For those of you that saw my previous post in June, it has been ten months and she is still acting like she's madly in love with the new guy and is still vilifying me to her friends as well as posting countless pictures of her with him online. It just bothers me that I totally got played, and this new guy was given the real deal when (not to blow my horn) I am a far more caring and kind honest real person than he is. I remember she told me before I was with her that everyone before had left her and I felt sorry for her but not anymore after what she did to me. The seeds of doubt don't bother me as much anymore because I know she's fake but still, I have no idea why the new guy is the love of her life and I was decalued to a penny and tossed out like yesterday's trash after 2 years of giving her therapy and love.

Hey, for one the new guy is probably a narcissist and is not as "caring" as you are. You know how they are attracted to each other right? And you know 10 months is no big deal. What goes around comes around...I give it less than six more months...but HEY! why wait? Out of sight pretty much means out of mind eventually. Get on with you life and STOP (NOW!!!) looking at her gloating "no good for you" assclown mug on line O.K.

stop hurting yourself by thinking you were "Played". every negative thought that enters your mind must be eradicated with the truth---meaning---when you are thinking true thoughts or thoughts of truth--the result will be that you feel good about yourself---when you are thinking a thought that is a lie, you feel negative about yourself. So you will always know when you are thinking an 'untruth'. your goal is to make yourself feel as good as you can for as long as you can. Happiness heals the soul and sadness hurts. the sooner you allow yourself to heal and let yourself be happy the sooner you can find someone new to enjoy your life---happiness will attract a nice person into your life while a sad heart will only attract another evil woman.

i felt played when i was with a girl for 9 months. 3 weeks after valentines day she trashed me to be with a man***** who didnt even love her. i was a short compassionate guy. he was a tall sex offender who lived in a trailer. turns out her fat ass has a thing for tall thuggish guys. another ex of mine had a thing for hippie looking guys. sometimes its not you its what the style of guy they want is. even if they leave you for another guy its probably not a good idea to compare yourself to the new guy. im guilty of doing this too. one thing to keep in mind is you cant buy love. being with a girl for years doesnt make a difference than being with her for a few months. girls will get with guys for long periods of time and never really love them. taking care of a girl also does not make her love you more. i got this reality a long time ago. it was mildly shocking when i realized it. but its not that strange.

just remember you wasted 10 months of your life stalking a ex when you coulda gotten laid. a year of your life wasted. dont let women give you self esteem. take care of yourself. get in shape. look as attractive as possible. build yourself up and give yourself value. a lot of women will trash great guys simply because they lose interest.

She doesn't love the other guy! They don't do that. And 10 months is not really a long time for an animal that doesn't have a good concept of time. Maybe he takes care of her they are parasitic. In any case by now somebody else is getting close to her probably-you just can't see it yet. Drama is coming it is their stock and trade. If she is a malignant narc. It is a certainty. You can hang around and watch but you can predict this what is the point? Get out and have some new fun! This movie is gonna get boring believe me.

Hey,

You have suffered a enormous injustice.. You are still hurting from this..Sounds like you have come a long way in regards to educating yourself on her disease..

Your post makes me think that you are trying to understand how she works using your own sane mind as a reference.. It doesn't work that way

We can learn their manipulations, lack of empathy.. their selfishness..etc..

But the sane aren't suppose to understand the insane.. They aren't human in an emotional capacity like us..

For me.. I know how Narcs work.. they get off on your suffering.. sick.. sick people.. the worst..

I purposely tell my X narc that things aren't going so well for me.. If she thinks she is winning then she won't attack as much.. I really don't care what she or her friends think of me.. and that wasn't always the case..

You know the deal.. she will be a chameleon in the beginning of the relationship.. then over time the mask WILL come off.. You know there is no breaking the cycle.. they are a record that is on repeat.. fact

You are more than likely an amazing guy.. she didn't toss you out because of you.. her supply dwindled..

I can only speak to my situation.. I cut off her supply and didn't bend to her will anymore.. they will discard ANYONE if they don't serve them..

There is a couple ways the Narc gets her supply from you..

In the beginning.. she will put you on a pedestal.. the fact that she is with you gives her supply... then as time goes on.. the fantasy that she had in her mind will fade.. and she will be more willing to show her true.. ugly self.. all the while sucking the light out of you..

There is an expression.. "You need to “stay on your side of the street”."

http://warriordave.com/clean-up-your-side-of-the-street/


Her leaving is her issue.. try to let her have it..

This is a big part of codependency.. or rescuing..
And once you stop shouldering the problems of the world on your shoulders.. you will know peace and a freedom never achieved before.. I know this first hand and from my readings..

All that being said... You are where you are at.. and that is OK.. surrender to it.. don't deny it..

This sounds a little corny but.. "That which you shine the light on.. becomes the light" This has very profound meaning.. even though the statement may seem superficial..

letting go of our will and surrendering to what is..in and outside of our minds and emotions.. is the path towards serenity.

Contrary to popular belief.. you can't make yourself happy.. it is an emotion that comes and goes.. but PEACE.. is a very achievable goal.. If you know the path to follow..

Sorry if I rambled :)

Hey

These people don't know what love is, They simply "Do" until they get bored and are no longer experiencing new experiences with the new person any longer.
Trust me on this buddy, The new guy is experiencing the same things you did, its just you are on the other side of the looking glass now seeing what she wants others to see. Remember the story of the scorpion and the frog my man. In other words, Could you all of a sudden be gay and like men? Could you suddenly become a cross dresser or love turnips when before they where disgusting to you before? I assume no.... You see, its their very nature to be the way they are and will always continue to be this way.

What you see in pictures are scenes of her play, not the truth its just what she wants you to see, smoke and mirrors my friends, slight of hand card tricks.

Disfriend her on facebook and stop looking her up immediately Or still let her win by falling for her BS I promise you Hey, he will suffer the same fate as you, or she is stuck with a narc as well in which case they will both suffer until it implodes upon themselves. 10 months is not long, most narcs have a time frame, my ex narcs frame was 1 - 1 1/2 years until discard, yours might be 2 years or more, in any case don't give her the satisfaction of anything including waiting to see if they will breakup. It will happen and in fact feel sorry for the next guy, he may get it worse than you.

Close her off out of your life and get rid of the cancer

Mike hit the nail on the head on all points, although, it's not like Mike to ramble..... lol..... - no offence Mike.


Your point of reference is in another galaxy to hers. DO NOT JUDGE THEM BY YOUR STANDARDS... they are alien....

The only "reasons" I can come up with why the narc hasn't flushed the latest down the pan yet, because she will.....When she's ready and not before. NO MATTER WHAT.

1. (it's been said); he's the same as her and they haven't finished eating each other alive yet. That's what happening with my narc the younger — and as far as i know, it's 4 years on now; and to me ....Thats Karma.

2. The Switch (nice to mean) and flush simply hasn't happened yet... she hasn't quite got him landed but she still trying to "win the game". It IS a game to her, so don't take anything she does as a serious life decision with consequences — 'cos to her it's not and to her there ARE no consequences.


What it ISN'T.... it isn't love or the real thing (trust all here who say that) and you're not less than the new guy - you're just no longer a source of NS. Thats it dude... harsh but true. Let it go (yes easer said).

But unlike Mike, I show both narcs in my life just how I'm doing fine (even when I'm not.... ). But thats my coping mechanism learned since childhood.

hey the new me, good post very enlightening. I just wanted to say I can relate to how you treat your x narc's. I've always been the same. maybe a little colder around the heart. but no matter how much I was hurting I still acted like everything was ok. I wrote a line here right after Christmas 2012 when the x had dropped off the car I signed for her owing 3 payments and $2000 in repairs. but just last month I sent her an email with a pic of the pink slip letting her know the car's paid off that she tried to screw me with. and just 2 weeks ago I sent another one of my new truck. I don't do that often but after what she did to my stepdaughter. see post (stepdaughters turn) I guess I got a little angry. funny thing was that same day I sent it I got another collection notice for her for another credit card she owes. plus that darn picture they keep sending me of her running a red light (her car) keeps slipping out of my hand into the trash.

I know what you mean but when you say that they're parasitic and he probably takes care of her, I took care of her too. So I just don't understand why you know? My text message returns/phone bill said I sent about 4k messages in a month when her and I started talking to give her the emotional therapy she needed. Also, I've read the messages she's sent to her friends and she's said things like, "Oh boy he sure does hate me and the new guy, and I told him before we were together I really cared for the new guy. I guess he thought nothing of it." The new guy kept telling her he's loved her since freshman year (2 years ago) before her and I started talking and I was the soul mate/love of her life. Btw, they rarely ever talked until she heated on me with him 5 months into our relationship. Thank you very much for your insight I greatly do appreciate it.

Thank you so much, Sammy. I'll save that to look back to and it really means a lot. I greatly appreciate the effort and time you put into this to educate me. I'm sure you've grown wise over the years with your experiences, and I trust your words with merit. I like your analogy about the turnips and suddenly liking men, that was funny and a true comparison as to how a narc thinks. She will never change. I will keep what you told me in mind.

Thank you for what you said, I greatly appreciate it. However I'm confused about what you said about your x narc on 4 years? She's been on 4 years with this new guy and how is that karma to you? Are you saying you did something wrong? Again, thank you so much for your help and insight it really means a lot to me to have people to go to like this and it helps to have everyone's individual perspective like yours.

Thank you SO MUCH Mike!!!! You have no idea how much that helped, honestly. I am forever grateful. I appreciate your explanation of her disease as well as shining the light on whats really happening-the cycle. Thanks so much for your compliments and insight, I look up to you in a way after this. God bless you man.

I also forgot to mention before that when all her douchebag friends were hating on me because I believe in God and I was "too nice" compared to them and I wasn't in band, my ex narc would not stand up for me and she said that they were entitled to thier opinion. However I had stood up for her when her family and friends had called her emo when she was drinking and cutting because she couldn't get over her ex from years prior. When anyone criticized her she would blow up but she was ok with watching her friends all be asses to me. What's the deal there?! Obviously shrek doesn't think like a healthy person would. She also said I "didn't quite fit in like a runt of the litter" with her douchebag friends.

Oh thing was a couple months ago, I blocker her online completely. Also, you can see how different she acts around different people. Is that normal? Almost like she completely shapeshifts her personality in order for people to like her because I think she goes off what others tell her rather than actually having a sense of self. Still, that is pretty deep. Is that a normal characteristic for narcs? I know they are capable of short term regret, because about a year ago she was crying after she said something hurtful to me but within days she rationalized her behavior. She also got mad at me one day when I brought her flowers in her favorite color because she thought that I was just doing that so she wouldn't break up with me? (When I had no idea why she thought that).

you are describing a BPD. Throw In extreme black and white thinking and rage issues and you have it. They morph well. Google BPD and see what you think. Fear of abandonment is key.

Here is a good start....

http://gettinbetter.com/BPDlove.html

BPD is most prevalent in women.....roughly 9:1
NPD is most prevalent in men........roughly 9:1

There is a lot of shared symptoms......and they can coexist. Best to study both.

Why does she act so differently around different people??

more than likely that woman has a cluster b personality disorder.(another words she screwed up in the head)(in a nutshell).feel sorry for the new guy because some day she will close the trap door on him too.

if you just cant get her out of your head.let me know and ill point you to some things that can help

Well said Chump, that settles it.

I forgot to mention that she always told me everyone had left her before and she was always the one to have her heart broken, and she would wait for me to be with her even if it meant forever. She told me when we first met that her mom had threatened to send her to a mental clinic/hospital if she kept up her behavior(cutting, dressing emo, anger, talk of suicide.) She also told me that she would take a picture with her of me camping (she did both years) because she would hate it so much whenever her parents or family "criticized" her. I've educated myself on narcs and criticism, and how that lights the devaluation powder keg. I am only 17 years old, and she has been my only gf. I tried to bring stability and love to her life and used 2 years of mine in doing so, and then she tells me she's "loved" the new guy since freshman year. She also hangs with the ex of hers she would cut over and last time I talked to her she told me before she met me she was fine and just a scene kid, not emo. And she got over everything herself. I was talking to a brick wall whenever I tried to explain why I was upset and she would dismiss me over text message by simply saying, "I don't want to fight, goodnight Kal." What the hell uis up with her? Is anyone on here a phycologist?

Hey, cutting is a huge red flag. I saw a good video on NPD that featured a woman who cut herself. If I recall, they do it to ease their internal pressure or perhaps even to deflect their attention from their own turmoil.
These people are a mess. It is best to let her go.
I am in a unique situation in which I am trying to hang in there a bit longer. I am trying to learn what I can. I have learned that there is no consistency to these people at all. Once these people have figured out that you have figured them out, all communication ceases.

Seems like that's what happened in my case. She had no. Consistency in HW she acted or what she ever said to me, she always flip flopped on her opinions and everything like Mitt Romney. Thx for the insight on the cutting/red flag. I'll look that up. Btw I saw her walking with the new guy today but I know better to just ignore her.

Google bpd cutting, self harm. Google NPD self harm. It is diagnostic.

Right. She would always tell me she needed me in her life no matter what it was. Boyfriend,husband,friend anything. You mention inconsistency; she was NEVER consistent. In our 6 month relationship once we reached month #3 she started to fluctuate all the time on what I meant to her and how much she loved me. While I was her "soul mate" and love of her life, often times before we went to bed she would tell me goodnight and say I was her very best friend. The best friend thing came up frequently and I just ignored it. Then the next day shed be wanting to marry me again? I was her best friend for a year almost 2 before we were together and she dated a few people, including a girl, during that time because she told me that she searched for people to take her pain away and it just didn't work. Month #4 when we had the slightest bit of physical contact (not sex), she went into panic mode and told me intimacy was dumb in relationships. About month #5 is when she started to phase me out of the situation and was letting her friends all be *******s to me. After she dumped me, she didn't feel bad at all and started telling people it was my fault. (She is very easily manipulated). She texted me to check if I was doing ok and said that I just needed to wait for the scar tissue to cover it up but the pain would ever be gone completely. When I asked if I was still the greatest thing that's ever happened to her she said. "No, but you're one of them." Birdboy, I am almost positive this girl has some serious mental issues. What would your response be? I just wanted to reply to your "supporting actor" comment because its true.

Hey you are correct. She has SERIOUS mental problems. This is a person who's sense of self is so diffused that her core sense of self is in maddening turmoil to the extent that she doesn't even have a stable sexual identity. That is a HUGE waving red flag with trumpets in the background. My gal was the same way. It is bewildering. I'm sorry she got to your spirit. I'm troubled she hurt your heart. There is not legitimate excuse for using and hurting good people. But that is what she does because she does not love herself.

You know young man... you are in the finest time of your life. Are her issues what you had envisioned for "yourself" at this time. I want for you to be good to yourself. I want the same for myself as well. We are fine men caught up in extraordinary circumstances. The only one in this deal we can really help is ourselves. To attempt to help her is to validate her impact upon you and in that you damage her further by acquiescing to her dysfunction. You are not a dog begging for scraps you are a man requiring sustenance. Find or wait for a woman who can give freely what you so honorably offer.

You have a sense what I am about. If I were you I'd say "I don't care what the f**k I am to you. You don't define nor do you describe me or my worth". And with that I'd NEVER contact her again. That is the best source of "healing" that you can give her, that is if you really care about her. And to you I say... Go West young man, your happy fate and fortune awaits your good efforts.

Buccaneers we be
We rise and fall upon perilous sea
Some things happen and some we choose
Lets make the best of the changing views Yo ho! Bird

I've done a ton of research about narcs , particularly through Dr. Sam Vaknin. I learned that she had a lot of the traits. "Hating holidays" for example because she could never be happy like everyone else and she was always depressed. hypersensitivity to criticism. "Exploiting tradgedy", When I met her, she said she could see the pain and heartbreak in my eyes after my first NPD had leftme (interestingly enough). Self massicism, she used to. Cut herself all the time to take the pain away from her heart about her first ex, I got her to stop. Also! I remembered today how during the ideal phase of my relationship with her, even in the best of days she would still mention her ex from 3 years prior she had hurt herself over and how the pain never left her completely. When I met her, she would never leave me alone and would cry and get super depressed when I wasn't talking to her. My message return from the summer her and I were talking first was about 4k messages? In therapy for her. idk guys, she has problems. I just still wonder about the new guy. He's a dam basterd! He's always running up to her all happy and dry humping her at school all the time. What to do from here?

Give it time; the happy and dry humping will end.... but you know the gameplay of these things. Do not enter into her game with him, your better off out.

Her tails of ex's were very likely lies to get the new white knight (you) in to rescue mode; take them with a huge pinch of scepticism. She's likely saying the same to the new guy. Don't take it personally - she's not treating you any differently to how she treats any other guy, now, past or future.

Lol! I hope so. Well thank you for that I appreciate it, I sure hope it's the same thing with him too like you said. Actually, you basically described my past relationship with her on the dot 100%. I still see them running around school dry humping eachother saying, "I love you so much let's get married!" I just ignore them now.

I also did research on "the recluse narcissist". That was totally her! She admitted to me she was a recluse and always stayed at home because she hated meeting new people and people bothered her in general. She also told me she falls in love really easily (I don't think that's possible with honest love). One thing I distinctly remember is how she always said she wanted to be an autotech and work on cars because she couldn't hurt cars the same way that she hurts people. ???

HA!.....mine always said she was incapable of love or feelings.......add that to redflags. She told me ONE TIME she really did love me.......I believe she really did. After she really f'd me over and I called her out on it. She respected that but by then I was thinking......why would I want this? Was not long before I was gone for good.....or good and gone.

(This is for everyone to read) She used to always tell me she couldn't remember anything from her childhood. (Huge red flag of sociopathy) I spent SO MUCH time away from my family devoted to her in order to make her happy and feel better for 2 years straight. I guess it meant nothing to her and didn't matter. My family would always comment on how I was always alone talking to her online/over phone, and my message returns show how much effort and of my soul I poured into it for so long. I stopped looking at her assclown mug online and talking to her altogether (NC for 11 months now). However, yesterday she sent a message to a friend of mine when he asked her if she would be sad/care if I died or something hapened to me. She said, "Thanks for telling me (that she hurt me) but I really don't care if he's ******* I'm done with him and he's out of my life. My life is a million times better without him.I don't want him dead, i just said everyone dies which is true so eventually he's go too." My friends, I wanted SO BADLY to call her and curse her out but I held it back. What to do about that?! I still have some of her family online, haven't talked to them in a long time. I would really sincerely do appreciate advice on this from as many of you as possible!! :(

(This is for everyone to read) She used to always tell me she couldn't remember anything from her childhood. (Huge red flag of sociopathy) I spent SO MUCH time away from my family devoted to her in order to make her happy and feel better for 2 years straight. I guess it meant nothing to her and didn't matter. My family would always comment on how I was always alone talking to her online/over phone, and my message returns show how much effort and of my soul I poured into it for so long. I stopped looking at her assclown mug online and talking to her altogether (NC for 11 months now). However, yesterday she sent a message to a friend of mine when he asked her if she would be sad/care if I died or something hapened to me. She said, "Thanks for telling me (that she hurt me) but I really don't care if he's ******* I'm done with him and he's out of my life. My life is a million times better without him.I don't want him dead, i just said everyone dies which is true so eventually he's go too." My friends, I wanted SO BADLY to call her and curse her out but I held it back. What to do about that?! I still have some of her family online, haven't talked to them in a long time. I would really sincerely do appreciate advice on this from as many of you as possible!! :(

Thanks. She always used to wear a ton of bracelets because she cut herself. She denies it now, but the scars prove it. I honestly think she needs serious phyciatric help. Not from me though, I did my part and we know what I got for that. I'll look up cutting like you said in relation to NPD.

Cutting is a standard with low functioning BPD. My ex did not cut......preferred tattoos as a replacement. Met one for a week and I found she cut......not wrists but lower leg. I told her to "cut me out" and fled.

NPD does not often cut......mars "perfect".

His understudy is waiting too. They always have a few.

I dont think it is worth a second thought Hey..If she is a PDI she isn't in love the way we understand it. You need to remember that. Young man! Move on there are so many other interesting girls out there that will blow this one away. Dont miss out on the rest of the candy store worrying about how long she will be with this guy..Dont waste another second. Focus on you and chase new opportunities.

I know and I understand-It just bothers me so much because of all the time and emotional energy I put into making her happy and feel better after all the tales of abusive exes she told me and how she told me I was the love of her life etc. 2 years of my life were entirely, selflessly dedicated to HER. (All the new guy ever did was tell her she looked beautiful at a football game once and cheated with her over Skype.)I want to find new girls out there and find someone real, but I remember how the ex-N used to keep all the nice texts I sent her in a binder and notebook, she never got rid of them, and she had a ton of pictures of me on her computer. She muist have actually loved me at one point if that was the case, that is why I am confused. I watched "Stop second guessing yourself" and I understand the concept of how if your grlfriend says she wants to go date another guy for a while and come back to you if it doesn't work, then they don't love you. Still, the seeds of doubt torture me day by day. She also spread a ton of drama/rumors about me in order to cover her own a$$ and make it look like I did something wrong because she felt like $hit and needed to justify her actions, all her friends and a ton of small-minded douches at school and around LISTEN to her!

I hope so. It seems like she's been faithful to the new guy of 11 months though. Which is wierd because I remember the day she left me she was crying over the phone and said that she alwas screws up her relationships and does something dumb/ruins it. Will the same happen with the new guy? He hasn't experienced any abuse by her.

She loved you loving her.......research it.

Read this....

http://gettinbetter.com/BPDlove.html

Hey, me thinks it's about time to put some "emotional energy" into making YOU happy and to feel better. A good start would be to ask a new girl out on a date and DON'T TALK ABOUT OLD GIRL! Worked for me.

A real girl/woman would love and appreciate you for who you are right? Not consntantly tell you how much you suck because you like history/politics/photography and you believe in God, and that you are "too nice"? Also wouldn't listen to douchebagnfriends friends who would harass her to break up with me because of how I am as a person. I consider myself a real man and her doche bag friends are all just insecure about themselves so they take pleasure in others pain. May I add that in the beginning I was perfect for those interests of mine....I don't understand the idealization/devaluation thing, because that exemplifies it.