My wife has experienced what I consider a minimum of bad experiences with my family, yet she claims massive abuse against her. The smallest incidents upset her greatly to the point that she can be friends with someone and they do or say one thing that upsets her and that's essentially the end of the relationship. She won't want to be in the person's presence ever again for fear of being hurt in some way.

She undoubtedly will still do this in her world. She doesn't do it in mine, not anymore, not since I "hurt her"....

I'm not sure what that means. I hope it doesn't mean that you physically hurt her.

Never mind my last post - I read some of your other posts. You dumped her and that's the biggest hurt of all on a NPD or BPD. I'm assuming that's what you meant.

That is correct. The biggest hurt of all. The dreaded rejection they so deftly set the stage for. Ironic isn't it?

Extreme irony. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

BB Ive been counseling my older brother and I'm loosing myself I'm almost over the top omg how much more can one person take............ I'm on the brink not sure I can handle much more.........sorry need a anchor this may be more then my soul can bear.............. I'd just like to cash out

So Mark, what'cha counseling your brother about?

I still don't understand it,if there users and don't care about us, how can it hurt?

Research BPD......their biggest fear is rejection. So much so that they will toss you to keep you from tossing them. Walk away first and they break. Also google "doublethink". Most of these women are not NPD but BPD.....some BPD with add ons.

This here stuff is stranger than science. It is kinda strange and hard to wrap a "normal" head around and that is what keeps us in that WTF happened place. See somewhere down the line, usually when they were very young their love or trust was betrayed. Weather that abuse be by adult invalidation or punishment or perhaps the other more extreme abuses we hear and or know about. So what happens is, for example, is she trusts Uncle Fuzzy and loves him a lot because he makes her feel special or important and he is family or trusted. One day when nobody is around uncle fuzzy molests her. This was not only an act of depravity which an adult understands, but for the child victim it was act of betrayal and confusing. Not only his betrayal, but hers, for trusting Uncle Fuzzy. In a way it becomes her own fault and Uncle Fuzzy may reinforce this by telling her "he" couldn't help it because "she" is so pretty and nice and that it happened because "she is special". She may in her innocence actually feel "special" and enjoy this undivided "attention". This is the classic tactic of a pedophile. In this way the victimization may continue for a time for the pedo has "brain washed" her to believe that this is normal and she is an equal willing partner and is doing "good". What happens with PDI is that emotionally they become "locked" emotionally into this place of betrayal in order to protect their deeper self. The truth is she DID like uncle. She did trust him. He did do this. Hence she grows up locked into believing ALL people who care for her, or who she cares about is essentially flawed in this way, as is PROVEN by uncle fuzzy, and this is what they want, and this is what they ALL will do and EVENTUALLY ALL will betray her and USE her as an objectified being, which is how she sees herself as a result of the initial act. This is how children see things. This is how she sees herself still because she never "recovered" from this original psychic injury. She sees herself as an object. An object of use which is usually sexual. Since sex is what WE want and it is the commodity she possesses she uses it to her advantage and it is her primary tool of hooking us into her world. Since you are simply one of THEM, proven by taking the sexual bait, she will sabotage the relationship with you or anyone else so that you are the one that pays "first" because in her mind you WILL leave her, everybody does. This striking first gives her back the power that was originally taken by Uncle Fuzzy. In a way each and every relationship she has, every one who gets too close, like Uncle Fuzzy did, will be paid back. We all become Uncle Fuzzy. We will all be paid back for the original sin, and around and around it goes for them until they wake up, get help, get old, or wind up dead. It is a horrible thing that happened to them but it is NO EXCUSE for acting it out with us. They have been broken and hurt before their own ability to reason and it is truly sad they may not even be aware of what they do as adults. They really don't understand it themselves as strange as that sounds. Told ya... stranger than science. The one thing you MUST remember. You did not break them, and you cannot fix them. It is truly an inside job. It is their job and their horror. We can only hope that one day they will "get it". Not for us, but for them we must hope this. Although the evidence clearly demonstrates this is VERY RARELY the case. It is a life long issue. Don't make it yours. YOU ARE NOT UNCLE FUZZY!

And here I was trying not to shock the boy. Well written. Some of them are much more aware of the dynamic than we accept. Mine could detail her actions and reactions to a tee. She knew what she was doing. Told me once, "that is what I do, I run". We as reasonable men assume that knowledge is power and in knowing themselves they will change.......nope, ain't gonna happen. At our ages....even 16.....the response is as set in stone as a dinosaur track. If you run you are bad, if you stay you are suspect.

We ended up in some sort of the humpty dance......she knew her.....I mostly knew her.....she knew I knew......aaack!

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=RgOscpJf5fw&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DRgOscpJf5fw

Mark,

We're all here to listen, shoot

well my ex was a NAR she clearly didn't care about me, I was just useful supply

Sorry guys I had a bad ass day........ more then a few things happened I drank enough later in the day to get depressed more then I should have but I'm fine thanks for the concern...

I've had my bad days too. Enough to quit drinking for awhile. Going on 18 months now. Didn't plan or expect that. Go figure.

I supposed it is better to just cut through the crap and let these younger guys know they are playing with seriously damaged goods and there is NOTHING they can do about it. There is no sense in sugar coating it. F**ked is f**ked. Once that awareness is solid we can address our own issues and cut the un-rectifiable loose. As harsh as that seems.

BB, agree I need to back my ass off the fat gas...... Its hard to not want to get null and void on occasion but it winds up being the total opposite... Think Id have learned that since the little whack job is a stone juicer.. Thanks for caring