Hi guys,

Just wanted to know and share what works for you guys to get out of the depression caused by your narc, and rebuild your self-esteem.

I am at the point where I wake up every morning at 3 or 4 am, and my brain starts churning on all the issues in my life (mainly my pseudo-marriage, how did I get here, how can I solve it?). After that, I cannot fall asleep, until I have to get up at 7 am. The lack of sleep starts destroying me, but my brain just cannot stop churning about my problems.
Recently I found a way that seems to work : when I wake up, I tell myself "you're normal" all the time. In some way, it keeps the anxiety down, it relaxes me, and I can fall asleep again.
Here's why I think it works :
Point 1 is that it is keeping my focus on myself, instead of all the issues created by my narc.
Point 2 is that I am sort of convincing myself this way that these issues are not my own fault, and that I am indeed a good person.

Another thing I started doing during the day, is not letting my narc take advantage of me anymore. Example : yesterday I complained her that I had to jump up in the afternoon from work to pick up the kids from school, because the missus had invited someone at home for a house evaluation, made them lunch, and then was too late to pick up the kids from school, so she called her white knight (slave?) to set the situation right. I also make it perfectly clear that I have a busy job and I plan my work, and this all gets thrown out the window, and I will not accept it anymore. She was taken aback for half a minute, and then tried to upset me again. I just left the room, and am now into the silent treatment (good, less bugging for me).

How do you guys get around? Do you have any advice on recovering from your depression (as I guess most of you will be in), and rebuilding your self-esteem?

Hi Jack,

I found several things helped me to get the noise out of my head. Like you I'd wake and stay awake going over things in my head, (I still do occasionally).

Firstly, I talked ad-nausium to any poor bugger who'd listen, I bored a lot of people to death who didn't understand. I think i scared a few as well....I didnt understand it anyway- i had no clue wtf happened to me I just rambled...

One day, new job, new people, i met a woman who was doing the same as me - she'd talked everyone there to death and had been doing so for 11 years. We clicked and she told me the word sociopath. Google was my friend. I ticked many boxes with that word, found new ones and subsets NPD BPD Cluster B - other websites told me other words, I started to come Out Of The Fog...

I learned what it was I was dealing with. Learned the word abuse!

Un prompted about this time I grew a pair, decided enough of the lies and "friend" crap and the (unknown then), passive aggression and circular conversations, with a large ammount of hovering; and went no contact. Basicy confronted "her" told her what I thought of her and she ran away. That was 2 years ago. I've had several low level hovers since, the last on new year this year (ignored).

Secondly about the same time, I began to write things in a word document (I'm up to small book now), I wrote things to "her" I'd never send. I wrote my deepest darkest thoughts, hates, fears, loves, the whole shebang. Mostly I wrote unsendable e-mails to "her" . Writing it down gets it out of your head.....trust me.....this works.

Being here helps highly, understanding the physiology and phycology is good as well. Knowing I'm not alone Massive - massive - masive help.

I totally understand why you are not signing HER papers. It is a bummer but lawyers are sometimes needed for our own protection. I'd go that way. In the beginning I did exactly what you did concerning the sleep "problem" which I think is universal among us. I believe it is a good strategy. I combated the "churning" with my own. It is very much like counting sheep, or meditation is you prefer.. Instead of "I'm normal" I used the serenity prayer. "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can. The wisdom to know the difference", ad infinitum. Eventually I fall asleep again. It takes what it takes.