Okay guys, things are getting tiring here. I have to admit.

So, my wife says she going someplace and will pick up some food and be home at a certain time. She comes home an hour later.

Now, normally I never would question her. But, I have been questioned over and over if I was even 5 minutes late.
So, I asked what happened. She gets angry and says "What, are you questioning where I was?"
I said, "We play by two sets of rules. Over the years you questioned me all of the time. I ask one thing and you get mad."
She said sarcastically, "here we go, blah, blah, blah."

Now, she is twisting it like I am someone who is monitoring where she was going.
I know, I can't win.
I'll be honest, this is hell.
It's been hell for 15 years.
I've denied my wants and needs, allowed myself to be separated from my friends, and took a huge financial hit from her. Now she is going around being arrogant and not giving me the time of day.

Okay, back to the original question, do they twist things around and accuse you of being controlling when it has been them all of these years?

In a word.....yes.

A married woman going some"place"....Nice. So much for your latest "management" strategies eh?. As to your question...Yes. Beaten, read the latest posting by Bill Donnelly concerning children.

Thanks guys. This is ridiculous.

BTAP,

They do this all the time (turning their errors back to you), it is their default defense mechanism; she denies you to have the glory of pointing out her mistakes, and she feeds off of the confusion and self-blame she creates in your mind in this way. Unless you deny her mirroring as incorrect nonsense, she gets away with it while you're in the fog questioning yourself.

One fine example in my situation :
I organized a birthday surprise for my narc with the kids 2 days ago. She flat out refused to appreciate the gesture, because "the kids should have been in bed already". Everyone disappointed, and me scolded our for a "terrible person". Never mind all the excitement and planning that was done, and the fact that it was her arriving back extremely late from her language course (took twice the time to get back than normal).

Next day, she comes to me and wants to thank me for the gesture, "despite your mistake". I reply "too late, and I do not need thanks, I need an apology for disappointing the kids". Think she would even consider that? No way! Anyway, I did not budge my point of view, which opened the oven of her wrath.

In the night, after waking and threatening me several times, she comes to me and opens the waterworks. I just look at the display and let her leave.

Today, she wants to move out of the place, ("because you're nothing but ****"); I'm assuming to make me feel helpless with the kids and feel guilty. Seen it before, not gonna work anymore. the entire morning she's been picking on every little detail I did and did not do, and of course finding faults all the time. I did not get too much into it, for the kids' sake.

You see, it is all an emotions game. She is the master in emotional manipulation : if you do not follow her wishes, she will make you feel bad, no matter how.

There is no winning for you in this game; unless you totally discard her point of view (because it IS just a manufactured projection of her wanting you to feel bad). Like I said before, women train since birth in the art to turn words and situations around, and they are waaay ahead of you on the proficiency scale.

Here's another example : mine flat out refused to believe we went our for lunch on her birthday last year. I knew we did that last year, and refused to accept otherwise. She was just trying to push in my face that I never remembered her birthday until now, and reality showed an inconvenient truth for that. So she reverted to lying, but I stayed on reality. Result : she got more frustrated for losing a crushing weapon in our discussion; instead of calming down, and realizing I HAD done something for her before, she got angry that I was not as easy to manipulate anymore.

You my friend, have to realize that you're being played, and stop putting too much value on her words. It is all about fogging you up to make you lose your point of view and her getting away with it.

Reflecting fault back at you is classic and not necessarily just a PDI occupation. If some persons can get away with no blame they will. PDIs will invent your blame, change the truth, or ignore the obvious just to avoid their part.

Also remember, they know what they are, if only instinctively, and want to drag you down to the gutter with them. So what's good enough for them ( the lie, and avoidance ), MUST be good enough for you... Or you make them look just what they are.... Bad!

They want you in their reality, because they can't live in yours, and in their reality - its ALWAYS someone else's fault. What's more, you will never convince them otherwise. Never! Because it shakes their very existence and their whole self belief process, like asking them to stop breathing. Ain't going to happen.