Here's an interesting issue with my wife :

According to her, I "have to" give her a foot massage every evening (her father did that to her mother, and "of course" I inherit this delightful duty).

In the past I always caved in, but recently I started to notice that my arms have virtually no power when I'm driving the car the day after a rub.

So I set limits : max 30 mins, end at 11PM, no exceptions.

She objects, of course, and threatens to not let me sleep.
She does wake me a few times per night after my "non-compliance", but it gets less frequent, and I fall asleep again pretty quick (and she also needs to sleep).

Yesterday, I started rubbing at 10:20pm.

At 11pm, I notified the end, and she objects. At that point, I felt pretty good (I save my muscles these days), and decided to continue, because I had a plan...

at 11:20pm I announce the end of the session. She objects, as she is not asleep yet, and threatens to keep me awake again tonight.

At which point, I respond : "yeah, sure, continue to show us what a low life you are".
she looks confused :"low life?"

Which is when I come up with my logic : " I gave you a massage, although you do not deserve it, so I am kind. I even gave you more time than normal, so that is double kind. A person with dignity and integrity would be grateful, and only a low life person would demand more and threaten to not let the massager sleep".

That hit her straight into her self-esteem (she's a narc).

She was quiet for a moment, and wanted to rebuff something, but I had already left the room.

Hanging like a fly in a web...

Have to???????????

Interesting similarity to my PDI mother.

My father HAD TO do everything for her ...I mean EVERYTHING... he's sh@t for her if she could make him. All while she sat like Miss Havisham in the middle of the room giveing orders. And god help him if he didn't comply (or me growing up). My father did all this right up to the point one Xmas when he was so ill he couldn’t get out of bed.

At which point, when we went to visit, my mother said very aggressively that my father was quote...”having a nice rest and ENJOYING his new found illness”. Which turned out to be cancer BTW, which he died from less than a month later, at 7 stone while she was seeing her new boyfriend. She also raged at her sister Xmas day, “who the F uck is going to cook my Xmas dinner now?”.....

Hmmmmm nice lady! But when the blinkers come off they stay off.

If you’re in the “be good or I’ll punish you stage” time to have a think! me thinks - JMHO

Hello New,

Wow, that is bordering at criminal behavior. Poor guy, may he rest in peace.

Ditch the tramp, and let her rot in hell.

I myself have been in the "have to" phase for years now, and after educating myself, learned that I "have to" nothing, if I don't want to. It is just one of those weapons they use : because you have complied before, it has now become their given right.

Until, this guy started reading on emotional blackmail, toxic relationships, and the way things should be under normal circumstances.

So, the "have to"s start to meet resistance.

Just as it is easy for her to utter the words "you have to", it is as easy for me now to say "no, I don't". All her reactions afterwards are primary targets for me to shoot down as low life, terrible, totally irresponsible, indignant and non-integrity behaviour.

My ammunition's growing with each pass...

What tit for tat?....now you owe me. A bit different. I played that game and tired of it. She wanted a master like her older brother was......I figured it out and was on the next flight out.

I was the only guy to leave and call her a who re.......and live to tell about it.