Most of you know me or have read my posts by now. I've truly been blessed by so many of you and value this group of men tremendously. I come to you now empty. I'm very well educated on NPD, but realize that sometimes I just don't have the answers and have to reach out for a brothers compassion and supportive encouragement.

I had been no contact for 7 weeks and feeling good about my decision to do so. My ex had not made any attempts to reach me for the first 6 weeks. Then about 10 days ago she began to unsuccessfully probe me for weaknesses. I had blocked all know phone numbers, email addresses, and even fragments of her work phone numbers so she couldn't hop desks. She then blocked her caller ID on her cell phone number and tried to call me from a "restricted" number. That didn't work for her either.

Yesterday she tracked me down at a customers office and lied to the receptionist in order to get the call though to me. I took the call thinking it was business. When I heard her voice I got physically ill. She kept me on the phone by implying that there may be something wrong with the step-kids, as she knows I love them.

That was a ruse and it ended up in a tortured back and forth that ultimately caused my blood pressure to spike to very unhealthy levels, (163/107). I know, yikes. I went home physically ill, feeling like I may have real heart issues. My roommate demanded that I lay down and stop thinking about all of it. (She had been demanding that I sign some divorce papers). While laying there feeling awful she suddenly shows up at my door and rings and knocks/pounds for 15 minutes, won't go away, under the pretense that she's concerned about me. Of course since she put me in this shape I wanted nothing to do with her. My roommate would not answer the door, being protective of me. But she camped out. I told him she won't leave and he needed to open the door and tell her to go away, if she didn't comply I asked him to call the police. I couldn't get involved and risk a higher BP.

I went upstairs while he tried to get rid of her. She doesn't take no for an answer and my roommate is a nice guy, a pastor. She wanted to talk with him, I was not aware of any of this. She ended up staying there in my living room for 3 hours trying to twist his head into knots and rationalize all of her actions. I'm not sure she even asked if I was okay. She has not inquired of my health thus far today. We knows these narcs lack compassion or empathy.

So I am drained and ill and wondering how in hell I allowed the situation to escalate on me. I'm at a very low point and just need you guys to pray for me to once again, dust myself off and be strong. This is hard for me to write. But sometimes we just have to let it hang out and trust a brother to catch us. I love you guys.

BTDT, sorry bout that. They are known to make "a scene". Anyway from your post, why are you not signing the divorce papers?

Beenthere, we are all here for you brother. If you feel like talking or need to talk you can e-mail me I'll send you my number........

PEACE

PS hang in there don't let her drag you down easier said then done but don't let her......

BTDT : Take it easy, start with one day at a time. If needed, take a break for medical reasons, or go to the countryside, somewhere you are in a totally different context, and where you are safe. Start from there, and you'll begin to see the overall picture, and get some ideas on the next steps.

In the mean time, spill out as much as you need on here, we're listening.

Agree with Jack-maybe a long weekend don't let anyone know where you are..drop out of sight a couple days and get other stimulus-countryside is great or just another town. Refit and re-supply emotionally-you are a fighter a loan rider now. Get some juice because you may need a restraining order. Her behavior suggests she may be actively hunting you for some reason now. Beware, take precautions! Protect número UNO.

BB, Mark & Jack,
Thanks for your encouragement and sound advise. I knew I could reply upon this group of men to stand with me. I felt a little pathetic allowing this to escalate as it did. But then I know how good these narcs are at getting their way.

BB, to answer your question, I am reluctant to sign the docs as prepared as they are drafted by her and entirely one-sided and self serving,(shocker). I guess, as much as I hate to go to war with her, that I'll need to file a counter suit that is more fair and balanced. Really didn't want to have to hire an attorney after all that she has already cost me, but it is what it is.

Mark, thank you for your kind offer. I may actually take you up on that. Fortunately I have been swamped with work these past two days and have had little time to think about this. You are a gentleman.

Jack, again great advise which I appreciate. I did actually think the same thoughts. Last Sunday I signed up for a men's retreat up in the mountains for this weekend. I strongly felt the need to get away and be with other men of character. So I firmly second your advise and I'm acting upon it.

More developments since my post but I'm just ignoring her. My counselor reminded me, "She's not a monster, not really, she's just a little dog yapping at your heals and you can't give her anymore power." I think when I hear her voice there is an element of PTSD coming into play that I need to get past. We've all been treated so badly that those memories can be triggered even years later. Thanks again

Long weekends usually work. Road trip....

Beenthere

Sounds like you have a plan work it. If need be a counter suit is a pain but do it. She I'm sure thinks you just want out which is true. Just don't let her take what is fair in her mind we all know fair is not fair but in their eyes it sure is. They want what they want and will do anything to get supplied. I am heading to Michigan to my grandsons 4th bday party this Sunday. 1200 miles but out of here for a fresh outlook is good for me. I'm not taking my laptop I have my phone I'm using it now. So if you need my number just email me ill send it along catch you all later...

PEACE!!!

BTDT, hang in there man. I know what you are going through. I don't really have any advice. I just know that when these women get their sites set on you, there is practically no stopping them. So, chances are you will run into her again. Try to create a plan for when you do see or here from her. I don't know if this will work, but try to create a little safety place in your brain that you can run to if she is around. I know it is only a temporary fix, but it is all I got.

BTDT, I hear ya. The money just flies when these women are around. I'd have to say in this situation a lawyer is your "safe" move. Not only will that protect your interests but also will provide a buffer between you and her, as in, "talk to my attorney".

Thanks guys, all of your suggestions and support have been great. Where I have arrived is to simply allow her to serve me with the docs. That way I don't have to deal with her. I can then take the paperwork to an attorney and draft a more fair response. In the mean time I'm getting the hell outta dodge and going to this 3 day retreat. As far as I'm concerned she made this bed and she can lay in it.

BTDT,

Glad to hear you're giving yourself some space.

After you've recharged the batteries, you can work on ending your emotional connection with her, toward "she's just another 'person' on this planet, and I'm protecting my interests". It will take time, but you'll get convinced of it after a couple months.
My advice here, is to work on your health : go to the gym, jog, whatever. A healthy body can take much more stress than an out-of-shape one. Second important point is that when you're working on yourself, you've created a new target : you, improving yourself. Over time, this will become your primary target, and that will make it a lot easier to discard her words (and presence) as unimportant static; you'll not get affected by her anymore.

Finally, you'll see her for what she really is : an annoying, twisted person that does not deserve someone like you.

Keep us updated on the progress, we all want to know.

Three day retreat!!! Can I ride shotgun??? LOL! Enjoy dat time bro!

hey take care of you first bro.. these hoes have no quams about reality.. get yourself right and the rest will follow!! my "NARC-HOLE" EX ACTUALLY WENT THRU THE TEMPLE WITHOUT FOLLOWING THE PROPER PATH.. ACTUALLY THE DAY AFTER THE DIVORCE WAS FINAL.. that 12 years ago, and she is still a trick.. you miss out on some things but gain a grip in others.. you come first never forget this.. and stay up it only gets better!!!