Update, i have initiated no contact with her. Im confident i can do this without caving in to the love i once had for her. Its hard yes, but it has to be done. But my real question is, how long did it take you to see? Honestly for me it was quite some time. I had warning signs i chose to ignore, her unprovoked rage attacks over simple things, the ignoring, lies uncovered, but i didnt see the severity of it until we moved in. The more i tried to make her happy, the more she wanted, i was exhausted. She could be very sweet at times of course, which i took happily. Until something yet again set her off. It took me four years guys until the manipulative monster was exposed, i should have listened to my gut instinct that something was off. Is it a gradual thing till it explodes? Sometimes i think in the very beginning when i seen her rage, it was only a matter of time till it got turned on me.

When she told me she knew how I felt about her (love)and she still left me to go bust it open and break her back for a real n188a!!!! Then I saw her true face and then felt like a fool for not seeing the signs on the walls.

Thats a interesting question...

I'm 54 and I'm just getting to see... sad I know! It took narc the younger to "show me". I'll try to explain; With the younger narc I "felt" that "something" was amiss about this woman - all through the relationship. Couldn’t ever put my finger on it... something was missing. So to answer the question? - I knew all along, I just didn’t know what I knew - when did it hit me... about a year after she un-ceremonially dumped me by 11 minute phone call.

All the signs WERE there that this was woman was right and perfict, and love, ALL the signs about her were (too) positive - but at the same time - weren’t. It “felt” as if something was "just wrong". With hindsight, and knowledge I can now understand that while she was asking me for the ultimate commitment at both physical and emotional level, that wasn’t something she could or wanted to return.

What narc the younger did, was provide me a map for looking at women objectively (especially my mother since they shared similar traits – yeh scary mommy issues????? ). She opened my eyes to the knowledge concerning the traits and passive (and violent) abuse my mother had perpetrated on me (and my father) all these years. For that I thank her. Without the knowledge about narc the younger – narc the older would have totally messed my life, and mind up by now. I’d be a cabbage.... she had a bloody good go, and did a bloody good job for the most part anyway!

When did I know about my mother? – at the age of 54. BI TCH!