As I read several posts I'm detecting a common thread. That we all want some sort of closure with our PDI ex. I know because I have been forced to admit that I too want this. I think it's very natural. Unfortunately I'm facing the cold reality that we will never get any closure. These women aren't about to admit wrongdoing, they aren't accountable, there will be no heartfelt remorse.So it is our difficult task to move on knowing that they can leave us without a care all the while blaming us to everyone that'll listen.

Face it that hurts. And I admit that after 7 weeks of absolute NC I too fell into this un-winnable trap. She got through to me at work and now 2 weeks later I find myself still in an ongoing very stressful dialog with her. It never stops guys because these NPD women never tire. They're obsessed with the game, with winning. I am reminded that all of my energy needs to be directed inward toward myself, my son and the people in my life that are capable of reciprocal love. We must renounce gamesmanship, getting even, settling scores, revenge, etc,,, Time to stop beating her concrete wall with our own face. It will end up destroying us in the end.

Beenthere,

That's one of the toughest things to get over IMHO. As normal human beings we can cope with the end of something if we perceive "an end". As you say, an end never happens with them. I think it represents a boundary and I believe your're right, it imposes some sort of unavoidable accountability -so they run.

But like all nice people we keep trying to impose our own values on something that doesn't have any and will never ever get any.

We have to be tough to walk away, against our inner desires to "fix" something we didn't break.

Anyone know how we do that?????????????????????????????????

'cos I'm still torn, I know what I HAVE to do (and I'm doing it) - I just don't like that I'm doing it because it goes against my inner nature and that it's the only answer.

I totally agree with all that has been said here. I want to change only one thing for mine and our benefit. "Fortunately" I am facing the cold reality that we will never get any closure.

Could it be that they don't want closure? If the relationship never ended they can keep you as eternal backup supply.

They never want closure and ours comes when we get far enough down the road to sit and wash the shiat off our boots.