If she seemingly comes out of nowhere and is over excited about starting a relationship within the first few days ( mine was in a matter of hours ). Run.

If she sleeps with you the first night. Run.

If shes just coming out of another relationship when you meet her and she plays victim, Run.

If she makes it seem as a fairy tale story of love at first sight. Run.

If she takes interest in your hobbies and interests at first and then suddenly drops it and hates them. Run.

If she admits to all her relationships failing and playing victim. Run.

If shes dated people with little or no in between for herself. Run.

If she admits to mental disorders and used to take meds. GTFO!

If she makes impulsive decisions with little or no thought. Run.

If she doesnt anything nice for you. Expect it to be reciprocated or thrown in your face. Run.

If she cannot comply with any boundaries you set. Run.

If you find yourself constantly devoting your time to making sure shes happy and keep the peace. Run.

If you are the blame constantly. Run.

If she admits to old drug habits that led to hospitalization. Run!

If she gives excuses upon excuses to why she does and acts the way she does. Run.

If she makes you uneasy when shes around. Run.

If you hear rumors about her from multiple sources that are bad. Its probably true. RUN!

If she constantly acts superior in everything she does. Run.

If she takes her stresses out on you that have nothing to do with you. Run!

If she admits to being manipulative. GTFO!

If she withholds affection, sex or time spent together. Run.

If she admits she has no real friends then suddenly makes new male friends. Run.

If she asks for favors but throws a fit if you ask for the slightest help. Run.

If she uses any and all tactics to divert blame off of her during a argument. Run.

If she admits to childhood trauma and fear of abandonment. Run.

If she acts nice. GTFO!

If she puts you down, calls you names and start screaming over you during arguments. Run.

If you find out shes stringing supply while shes trying to come back. Run.

If she trys to constantly seem like the good person while ignoring the horrible things shes done. Run

If she fears emotional intimacy ( ie, talking about her issues ). Run.

If she admits to having no feelings and supressing them and becomes cold. GTFO.

Most of all if she cant or has trouble with apologizing. Run.

This woman can destroy your life.

staple plz

Well put together list. BRAVO!!! ... although I do appreciate a woman who "acts nice".

One thing that I would like to throw in there that applies to us. If you are vulnerable or healing from a broken heart, beware. These women can smell your scent and will find you.
If you feel vulnerable, it may be best not to date awhile.

Great list Chris.

Don't forget, they love bars!

Also watch how they thank you when you have done a project for them. Such as building a retaining wall or rewiring a room. If it seems a bit tardy and mechanical or a bit forced it is a sign. Mine was fine with standard social conventions such as thank you for handing me this or that but had a hard time recognizing honest effort. Guess the honest part bit at her. I noticed it and thought it odd. Was probably getting "too close".

Ill add a few more.

If you come out always with the short end of the stick in every argument or disagreement. Run.

If she feels the need to argue when theres nothing to argue about. Run.

If she acts sick, or claims she has medical conditions, or tells you something to gain sympathy, but you always feel its a little off. Run.

If she constantly compares achievements or is competitive. Run.

If she is constantly keeping you from saying your peace or getting your point of view across. Run.

If she tells you she cant fully trust you enough when you've shown nothing but honesty. Run.

If you find yourself feeling down constantly. You must remember. This is what this woman wants. She then "forgives" you, acts nice, then brainwashes you into feeling you were wrong. You will find yourself asking for her to stop and forgive you. When she does, she pitys you, and grants you herself to you again. This is more like her saying "bad dog". Then she hits you again eventually with more of her complaints and tantrums. She cannot live a normal, steady, happy string of good. There will always be something, sometime she will find to fight again. Its inevitable. This may be out of boredom, or wishing you to lose your cool so she can run screaming" your crazy! How dare you talk to me like that!!". This is her tactic to rid of you so she can find new supply, unless theres someone already in the wings. Mine did this. She got crazier around the time when I had suspicions of her talking to these "friends".

Chump. Mine complained about gifts. She bought me nice gifts. Im a simple guy with simple interests. With her any gift I bought her, there was always something she complained about with it. "I dont like kurig coffee makers, I hate vinyl records, thats not my style, I dont like gold rings" then it became " you bought me a giftcard?! It doesn't matter if its my favorite store! Put some thought into it!!" I hated buying her gifts, because she had no real interests. Even flowers became "whatever" after a while.

Ahh Chris....mine hated gifts unless I got her none. A couple of projects replaced gifts with aforestated results. Was not fond of flowers either. Guess things that smacked of "closeness" were verboten. She was not a big gifter either. Mostly clothes and shoes. Seemed along the line of a beaten dog will appreciate a pat on the head all the more.

Ill never forget valentines day. She bought me some tickets to a gig. Cool. But she didnt want to go with me. She griped. "You can go with your friend, ill have a night out to myself". So low and behold our rent was raised and i had a unforseen car repair. I couldn't afford something big. But of course I made her a little surprise of flowers, chocolate, a bear, a framed heart shaped photo of us, and a card with a self made coupon to a night out for dinner sitting there when she came home. I caught hell for that later. Of course i planned on buying her a nice gift, but i just couldn't afford it at that moment. i never got the chance to because i got booted out a week or so later. She complained "you didnt get me anything!!" My little surprise was totally forgotten about...

Chris my friend.....you are opening some memories. Mine gifted me things at odd times to replace stuff she did not like about me. Made sure I was never around for Christmas.......I see a pattern I missed. Coming up to Christmas she would show me pictures of things she was going to get me. Things that were actually thoughtful and nice. She always tossed me 2-3 days before Christmas and tried to Hoover me back for new years. Guess she was trying to harvest whatever I had got her. She never had a gift for me. What I bought her I always returned on boxing day unopened. For me the gifts were not such an issue as was the weird machinations she went through. Valentines day was anathema for her. Birthdays were another hellhole.

Dont forget getting bored easy.

And the most telling. From the article I just posted.

Frightening Temper "The Loser" has a scary temper. If your boyfriend or girlfriend blows up and does dangerous things, like driving too fast because they're mad, breaking/throwing things, getting into fights, or threatening others - that temper will soon be turned in your direction. In the beginning of the relationship, you will be exposed to "witnessed violence" - fights with others, threats toward others, angry outbursts at others, etc. You will also hear of violence in their life. You will see and witness this temper - throwing things, yelling, cursing, driving fast, hitting the walls, and kicking things. That quickly serves to intimidate you and fear their potential for violence, although "The Loser" quickly assures you that they are angry at others or situations, not at you. At first, you will be assured that they will never direct the hostility and violence at you - but they are clearly letting you know that they have that ability and capability - and that it might come your way. Later, you fear challenging or confronting them - fearing that same temper and violence will be turned in your direction.

All good stuff-and to me-if she lies to you-GTFO. Deception is the core. We all got lied to and I suspect we all let a lot of it slide because we were overpowered by that love high. A woman who is truthful with you and expects you to be truth with her is not a narc. She could not be.

Women all lie......part of the feminine guile. What matters is the level. Some things you never lie about. Psychopaths will hide lies under sins of omission. When I would call mine out on that she would go completely straight with me. Technically she did not tell a lie but hid things. Dishonest women is a better term. She was proud that she did not lie but she sure as hell did not bring things up until she knew I had the goods.

Most of the women I have heard us involved with are BPD.....not NPD. Different manifestation of the basic psychopathy in my mind. Bpd Is a purely black and white interpretation of the world. No gray whatsoever. To them a lie is telling a falsehood. Hiding or obfuscating the truth is ok under those rules. To understand them you have to think like them.......**** that was a hard lesson. They live in a binary world while we tend toward analog. I am not excusing their mindset but I do understand it now. If they muddy the waters just be done with them.

In other words.....I am not so concerned that the last treat in the fridge disappeared....kinda funny really. But you brought the car maechanic home and boffed him is a whole different thing. A BPD sees them as equal.

Lies are bad. Especially if they are selfish lies. My ex lied about stringing me along after she kicked me out, we had sex multiple times, as she kept filling my head with false hope, i kept hoping it was going to go back to normal, i was reeling in pain, visibly, she knew this and continued, until she was caught, she claimed she had no obligation to tell me about the new guy because we weren't technically together, but after 4 years you would think id deserve the truth. Nope. Its sick. She acted like i was the one who was crazy and did a total psycho 160 in front of him. i always had a feeling she cheated on me with this other guy about a month or so before this. She denied it but admitted she would have liked him back in the day. I always felt she lied about that. I seen odd things that i couldn't just push aside. Then her lying to the new guy about me when we started seeing each other again. As much as i didnt like him, i still didnt think it was right. It showed me that she could come home and act like theres absolutely nothing going on in the shadows. That disturbs me.

Went through the same my friend. No outward lies but a hell of a lot of dirt in the bed. When I caught it she broke......no excuses. Month later she hated me for it. F em all.

Ok let me throw this one out there if she says "at least I know where we stand" GTFO. How can they know where anyone stands they have no boundaries.

PEACE!!!!!

Like to add,

If you say she did something minor that irritates you..and one frack of a row out of nowhere is the result - GTFO

It shows a total lack of accountability.

Giving red flags some thought. The uncontrolled anger is number one. A common denominator of many personality deficiencies and of psychopaths. Who needs a powderkeg with an uncertain fuse?

Number two for now goes to extreme black and white thinking........no gray area. Pretty much assures you will be wrong in all cases. And should you actually be right 1 can swap to 0 and presto! You are still wrong. " if a man in a forest hears a tree fall is he still wrong?". This is what makes us crazy by proximity. With these feather dusters there will never be an "at least you tried"......only a "you should have never tried". A primary indicator of BPD.

Good video explaining BPD rage. I actually shared this with the ex in one of her repentent moments after an episode and sat back to listen. She went through all of the points saying yes that is her.....I kept quiet and listened......let her work it out. She found a BPD therapist and started counseling. Went twice and ran away. That is what the BPD is good with....running away. They run away from you by creating a holy hel.storm and when it passes sucker you back in which you interpret as a moment in passing. Only it is not a moment. It is their core foundation often hidden from you.

http://m.youtube.com/#/results?q=bpd%20vs%20npd&oq=bpd%20vs%20npd&gs_l=youtube-reduced.3...2232.6955.0.7884.10.9.0.1.1.0.408.1644.1j0j2j2j1.6.0....0...1ac.1.23.youtube-reduced..5.5.1451.Pt6ebl5zFkc

As for black and white thinking.....or splitting. I like to hear it from the mouths of a current or former BPD. Kinda puts it in perspective. Half done tats and what looks like opiate itchies.

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=aBOVlDfRJL4

As far as my wife goes, I heard her tell little white lies to everyone for years. I never thought much of it.

One thing I will say, she had to know everything about me. Every detail of my life. If she found out about something later, and it was something I forgot to tell her, she would become very angry.
She had a temper much of the time. I mistook it for her being "spicy." Well, she would get mad at me so much that I used to feel the need to lie to her about stupid stuff.

Sounds like you knew my ex narc! She had almost all of the traits in which you described. Very well put together, Im sure this can be useful for people :)

Gotta tell ya... if ya stay around them long enough you yourself will begin to insidiously morph into the very thing you actually despise. It is called "fleas" ... scratch, scratch!

You have that right birdboy. Lotta flea dips in the future. Their whole goal is to morph you and if you morph you are despised. I have learned what should be taught in high school. None of that unqualified acceptance crap. Learn to look them in the eyes andsay "Wtf is wrong with you". I have been having fun with that once I hit the don't give **** point. Actually feeling good again. And it is not about being a badass......just drawing a hard line.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gbzQqBrEw8

I kinda like this guy.

with the 3 abusive women that i had relationships with i noticed they all told Lies

so i think catching a woman in a lie is a very bad sign.trust but verify

at least 2 of them were petty thieves

two of them admitted to having anger issues


avoid a whole LOT of trouble and trauma and just say good bye

Bingo new warning signs:

Pictures of her driving a car ...... stay clear wacko ahead

Pictures of her doing the duck face ..... nut job stay clear

I forgot i posted this months ago. Reading all this can be helpful for you newcomers.

That why we should find a way to staple it

Its wild how we recall how we felt during these times dealing with our abusers isnt it? This site is almost a journal for me. I came here a totally broken, exhausted man, and using this blog reminded me about how much i progressed, and unfortunately regressed. In the entire spiral of the manipulations, triangulation, lies and mental torture i was here spilling my guts for you like minded strangers. Who actually did hold me up and ripped open my eyes and my mind to what i chose not to see. Because i was blinded by the facade i once knew to be her. My list above was my mind speaking clear, how it kept getting fogged up again was that "hope" i had for the change. I should have stood on the right track, but regardless, im healing still, i know what really was and is the best choice for me. And im enjoying my freedom.

i recently deleted all my youtube videos but over the past 4 months i was dealing wwith narc ex and literally every few days i was making videos about how shes mad at me again and kicked me out and how she s cheating again etc. i was like wow i didnt notice how many times she was screwing it up.