After breaking up or leaving a marriage looking back at yourself, what was it about you, that made your Nar put on there mask? Money, you just being foolish, sex, etc.... what was it? What made you a good source of supply?

The.mask was on when we met them.

So wait they were mask around everyone else, but only choose to be mean, controlling, rude to the nearest and dearest? I was thinking that they would choose to put on a mask seeing how its normally men who approach women. And during the love bombing phase she begin to mirror or act like the women you would want her to be and use you for supply ounces your in love.

If what I said at the beginning is true then these people are truly sick.

They wear the mask all the time. It is their constructed identity as they want to be seen. When they meet you they WILL morph into mirroring mode. When they drop the mask and you see the monster behind you are seeing the true personality of anger, fear, and pain. They only do this with people they know well hence it is important to see how they get on with their family. A lot of clues there. And many of them approach a man first.....even chase them.

The mask is their shield against the world of their own view. They drop the mask once they think you are hooked.....

Its funny because before getting dumped my ex told me that I really didn't know her, and during the hole friendship break up thing, I begin to see how mean she was, demanding, and just crazy! I saw some signs, but I knew she was a Nar: 1. saying things like I know how you feel about me but this is whats best. 2. I know your your worried about someone else swooping me off me feet. 3. Lets face fact where in to different places in life. (that in to 2weeks before NC) wow what a mask.

What the deal and your feeling on women approaching men?

Since my BPD experience I can pick them out pretty quick.....if they get their nose under my tent I have them pegged within a week or so. I like to dance them a bit once I ID them.....happy chat et al. Leave them with my ex's phone number and my first name and bid them adieu. Occasionally a sane one will approach me and the dialog is entirely different. No overflowing, bubbly, look at me. Just mundane talk. Most however are nuts or sluts......

Mine put on the mask for me because I rode her pretty hard in bed and treated her like a *ho**. I was also very driven to make something of myself. I think she thought she would latch onto me.
Well, when I didn't bring home huge incomes in my mid-20's I guess she thought I wasn't worth the effort. lol
Anyway, I was a bit of a narcissistic man then. But, I have learned the error of my ways and through years of agony and life examination, I am a different man now.
I still have a bit of a codependency issue, but I am working on that.

BTAP, I am not a believer in "codependency" as such. Seems to me about blaming the victim or doubling the customers for the pdocs. Research "dependency paradox" and get back to me.

Seems to me the normal.man seeks an equilibrium......when denied that and under the gun from crazy we sink back to "what did I do"?

Interesting stuff. I often listen to religious shows on the radio when I am driving for work. I heard a preacher today saying that we are all dependent on each other and responsible for each other. I think that this ties in.

In a way I am perhaps more dependent in my marriage because I like being loved and supported. I get no love and support. But, I accomplish a lot outside of my marriage because I can't rely on anyone else.
My wife acts very independent. But, she really has not accomplished much.
Does that go along with the theory of "dependency paradox?"

It is getting there. Read about it. Dependency done correctly is freeing. A home to come back to. Both my ex's ex husbands are happy as hell and thriving. Not at all what she made them out to be. Codependency to me is like global warming.....the facts don't bear it out.

I listen to everything.....some things just bear no fruit. Interdependent is a key to good life. We assume the other wants the same but the disordered never does. They want capitulation and then look down on that as weak......it is in retrospect. See jack the younger's posts. What he is doing is training the BPD. If he wants to keep her it is how it is done......otherwise.......

See Shari Schreibers "training your BPD" or reignitethefire.net.

http://gettinbetter.com/dragon.html

That is the one....it is like walking a rabid pitbull through the dog park though. I quit. Did not need that.

Chump: Hahaha. Interesting analogy.

Hey Chump can I borrow the pitbull I won't let her eat it lmao.. But if he happens to be in a mood and I drop the leash oh never mind lmao

I know I wont grow form this experience until I can answer that. My ex-NPD wife's mother said that I had a "perservering spirit." Let me peace this together. What I remember most about my childhood was my dad always trying to talk rationally to my mom and my mom always getting upset and emotional. What my dad said always made sense to me so I couldn't figure out why the heck my mom was the way she was. My father ened up raising me himself. He never spoke a harsh word to me in his life and he was completely devoted to me. So I know that I am a lot like him. Was I conditioned to accept that kind of behavior? Is it sub-conscious. I know I have always wanted to be in a "loving" family. So going after this NPD woman with her seemingly "good, loving kids" put blinders on me. I went after what I wanted to see, not what was real. Experience could have shown me, but I wouldn't listen. I had love blinders on. I projected this "I can be a great husband and a great father to all of your kids" confidence with no real knowledge or experience. Looking at it, its like saying I could play in the NBA having never played high school ball. What made me think I could handle being a step dad to so many kids and be a perfect husband when I had never done either? I see how foolish I was. Wanting to do something with all the good intentions has surely paved the pathway to hell.

Thansk for asking the question. I am going to keep working on that . . .

Like I said before, all intentions aside, lost boys rescue broken girls.

And broken girls break good men.

For a time.

How can it ever be otherwise? Broken is all they have to share.....