Can't stop moving: I feel like crying and hiding under a rock
I am turning 31 on the 6th and was just told I have Parkinson's.
I started about a year ago noticing movement in my right hand my pinkie just rhythmically jerks like I'm hearing music. It wasn't happening all the time, but in the past 4 months when I'm relaxed or sleeping my whole hand and fingers move and twitch on their own and it's not something I can hide anymore. It's downright frustrating, I've tried sitting on my hand and ace bandaging my hand and wrapped to my body at night. I don't know what to do. It's embarrassing going out in public. I avoid at all costs going out. I used to wood burn and paint and sculpt and just holding the burner, I can't keep my hand steady enough to even do what I love. I'm not a negative person by any means and I can accept this. I just don't know what to expect. With the shaking I have occasional throat and tongue paralysis for 10 seconds to 30. It feels like hours and it's scary because it hurts down in my throat and I can't get it to stop. I have two young children and I am divorcing. I'm worried my children will be taken from me if he finds out. I want to keep my job, but it's becoming difficult. Today I lost my balance and fell over a toilet and onto the floor and landed on a scale; resulting in a breakage. I'm a professional residential cleaner. I also do computer repair as a second job and my third job I occasionally clean out apartments. I'm very active and I can't imagine not working. But I've noticed its wearing me down and the stiffness and weakness and numbness throughout my body, I feel like death walking. I have to wake up 45 min before I used to get up one year ago just to stretch and rise out of my bed. It helps to get my blood flowing and the movement to come to me. I sat down tonight and just cried my eyes out. I have spiritual books, I have my bible, I have healthy diet books; I have celiac disease so I'm gluten free all the time. I just don't know what to do. I feel like giving up. But I can't and it just makes everything that much more difficult. I feel absolutely alone. My boyfriend is distant, he doesn't understand and I don't blame him. I really don't understand this disease at all. I had never heard of it before.
My kids notice my hand shaking like crazy and I have never lied to my kids but I told them, mommy is just practicing to be a morse code operator. They are young so they bought it. That's my only humor from this.
I feel like when I try and stop it it just gets more violent in shaking. And anyone that knows just looks at me with sad eyes and they say but you are so young. I'm truly a calm and collected individual but when I hear that or see the sad eyes, for some reason I just want to smack the crap out of them. I don't want anyone to know. I don't know why. Maybe it's the fear of being vulnerable and more alone. Any thoughts or advice would be great. I just don't know what to do.