able to get pregnant, let alone carry a baby full term if I did, and if I happen to if I would be so sick in the hospital most of the time. But I wanted to fulfill what I felt was my duty as a woman here on earth, and it just breaks my heart and makes me feel like way less of a woman that there is a good chance I can't. My fiance is well aware of all of this and knew when he proposed we probably wouldn't have our own kids. So here is the biggest dilemma. I am on several medications, presciption and natural that would kill my baby if I took them while pregnant. Well when I have tried to get off any of them it almost puts me in the ER, and feel like I am going to die. I have tried several times to wean off them, go to half a pill for a couple of weeks, a fourth a pill, etc. My fiance was scared for my life with how sick it made me to try to get off them. I couldn't sleep, eat, keep any down, barely move, like function at all physically, mentally, emotionally, that I ended up having to get back on them so I didn't die. He does not want me to try to get off them again. He told me that my life and health is far more important to him than having babies of our own. For the longest time I figured I would be adopting, but did have a little hope to have children of my own. And I know it can take years to adopt, and I want children soon. And it is going to kill to have to explain to my family I can't have kids cause I can't get off my pills. I don't know how to handle this. I feel worthless, depressed, and feel so much less of a woman and person. I just don't understand how my fiance would want to marry someone who can't bare children because he wants a big family, and wants to be a Dad within the next few years. Anyways I just feel heartbroken, I feel like I am suppose to be a mother and have children and that I am worthless to my fiance and to God, as well as my family, if I can't bare Gods children. Any words of advice how to handle this? Thanks, Rachel |
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Steph
Feb 1st, 2008 - 7:31 PM |
Re: Pregnancy and Medication
Oh Love!  I wish I could say I know how you feel, but my situation is a little different in that I just plain can't have kids (or at least I can get pregnant but each time in the past I've miscarried). I was just married in December (my past pregnancies were before God and my husband came into my life) and my husband often seems more okay with this than I am. Have you considered talking with your pastor? Perhaps you guys can do some premarital counseling and discuss it then; perhaps, your counselor can offer you some advice and help your fiance help you. I know it is rough and hard to believe but being a mother is so much more than giving birth. I'm not sure if you have read some of my old posts but my childhood wasn't exactly great and there are women in my life who I considered to be my "mom" more than my physical mother. Not being able to "have" children of your own does not make you a failure, it gives you an opportunity to be a mother to someone (or many someones) who might not have the chance to find that love anywhere else. And for some of us that is God's calling for us - to bring love to places we never knew we could. Now don't think that I have it all together because there are many many nights where I am despondent over my infertility and all my husband can do is hold me as I cry. Sometimes he tells me that God's role for me will reveal itself and I will be satisfied with it, and other times he just holds me and reminds me that I could never disappoint him. Sometimes I even believe him. Anyway, I hope this at least helps you to know that you are not alone! I'll be praying for you.God bless and keep you, Steph |
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Lori
Feb 3rd, 2008 - 3:15 PM |
Re: Pregnancy and Medication
"'I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord. 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future'" (Jeremiah 29:11) Heavenly Father, I thank you that we have this place to gather us women who are suffering with infertility or thoughts of it. Lord, I ask you to supply all their needs in Christ Jesus. To bring healing of the soul and mind. Please bring your peace to these situations and healing of out bodies where it is your will for our lives. Word of God speak to Rachel and help her to know your love that surpasses all understanding. Reign down your Holy Spirit onto this forum and site. Thank you for answering our prayers, In Jesus name, amen. Lori 
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Heaven
Feb 3rd, 2008 - 9:10 PM |
Re: Pregnancy and Medication
Rachel O and Steph: I feel your pain. The pain of infertility can be overwhelming. Your husband is right Steph. God does have a plan for you. i am not trying to make light of your pain -the buckets of tears I have shed over this issue of waiting on the LORD for children. Most of my 20's lived out in tremendous pain from one surgery only to hope for another. We always felt God would have me to carry though it was absolutely impossible medically speaking. Our faith was stretched and in my pain I even cried out for God to take my life once in emergency. I was just so desperate. For us adoption would have been outside of God's will though plenty of people suggested it over the course of 8 years. I have nothing against adoption and have two adopted sisters who I love as my blood. God has given me overflowing love for them and well if God can do that in a sister relationship then think about what kind of love He would give in a Mother situation. I wish you all had children. I wish there was no such a thing as infertility. God may you comfort these women who bear the heartache of having no children. Reveal your plan for them and help them to heal. Much love, Heaven |
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Robin H
Feb 3rd, 2008 - 10:13 PM |
Re: Pregnancy and Medication
It's interesting when reality, a reality we don't want to face hits us between the eyes. I've been married for nearly 10 years and we were never able to conceive and last year I had a hysterectomy. Your fiance loves YOU, not your uterus or your ability to have children. That is why he wants to marry you. God has granted you a big, loving and caring heart. He will not let that gift go to waste. It may not manifest itself in the way you thought it would - in fact, it will probably be even better! Things change so rapidly in the medical world. So do not write things off yet. Doctors can work with you to try and change you medication to allow you to conceive and have a successful pregnancy. It may not necessarily work, but there are possibilities. One thing I cling to is that God did not teach us about limits - He taught us to move mountains. Enjoy this time of planning your life with your husband-to-be. Focus on developing a loving, caring relationship. Let God work out the details of children in your lives. Keep things God-centered and remember that you have a purpose and that your suffering further unites you with Jesus. Let go and let God. It sounds like a cliche, but it is so freeing. Sending prayers and hugs your way. Enjoy this time as an engaged couple! Robin H |
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Rachel O.
Feb 4th, 2008 - 7:17 AM |
Re: Pregnancy and Medication
Thank you for your caring words and prayers! It helped a lot! It is hard when you plan for something your whole life, than feel like that purpose you felt why you are here on earth is taken away from you! I have never felt like I was to be a working woman. Yes I got a degree and am working and planning to work as much as I physically can with all the health problems, but I always felt like I wanted to be a Mom first and forth most, and that one of the most important things about getting married is to bring forth children. And I just was feeling like I had completely failed my purpose here, God's purpose for me, my purpose as a wife to my fiance. But you all have given me hope and realization, that there are other options for me, and that God probably has different plans for me here on earth than the plans I had for myself. So I will try to stay positive, and look at the whole picture, and try to remember that God and my fiance loves me despite my ability to possibly have my own children! Thank you for your help and comforting words! Love, Rachel |
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Lori
Feb 4th, 2008 - 3:04 PM |
Re: Pregnancy and Medication
Hello again! I have been praying about what scripture goes along with your post and all the answers, so here goes dear Rachel.  Lets see what the Bible has to say. Foremost -We were created FOR HIM~ Col 1:16 For by Him all things were created that are in heaven and that are on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or principalities or powers. All things were created through Him and FOR HIM. Rev 4:11 "You are worthy, O Lord,To receive glory and honor and power; For You created all things, And by YOUR WILL they exist and were created." Psa 139:13 -16 For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother's womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well. My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them. above David wrote that God knew all about him while he was being formed in his mother's womb. God had all his days planned before his birth. From these passages we learn that God has a divine plan and is the author of life. He allows conception and withholds conception. God is sovereign and possesses all wisdom and knowledge. Rom 11:36 For of Him and through Him and to Him are all things, to whom be glory forever. Amen. Also John 1:3 states that Jesus is the Creator and Genesis 1:1 states that God was the Creator. In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through Him, and without Him nothing was made that was made. John 1:1-3 So the bottom line Rachel is that God, the one and only God who is creator of the universe loves you so much as he formed you in the womb and planned your days before birth. The Bible tells us that Jesus died for each one of us and that can bring the ultimate joy that can surpass all the troubles of this life to those who believe in the message of the cross- which the message is salvation. The marvelous and glorious gift of salvation was purchased on the cross by the Lord Jesus Christ who was Almighty God in the flesh. On the cross, the Bible says, the Lord Jesus Christ bore our sins(all of our sins) in His own body (1 Peter 2:24) and received the punishment and judgment from God the Father that we justly deserve for our sins. "He was wounded for our iniquities [sins]; the chastisement of our peace was upon him, and with his stripes [or wounds] we are healed" (Isaiah 53:5). We cannot do anything here to earn our way to him from having babies here or not. It comes from belief and trust in what HE DID. I hope that you remain encouraged dear and remain knowing that it is all about His leading for your life as the others said here. The roadmap is the bible alone. Well I guess I can go on and on and carry on about things you did not even ask about. HE CAN MOVE THE MOUNTAINS!!! Lori Scripture on the site today- But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions -- it is by grace you have been saved. Ephesians 2:4-5 
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