I have only had 1 gf, but I am terrified of another relationship after this, I thank you in advance. "Ex" was my best friend for 1.5 years and we talked everyday and I basically became another member of her family. When I met her, we became closer than we had with anyone else in our lives and she told me she has sociopathic tendencies. She always told me the same fantastic sob story about her ex and I, being an "empathy" felt very sorry for her and wanted to de everything I could to help her recover. It scared me, but I stayed in the friendship because of the constant love-bombing she had been giving me for the first 4 or so months. "Ex" was saying she was in love with me since she met me, but it was hard for me to believe after she told me she had cut and drank after what her ex did to her and was still in love with him. Basically, for 15 or so months I played Mr. Therapist for her and helped her calm down after her breakdowns and emotional cycles. I got her to stop hurting herself and we became happy as ever, as friends. Around the holidays she changed a lot, and I was starting to fall for her. She proclaimed her love and desire to marry me and I was her everything etc. shortly after, then I finally asked her out because I honestly felt she was the one. She never spoke of her ex again and we were both happier than ever in fact I was happier than ever in my life. The first 4 months were ideal, perfect, amazing. Barely any conflicts arose. On my birthday she gave me an 8x10 of me and her as a present. I was convinced she was the one at that point. We never had sex, because we agreed to wait until engagement or marriage. She mirrored all of my thoughts and opinions back to me the whole time I knew her, basically. Then, this year when school started her friends all hated me because I believe in God and they are atheists and some Satanists. Ex started to ignore me more and more each day and soon she barely even noticed me at all. After 1.5 months of waiting for her to come around, she called me crying and said she was tired of all the drama from her friends and she really did love me more than anything and wanted to make things work. We got together for the last time that day. A week later, she texted me with my own phone at the table that she needs me in her life no matter if it's her best friend or boyfriend, and I burst into tears etc after I had saved the 17 love letters and 20 or so typed pages of how much she loved me etc. Right before we broke up I found out she was cheating on me for 2 months at least with some idiot that hates everyone and think's he's god basically. Her family was there for me, and ex stopped talking to me altogether. She dropped me like a heavyweight and she felt no feelings of remorse, guilt, or shame. Ever since for the past 7 months I've seen her "dry humping" this new guy and acting like they're MADLY in love at school. Occasionally she peeks on me from across the hall to see if I'm wallowing in sorrow and self-pity but I ignore her. Last month I checked her mom's facebook and saw "exs" Prom pictures with the new guy as well as HER EX. The one she hurt herself over and I constantly babied and counseled her over for 2 years. I have been losing my mental sanity and I am becoming very angry and miserable. I have seeds of doubt in my mind that she might come back and actually love me, and it tortures me beyond belief because I know she doesn't but I still doubt. 7 months No Contact now. I also want to mention when I met her she was not my type at all and perverted/immature on all levels, but she reeled me in by playing victim which she was also successfully done to her friends to vilify me and make it look like she did nothing wrong. Note:Cheating=sex, not just kissing etc. Your comments and help are greatly appreciated and mean sooo much to me. Thank you very much!

Bro, you need to GTFO (Get the #$(* Out), STFO (Stay the (*&#$ Out), and tell her to GFH (Go (*&(@ Herself). As you have already done, keep it NC. This girl's got more issues than a superhuman could deal with/fix/handle. Looking at you across the hall waiting for your response to her stupid games? GFH (Go Fist Herself).

I know the seeds of doubt are there, I still get them from time to time. When I first went NC with my Ex-N, it was much much worse. Each day, each week, each month that progresses helps with the healing. Read up about BPD, NPD, disordered women, read the topics on this forum and see the similarities between these types of women. They are toxic and will destroy you! Emotionally, financially, physically, spiritually. Thing is, it's not your fault they are like this! But they draw you in sooooo **** well, it's hard to get them out of your mind permanently. I know the feeling. Something happened to them in their youth, they became a dysfunctional person. Again, not your fault, and not something you want to spend any unnecessary energy involving yourself in from this day forward.

Take care of yourself.

Hey: You should thank God, that he opened your eyes to what was going on before you got married, and life really got complicated. You obviously have a kind and good heart towards your woman, and spent a lot of time and emotional energy trying to help her by expressing your love, understanding and moral commitment to do what was right by her before marriage. None of that mattered, nor would it ever.

These narcissistic women cannot receive love, let alone give it. It is all about narcissistic supply. There real self deep down wants some normalcy, but the false self is all about appearances, drama, and hardcore selfishishness.

Out of 40 or so narcissistic traits they list, everyone has a few. There are healthy ones like self esteeem etc. that are okay for a healthy man with a good sense of self. My wife had perhaps 38 of the 40. After 30 years she has left our home 6 months ago, our marriage home and family in ruins. Hasn't apologized, hasn't looked back.

I can tell you, since you spoke of your faith, and her godless friends ridiculing you, this is a deeply spiritual problem. Evil. Look up Jezebel spirit, read and study it. Watch all of James videos here.

Take a healthy look at yourself, (which healthy people can realistically do). Narcs cannot self analyze. Won't go there. Get in the Word, work on how to recognize narcissistic traits, since you fell for a relatively severe case.

God says he has a will and a plan for each of our lives. That includes who we marry. I didn't ask him the first time. Went for the most glamourous, exciting woman I could find and she loved bombed me, and I was extremely happy. When we got married, and she had me 'committed', something in her changed.

Pray that God will show you who your girlfriend/spouse should be. Don't be in a panic to find her. He will show you. That is what I am going to do this time. Take a good look at her parents, and childhood home growing up, as that is the model for marriage that she will want to emulate in yours. Don't be unequally yoked. (Marry or date an unbeliever). The Bible warns us, Look at Samson for instance...didn't end well when he was disobedient.

There are no perfectly functional relationships, in the Bible or the real world, but the closer we get to God's best, by following his principles as men, fathers, and husbands, the better. All of those categories are under attack by the society we live in, and the enemy.

I think you are very fortunate in many ways, and are getting a very valuable education early on, so your don't wreck and ruin your life with a wrong relationship, learning the hard way, like so many here have had to do.

My young friend and fellow. It is deeply disturbing to me that your introduction to romance has been presented to you by your innocent and well intentioned involvment with one of these "creatures". The experience is truly "unworldly" and unfortunatly may haunt you for the rest of your days. So far, all the advise given to you had been dead on correct. Especially in the urgency of the tenor. There is a sayiing we use in good humor. It is "RUN FOREST FUN". You are young, you are decent. Lean to your faith. Educate yourself if you must. But PLEASE...put his behind you. Come back if you need us.

Thank you SO much for your help! I really appreciate the time and energy you put into this, I have been looking for a site to find advice on and this works very well! I am glad to have someone there for me. With everlasting gratitude,
-Hey

What's been said, is said.... run... stay away......no contact means just that - nada! NO contact (even eye contact if possible). This thing is playing you pal, they all do - to them it’s a game... The good news is - she's playing the new guy as well but you now know better than a knuckle dragger what a beast she is. They often “downgrade” when trying to fool you gets too tough – take it as a compliment. You were too good for her, too honest, too hard to keep up the fake projection - she gave up and moved on to easier picking.

Read, learn, understand they don’t think the way we do.... they are empty shallow, paper thin projections of people, she showed you what you wanted to see, just like a move made just for you. Now she’s trying to see if you cared about her, (are you hurting) - that way they validate themselves even after dumping you. Dont give her the validation – be better..... be happy - you disserve it. SHE DOES NOT NOR WILL SHE EVER.

Take a warning forward; any woman that gives you a warning of her faults..... RUN.... they’re real! It’s also a way of minimising the fault (“well I told you I was xyz”). By sticking around after the warning, you are thereby accepting the terms and conditions of the relationship that they WILL BE xyz and there’s nada you can do about it, because you were warned...


You are young enough to get over this - do just that.

Take a warning forward; any woman that gives you a warning of her faults..... RUN.... they’re real! It’s also a way of minimising the fault (“well I told you I was xyz”). By sticking around after the warning, you are thereby accepting the terms and conditions of the relationship that they WILL BE xyz and there’s nada you can do about it, because you were warned...






My ex told me she was a handfull, she like what she like and if she didn't like it she wasn't going to do it, she was high maintenance, and that she didn't mind talking to a man like how a man should be treated.

warning signs I should have left before getting dumped, oh well I guess it still works out If she or I did the dumpping

hey

" she told me she has sociopathic tendencies. ."

OMG stay the HELL away from her!!!!!

Hey,

There isn't a doubt in my mind that she is a diagnosable Narcissist.. A carbon copy of the personality disorder..

Listen to all the good advice... In a way.. you are lucky to have learned such a profound lesson so early in life.. take it as a blessing.. The two biggest a-ha moments in life.. is when I learned to surrender to a higher power and opening my eyes to the manipulative evil that exists..

On top of recommending the videos on this site.. I'd recommend reading "The Wizard of OZ and other Narcissists" A profound read for someone who has lived with a Narc.. you will think the author is talking directly to you.. and it will help solidify your understanding of how sick she really is.. the rabbit hole goes deeeep..

illuminati5,

Well said :)

I watched "Stop Second Guessing Yourself" by James. My ex-N would barely talk to me after I found out what she did and she got with the new guy right away. I was still in denial and thought she loved me and I would text her if we could ever be together again. She would coldy ignore me and say, "That depends on what happens in the future." While she successfully makes people believe it was my fault and vilifies me to her friends, who by the way are the meanest people I've ever known. She's been happy as ever with the new guy now for 11 months and I don't know why they're still together. Does anyone know how long they're going to really last and if he will suffer the same fate? She reeled me in by making me feel sorry for her like I mentioned, and idk if he's experiencing the same things. The seeds of doubt still bother me but not as much, and I've learned to live a decent partial-life but don't know what to think.

Hey,

As hard as it seems, you are doing this to yourself.

She is over you, after she has used you.
Hammer that in your brain, and the sense will start coming back over time.

Feelings do not subside easily, but this is a case where the rationale has to kill the emotion for survival's sake.

You just have let yourself being abused by a master in the art, because you were not educated on the subject. Do not feel bad for it, all of us here have been there.

Now allow yourself the road to recovery, and it will become so much more obvious.

Something I don't understand is that today I was talking to a dear female friend of mine about this, and she told me that ex's friends were probably just being good friends and giving her advice to leave me because she would be happier that way. That offends me, and also her friends are bad people and horrible as I described in my post above. They all just didn't like me because I believe in God, I was "too nice" compared to them and I enjoy History. Is there something about me I need to change in order to be "worthy" of real, honest love or something? I don't see how ex's friends' actions are justified and I don't agree with my friend, she kind of upset me as a matter of fact. I just wanted someone to go to in order to ask about this.

Hey, thst's what narcs do. They demean and devalue you to your face, to their friends and then discard you when they have found new supply.

They have the tendency to choose friends just like them too. If anything use this time to strengthen your faith, come through this stronger. Get in the Word more. Use it to make you a stronger and better young man, so you will make a godly husband and good father for the right woman.

There are very many good healthy women out there. Take a hard look at her parents before even beginning to date here. Because they modeled for her how she will relate to you if you ever want to get serious with her.

Don't be unequally yoked with an unbeliever in marriage. Moreso, for now, take a look at yourself and ask why you chose this type of girl, so you don't do it again. Also watch the video at the top of the forum here, called 'stop second guessing yourself.