You already know how much pain I am in now. I need help getting out. My wife and I had a wedding ceremony but did not get legally married. She had seven kids and I took them all as my own. We then had one child together who is almost 2 years old. We have lived together for 4 years now. I am just now learning that the problem is her NPD. In other areas of my life, business, athletic, social - I am doing very well. My marriage is awful and miserable. I have known that what I was feeling wasn't right, but I always thought we could fix things and I didn't want to quit. No matter what I do, however, it never gets better. The relationship has become physically abusive. Unfortunately, when her NPD pushes me to the breaking point and I finally snap, everyone thinks I'm the bad guy, I'm the loser, "Don't you put your hand on my momma...." type thing but more than half the time its her punching, scratching, hitting me. Nobody ever says, "Stop hitting him that's wrong" or "mom, stop provoking him . . . ". Anyway, the bottom line is, I loved her, I still love her, but I am realizing I can't fix the marriage and I KNOW that this is unhealthy for everyone. Unfortunately, though our 2 year old son has my last name, some how when he was born in the hospital when we signed the legal paeprs I didn't get joint custody. I am afraid that if I leave I will lose my son, and even if I am able to stay in his life, I will still have to put up with her NPD behavior just to see my son and I don't know if I can handle that. I am totally isolated - no friends, can't talk to my family, no one. I have talked to no one about this. I don't want to abandon my son to this situation, either. The oldest daughter is rude, blatantly disrespectfully, smokes. The next oldest daughter lacks ambition. The teenage son just got a ten day suspension for fighting at school and has been totally disruptive. The three younger boys are still doing well and I do love all of them, but I know this is not healthy for me. I feel miserable and trapped and I struggle everyday not to let my situation at home affect my business life, but I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. Even today I am at work with a baseball cap on right now trying to hide scratches on my face. I have tried to find are resources but there's nothing for a good, responsible man. If there is something for a man, he has to be a drug addict or ex-con. Sorry, not for me. I want nothing more than to get my son and raise him myself. I just don't know what to do. I have been suffering insomnia for the last four months. My blood pressure has skyrocketed . . . . I need an action plan.

your in a tough spot, living with a narc/pdi is like being a mouse trapped in a tiny hallway running from the wall that is chasing it, then u hit a dead and the wall just stops it doesnt kill you but tortures you. these people find the things dearest to you and use that to control you. iv never been in a long lasting relationship nor have any kids but i can symphasize with you.I think the basics to leaving is discreetly secure your assets (bank,money ect)cuz if they get wind of what u are doing they will punish you for even thinking about leaving. as for kids im not sure how that system works but the guys here will be able to point you in the right direction. i understand not wanting to leave ur only kid with this wacko and have him turn out to be like the other kids which she probably got in similar situations like yours.hope that helps

Thanks. I really need support now. Things blew up and I am at a hotel now. This woman (I will no longer call her my wife) and I were leaving to make an appointment when I saw my 18 year old step daughter smoking a cigarette in the yard. I asked her yet again to not smoke on our property and the daughter refused. Instead of the woman backing me up and telling her under no circumstances will there be smoking on our property, she let it go, saying, "Well she's not on the porch." This turned into an argument, of course, in which everything and the kitchen sink was thrown at me. I hade left the house halfway through my first Guiness Stout and she tried to make it seem like I was some irresponsible drunk driver. She then got on the phone with the daugheter to enlist her in the whole mess. Unfortunately, I returned the verbal fire so by the time we got to our destination, it was a full blown say the nastiest thing type of argument, down and dirty. She got out of the car and I realized, this was it. Instead of begging her to get back in the car like I did last week, I just drove home and put my stuff in the car. They were already packed up from a fight we had about a month or two ago and I just never unpacked. Of course as I was loading up the car, police offers showed up. She called them on me. She and the step daughters lied and tried to say I was drunk driving. I offered to take a breathalizer test and blew 0.01 and the officers said, you are free to go. So I hugged my boys and left. This is it. I'm not going back. I have already canceled all the auto bill pay ( I pay everything) and changed all the email passwords (she had afull access to everything). Now I am feeling a mix of relief and a great saddness in my heart. I know getting away from her is the right thing but all my old programming keeps creeping into my head trying to make me relieve situations that make me enraged. I feel nervous about tomorrow and how I am going to handle work. I don't want to talk to anyone, not even my family. ANd most of all I can't allow myself to think about my 2 year old son.... This mess really hurts. I can't believe this is happening to me after all I put into this. I had a great father who was honest and hard working who raised me by himself. I know I am a lot like him. I have to find a place to live, I'm worried about her coming to my work....and being lonely. I wish someone could sit all of us down and vindicate/justify/defend me, but I know that is not going to happen.

i was raised by a mother just like your ahem "wife", and my dad sat on the couch watching tv my entire childhood. i dont know what lucky stars guided me through this or maybe it was the grace of god himself i dont know, but in the end i turned out to be a decent productive person. i know how you feel, we all do. i left my family over 1wk ago and im feeling sad, mad, confused, socially awkward, cant sleep unless i drink an entire 12pk. these kind of people put u in a boiling pot and hold shut the lid so u cant get out. after years of this it really messes up ur entire mind and you get used to it and eventually (for some) just accept it and think its totally normal. this is especially my case i was raised in that boiling pot. after you leave the relationship ur free, but ur mind hasnt quite caught up yet. i have moments where i would freeze, mentally shut down and stumble around a bit before catching myself and snapping out of it. paranoia and the constant worrying is normal. im sorry u had the deal with that and clean up a mess u didnt make. ur doing the right thing, keep at it.

Alex, I'm sorry about your situation. No one should ever have to suffer this. Thanks for your support. I'm not insensitive to your struggle or anyone else's. I'm having a really hard time at this moment. I woke up at 5:30 am because I couldn't sleep any longer. I forced myself to get up instead of continue to let my mind race . . . I'm teleworking today instead of going into the office, but I still have to let someone know my situation and I'm not feeling good about that. My stomach has been nervous and in knots all morning, and I feel a build up of anxiety in my chest. I did a quick morning yoga routine to at least not give up on myself or give in. Over the last two hours I have been doing work on the computer but thoughts of all the things I need to do keep creeping in.

When I left last night, I resolved to have no contact whatsoever for at least a week. Now I'm wondering should I go back and get the rest of my things? I have what I need, but there's still some things that I worked hard for and have a lot of personal meaning to me. I don't know what, if anything, she plans to do with them, but I'd like to have them. Should I call the sheriff and have him escort me to the house?

Also, the woman and I recently started a business. I order stuff that I will need and it is supposed to be delivered to the house. What do I do about that? I really don't have the money to orde a new set of everything. Interestingly, she just text me about how she closed on her first deal and we should go out and celebrate!!!!???? She can have all that money, I just want to get her separated from the business. In my mind, however, I did think about meeting her, foolishly thinking we could still work the business together....I could feel my emotions trying to take over.

Everytime my phone makes an alert I catch myself jumping to see if its her, hoping that she is gonna say the things NPD people NEVER say. I heard a little kid crying inthe hallway this morning and I nearly started crying thinking how I will not see my son today. Or tomorrow. Or who knows when.

Is cutting off all contact right now the right thing to do? I didn't even tell anyone in my family about last night, either. I keep telling myself to go forward, to get rid of any negative thoughts, to treat myself right, but I don't feel any better than when I was still with her at the house right now....

I just found out I need $1500 for a retainer's fee to get started on legally gaining custody of my son. I just don't have that right now. And I have to find a place to live which means paying a deposit and first months rent. That I can do, but I can't do both . . .

Many of us have been there.....get yourself solid and then attack.....looks better in the courts.

id say get ur rent taken care of, establish a secure home base, give urself a few weeks to relax and recover or however long u feel neccessary also to save up your money. then slowly make ur plans to regain ur things and your son. personally i try not to look at the bigger picture, because then i see all of the things that need to be done and how hard they will be to do. think of it like crossing a river. jump on one rock and catch ur balance, then the next. that way your focused on one thing at a time and not trying to juggle all of it. hope this helps by the way i like to use metaphors alot for some reason lol

Thanks. I've got a great job and a very solid public reputation (I get media attention). I want to make sure I don't jeopardize that. It's funny, I go so quickly from resolve to doubt! I'm sitting here in this hotel room alone looking at houses to rent and thinking, is this it? Just being by myself, being so afraid to make a wrong move, and always missing my son? Deep down I know I had to do this. I'm just trying to make it through day 1 and at least get some things done. I don't just want sit around watching TV and feeling miserable. I promised myself no matter what I was going to keep my one scheduled appointment so now I am going to do that. I want to thank you guys for commenting on this and your support. It is helping me and I know you are helping others, too.

read my WHAT NOW thread, i started that one shortly after moving into my new place. the advice there was great and it allows me to keep my cool through all of this.

for right now document everything and I mean everything text messages send to a hidden email. and save every dime you can. find the switch inside and utilize it by this I mean find a way to shut her off, do not participate in arguments any more, walk away. these people are relentless and do not stop.. protect yourself you come first.. when you have enough of a nest egg hidden then make your move, do not be afraid to call the police and get that part of the documentation started!! this will help you in the long run. last but not least embrace this b I t c h for who she is and under any circumstances don't let her close to you or behind your walls she is the enemy!! trust and believe when this is over you will hate her!! take care of yourself homie.. and never let your chin touch your chest!!

Cop card pretty early in the game. I will tell you this and mark my words... bulwark the defenses...you aint seen sh*t yet!

Day 1 of NC almost done. Just wanted to document this in hopes that it may help someone else just as the other testimonies have helped me. Honestly, if this wasn't so freakin' hurtful right now being alone in a crappy hotel and missing my son and my step sons - and being exhausted from trying to get stuff done at work, keep appointments with clients, look for a new place to live, and of course, MAKE SURE I EAT something all the while having a constant nervous stomach....if it weren't for all that, I would be downright laughing my ass off at what she has attempted today. Remember, this is day #1 . . . . So the NPD woman who has been shaming, devaluing, manipulating and everything else that I have learned on this site, so this morning starts with text messages. "Good morning,....I have things in the car, please mail them to me, Thanks." Then a little later it was "let's get together and celebrate, I closed a deal!" Mind you, this is the woman who choked me and scratched my face last week and said "I was only playing." And the same woman who started shameing me for attempting to get her 18 year-old daughter to stop smoking cigarettes in our front yard (we have 6 other younger kids living at the house, including to middleschoolers). So an argument breaks out in the car and when we get to our destination she gets out of the car and basically walks off and refuses to get in the car. Second time that happened in two weeks. She says she don't want to be with me and calls the cops on me and tells them I through her out the car and said I was drinking and driving (Wasn't. Even took a breathalizer). So this same women then calls (I don't answer) and texts that the utility company called her about me canceling the auto pay (off my credit card) so she texts me and asks could I please pay the utility bill cause she can't right now! Some nerve, right?! So then she tries to track me down at work, but I didn't go into the office today, I telecomuted....She she leaves messages on that line talking about can I text her the info about a scheduled meeting tomrrow. The message machine cuts off so she leaves a second message in which she is being very polite but mentions that she is going to fill out the child support papers. Then, in the afternoon, she asks could I send her a password for an account. Nothing about what happened, no empathy, nothing about "am I ok", of course no "I am sorry, I know I provoked everything that happened, I know you feel betrayed that I called the cops and tried to set you up....." Then early this evening I get a "please call" text. Then the step daughter starts texting her fake apology (heard that one MANY times before and then before the day is over she is back at the same behavior)....The other step daughter calls. BOth of them are always enlisted in the NPD woman's schemes. Then later in the evening comes the "I love you" text that somehow catalogs every single thing I said or did last night that she is willing to forgive....that was the one that broke the camels back. The old me would have given in and gone home already under the DELUSION that things would be different and get better. Not this time. Then the step daugheter texts that she has a doctor's appointment tomorrow and no ride and - get this - ends the text with "ummm, so?" like, in "so are you gonna take me?" It's laughable now. Before all of this I rode a bicycle to work so that the NPD woman could have the car I bought and pay insurance and gas, and everything. And now they are seeing just how much choas and dependent they were and they still expect me to put their needs first? No way I'm going back to that. They wouldn'y give a rats ass about anything I need or feel....ANd the NPD woman and this daughter of hers just took everything for granted. Now they don't have access to MY finances, MY car, MY responsibleness that provided so much for them. It was everything I could do not to let my emotions and thoughts of them having to walk everywhere or miss an appointment get the best of me and cause me to give in. The fact is, the NPD woman just doesn't really give a **** about me. I always used to fall for the fake apology, not recognizing it for what it is. Wow. Wonder what is gonna happen tomorrow on Day 2. Thanks for reading and commenting guys. I wouldn't have made it this far . . .

RA,
I interpreted from your posts that she is a lively one. That is quite a bit of activity from her within the first 24 hours of which I for one am not surprised with. Knowing what I now know about these creatures she is just starting to "wind up". With the foreboding nature and intention of the police involvement so early on, I HIGHLY recommend that you keep a very comprehensive and dated record of ANY of her contact with you. Save recorded messages, texts, dates, times, ect WITHOUT HER KNOWING you are doing so. Me thinks down this road you may be well served by having PROOFS.

RA,

I'm impressed, you are handling and seeing the situation exactly as you should.

Like you said, you are just a provider to them, nothing more. They are used to your services, and expect them to continue.

It is actually you who holds most of the cards in this game now, you were just not aware of it before, and didn't get any recognition or respect for it.

Looking from a third person perspective, it is actually quite obvious how the messages evolve, from "you need to do this", to "please call", to "I love you". Do not be fooled by any of the affectionate pings, they are all traps to coerce you back into the spider's web.

The speed at which the messages arrive and the diversity of the subjects suggests that desperation is not far away. They will go head-on for your feelings, because that is where you are vulnerable (being a good person). Put all the incoming messages through the narc-filter, and take each one of 'em which a huge chunk of salt.

Stay strong, I admire the way you're handling this.

Keep us posted, we all want to know how it goes.

Good morning Men*****eHealingAndGrowing,

Last night wasn't so bad. I went to bed early watching a movie. Guess I have been so drained it's finally catching up, and without the constant distractions, I was able to just let go and fall asleep. Of course DAY 2 of NC started with the NPD woman calling at 6:18 am. When I didn't answer, she text. While laying in the bed, I told myself I was not going to start MY day with this, making my first experience of the day some hurtful experience caused by her NPD antics. So I didn't read the text. I decided to get up, do some yoga, and arm myself mentally by coming on this site, checking in, and getting some perspective to start the day. Her teenage son who received a ten day suspension for fighting the other day is supposed to meet with the school superintendent today. Iknow the NPD woman is going to use that appointment, asking "How are we gonna get there?" That's what I was thinking about before I got up. It's an important meeting and even though the teenage step son has caused all kinds of problems in the house, constantly challenging my authority, disappearing on the weekends, blatantly disrespecting me and his mom - well this appointment is important so part of me is tempted to break the NC to make sure he gets to the appointment. It will probably lead to him going to a juvenile facility which is what he needs right now. So this is the first thing that is "pulling" on me today. The second thing is, I need to go work at the office but the NPD woman still has a key to the car and knowing her she would find a ride to the office and take the car and then I would be screwed so I can't let that happen. DEFENSIVE BULLWARKS!!! So I have to have a talk with my employer about the situation and telecommuting for the rest of the week. Finally, I really miss my son. He's almost two and I usually spend 45 minutes with him in the morning before work - we watch Cat In The Hat together - and missing him is the toughest part of all.

Ok, now let's read the NPD woman text. There's 4 of em and it's only 7:22 am. Ok It starts with "I love you and miss you" and asks me do I want a pic or video? Then there's a reminder that she didnt throw me out of the house and that she's not keeping our son from me. Then there's a message asking me to answer my phone. Then there's a LONG message saying that this is what her kids father did to them - got fed up and left - and now he has major regrets. She catalogs his faults (insinuating that I am like him, which I am not). Then she says she wont beg me or question my integrity and wont contact me anymore unless i reply to her - she does this with a "benevolent" tone, as if she is being sensitive to me. HA! She talks about us being a team and "when a team member falls short" - of course the reference is to me and not her. And then she says she "will leave no man behind" because she is so magnanimous, right? Such a saviour! She then says her phone will be off soon and says, "I do ask if u can pay this months bills to give me time to get on my feet!!!! I have to get a job and even if I get on welfare it takes 30 days". Somewherer in the text she asks if there is anything she can do to fix the marriage and then suggests we go to Church and Counseling and then ends the text my saying, "Thanks for the opportunity. I apologize for this. Let this text be proof that I will not contact u less u reply. It's been a day and 2 nites for your son."

Wow! A nice cocktail! What gets me is I know she is telling the kids, "See, this is what men do. When that can't handle things they just up and leave." I know the are going to further compare me to their deadbeat dad who doesn't call, doesn't pay child support, cant hold a job, drinks, etc. The night I left I drank half of a Guiness Stout and now I'm compared to the guy who gets slammed! It's hard knowing how the tables are being wrongly turned on me, and with NC, I am left defenseless. I kept NC with my family as weel because, not knowing any of this NPD stuff, they can't help me. They will automatically assume that there is something I need to do to fix this and I just don't want to get caught up with them and a situation created by their ignorance. So I am completely isolated right now. Even though I can see through the texts, I just got another smack of REALITY. The life I thought I was going to have is OVER!

i like what your doing. telecommuting to not give away your car is a great idea. also dont tell her where you currently are, she will come to you and you dont want that. also saving up records of her texts is good. the way i see it is ur in a safe place and your just beginning to build your defenses. keep it up and ur wall is going to be so high not even she cant climb it. i noticed she used your son a couple times in her texts. she will use him to tug on your strings. when i left my house the only thing she had to use to reel me in was my cat, and she texts me everyday saying she going to get rid of him, she wont because i know her. growing up she would constantly yell out of knowhere telling me how bad we were, how much she regrets having us, and that she was going to give us up, ect.. she never did, cuz it will make her look bad if she did. thats what her biggest fear is. hang in there, keep doing what your doing, its obviously working from her reactions.

RA,
Dayum man...you are ON IT! Looking into my crystal ball I foresee another text by 4pm. Oh as to the teenage son... let that little fart twist in his own wind!

All things truly wicked start from an innocence.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY

Starting to waver a little bit. I went from a house with the NPD woman and seven kids to a hotel room with no one. And not going in to the office, either so I am feeling REALLY lonely and pitiful right now. Should I break the NC to see my son. It's hard thinking he's sitting there wondering "where's dad"? It's two days now. I am going to look at a house now. If I get in and move in, at least I will have a place of my own that's safe. I'm trying to wait until that happens before I go see my son. What do you think? THIS IS TOUGH!!!

Time to use the system to regain contact with your boy. You both need it. You guys with experience chime in.

personally i think you should get ur own place first that way you have a safe place to come home to. and dont tell the npd wife..er woman where it is. i could be way off iv never had kids but i dont think she will hurt a 2yr old child, even narcs probably know its wrong to hurt a 2yr old. and if she does then all the easier to wrestle him from her.

Greetings Everyone! Wow! What a day. Mornings are the hardest. I stayed productive and kept every singel appointment. I talked to my supervisor at work and he was very supportive, making arrangements for me to park in a special area behind the building and giving me the freedom to telecommute. I found two really great houses very near where I work better than the house I used to live in, so that got me excited. It's at the very limit of my budget, but at least I wont feel like I'm living in a dump and doing worse than when I was with the NPD woman. So, provided my application gets approved, I can move in hopefully next week. That will be a major relief. Finances are going to be very tight for awhile, but thank God I am in a position to make these kinds of moves so quickly. My heart goes out to all the guys who just aren't in a position to make changes like they want to.

My NPD woman started the morning (Day 2 of NC) by sending me a picture of my son. Later in the day she text to let me know that my package arrived. Then in the afternoon she sent a video of my son playing at the park. I was already very tempted to break the NC and go see him but I didn't. I know that the best time to do that is after I have my own place. That way when I do go see him I will be feeling solid and nothing she can do can get me because this time I will have someplace to go to, someplace that is mine and is safe and that I am proud of. I think she also called my dad because he text me today, too, bless his heart. He just said he feels bad that things aren't going well with my marriage and try not to make the kids suffer. He has no idea how me staying in a life sucking NPD relationship nearly broke me and brought out the worst in me to the point that I couldn't be the best me I could be and therefore the best Dad I could be, either. He just has no idea so I havent even bothered to contact him yet, either.


It might seem like I have it all together, but I don't. I feel the emotional meltdown constantly brewing and I keep telling myself just do the next thing in front of me that I have control over. I try not to think about the "big picture" or focus on the loss. I just keep asking, "What do I need to do now, and what can I do now" and that seems to be working. That's my advice for anyone else in this situation.

Two days of going cold turkey on my NPD Woman. Who would have thoughtit would be like this???!!!!

Your on the right track RA. Just do the next best thing, one thing at a time. I does and will get worse. Trust me on that.

News Flash: the NPD woman who choked and scratched me last week, who jumped out of the car and called the police on me two days ago, just text "don't quit on us baby. U are beautiful in my eyes; very responsible and self respecting. we have had great moments and overcome a lot. SO try to think about that and let's reconnect and energize our love tonight."

I swear, its a pattern. After every one of our serious fights in which I get physically hurt, she will feel so guilty and be so sweet.....for about two days. She will nurture and cater to me ..... for about two days. And then it's back to the NPD antics. Last week after the choking/scratching incident during the super sweet treatment, I told her I was afraid that it was only a matter of time before she started doing all the NPD things again. Well, I was right. After that last text, the old me would have run back to her all stupid! Tonight I am going to watch some tv by myself. I know that a moment of sweetness leads to an unbearable suffering . . . .

keep it up, your a man. men are strong mentally and physically. your defenitely acting like one. she will break, not you...if she hasnt already. good work

and by the way my mother is also been sending me 1 text a day asking me to come over to eat, and play with my friend(my cat), and talk with my father "he really misses you"! before i left i made a decision i would leave with the least amount of damage as possible, and i stuck to it. so to accomplish this i didnt tell them until the day of moving just as i was taking my stuff down stairs and i did it calmly(this really threw them off). Then within the next 20 minutes that i took to pack my car both of them put on "performances" in an obvious way to try to make me stick around. my dad put on a "im choking help me" act. i knew better because hes old and always swallows his liquids the wrong way and ends up coughing for an hour.sorry not convinced.10 minutes later my mom pulled a "oooh i fell and cant get up" act just like the infomercial. i told her "mom, if ur able to bring urself to your knees from laying down you are fine". i avoided calling them out on their games because i knew they would never own up to it even if they know it be true. today, my mom is furious because i havent answered her texts/calls to come over and eat dinner with us or take your dad out to lunch like you always did on tuesdays. if you keep this up i will take your cat to the POUND.if you keep this up i will delete you from the family phone plan!! now being almost 2 weeks NC, i realize yes, yes i can live successfully on my own. yes, i dont need your phone service (which sucks anyways). i know she wont do it, she cant. she has built up an image of herself so high and holy and righteous even the pope would crap himself. people she knows know me, and i take care of my reputation. not by guilt, not by pity(mom/dad), but how i act and what i do. so they definetly wont go along with her "oh my sons a scumbag" routine. hope this helps

Greetings Men Who Are Healing and Growin,

Thanks Alex. You are two weeks with NC? COngratulations man. Yes, you can make it on your own. As for me right now, I'm at work and the only thing I want to do is go see my son. I'm right on the edge of leaving and breaking the NC to go see him....What should I do guys? I'm struggling to stick to my action plan which was NC for a week and get my own place. I really want to see my son today...help

Greetings Men Who are Healing and Growing,

Day 3 NC update - been a relatively calm day today. I went to work, they made a special parking place for me in the back. I checked my phone messages and sure enough, there were two of them from my NPD woman. I don't even remember what they said but I recognized all the subtle shaming and blaming and lack of empathy, and all the ploys. I remember thinking to myself, "Good reminder of why I am leaving and keeping NC". I didn't get a picture of my son however. That kind of bummed me out. And she didn't text me today either, which was good. I did get a text from one of her teenage daughters asking me to return her brother's phone which my NPD woman gave to me to hold as punishment for her teenage son staying out all night last weekend after we told him not to leave the house. And now her text isn't, "Are you ok? We miss you, ...." nothing like that. Just another request to do something for them and provide something for them....

Some other good things happened. A paid the deposit on my new rental house. It's actually the best house/apartment I've ever rented and it's 25% of my monthly income, so I should be ok. So I am happy about that. My supervisor gave me an advance so I could pay the first month's rent, too. They just deduct $30 out of my check each week to cover it until it's paid. I appreciated that.

"Restricted phone number" just rang on my phone. No doubt that is her.

So now I feel relieved. I have a place to live and I can move in on Sunday. So here's the delimna now...

I want to break the NC in order to

1) let her know I will be coming to get my things on Sunday (that way she won't feel like I surprised her and caught her off guard and use the "you should have planned this with me" NPD tactic;

2) let her know my only priority now is to be able to see my son each and every day before work and after work;

3) give her the van - I won't need it anymore. I can run/bike to work from the new place - it's only 1.5 miles away and I'm a triathlete (well I was until last year when she made me give that up). That's just a warmup training for me. I'll get my own car a month from now. I think that would be a good move to show her I'm not out to get her. I want to keep her in town so that I can see my son. I don't want her moving out of state and if she has the van, I think that will get her to stay a little longer.

What do you think guys? Give me some feedback.

Other than actions that are not in our better interests, at the end of the day no matter what we give to them or what we want, we can never really know WHAT they are going to do. One thing I do know is that once she procures new supply your concerns won't mean a single mouse fart to her.

DAY 4 NC UPDATE

PAY ATTENTION GUYS -

So yesterday was relatively quiet. So I should have figured something was up. Last night after I put down a deposit on my new house and made arrangements to move in Sunday, I text/emailed my NPD woman the following message:

"I hope your are ok. I would like to get the rest of my things on Sunday. Is that ok? Once I have them I will give you the van. My only priority now is to be able to see [our son] every day in the morning and after work. Please help [our son] by allowing me to be in his life. I did not do anything to our [business] bank account and I will not. Feel free to use it if you need to. I am not out to get you or anything. I had to change the password on the email account temporarily. You will get access again Sunday and if you want to continue to build [the business] together, I am open to that. I miss [our son] terribly. I can't wait to be with him."

Of course, I heard nothing from her last night or this morning. Then her teenage daughter text me, "Mom said she will not be available Sunday". So I text back, "Please ask her when she will be available and when I can see [our son.] So this is what she text her daughter who forwarded it to me - pay attention guys:

[note: at this very moment 4:26pm] my phone rings, its my NPD woman and she says I can come and see my son, so I am rushiing out the door right this moment and I will finish when I get back]

Ok. it's 7:49pm and I'm back. Boy what a roller coaster. So the text that I just mentioned and was about to write before the phone rang said this:

"[NPD woman to her daughter forwarded to me] Tell him I treid calling and he didn't answer. Please let him know he is not welcome here since the day he ABANDONED us...he hasn't apologized or anything. he will not just show up at this house as he please. if he wants to see [his son] and thats his only business, I will meet him ar a public place when I am able....since he took the transportation. I am again repairing the damage done by his failure to take responsibility head on...until the damage is repaired he will only esculate and worsen things without humble apologies to all."

So that kinda ticked me off. See how she is using the NC against me? So let me get this straight. I tell her teenage daughter living in our house that I pay everything for not to smoke, my NPD woman starts an argument with me for insisting on taking a stand, she jumps out the car and refuses to get back in,I'm unwilling to go through the scenario last week where I begged her to get back in the car and we fought - instead this time I say, that's it and drive home to get my stuff and when I get there the police are there, she has told the daughters that I was drinking and driving, I ASK to take a breathalizer and blow 0.01 (half a Guiness), the daughters are lying to the cops, so I leave with my stuff so as not to get into a physical confrontation when she gets home, and IM SUPPOSED TO FREAKIN APOLOGIZE?

How come when a woman escapes an abusive relationship no one says she abandoned her family and she gets all the help in the world? But when I escape from an NPD woman and abusive relationship, I'm accused of abandoning my family????!!!!! Really!!!!

So that's what she's been pumping to everyone during this 4 days of NC - that I abandoned them! HA!

So I respond to her text, "Could you let your mother know I would like to meet her at a public place and that I text and emailed a message about giving her the van after I get my things on Sunday. I only showed up at the house after I got no response to my communication. Let's not deprive our son. I am available to meet anytime today."

So I am going through this string of events and texts so that others can have a case study.

So the daughter texts back, "She said if u got her messages the dy after u abandoned your son the first thing she said was dont do this to him and is there anyway this could be fixed and {?] ever deprive her kids of anything and have never, again, she gave u plenty of opportunity now there is none at this moment. Do not come back to the house again and she will let u know when she is available. Thaun U God Bless You form Mom."

So I reply, "Ok. Just want to start seeing my son. I wasn't available until now."

ANd my NPD woman texts back, "ANd now Im currently unavailable. Please no more communication. I will let you u know when I know. There is a difference between not bn available and ignoring someone. I am not avaialable at this time. My main priority is was, is, and always will be the afety of my children."

Mind you I have housed, cared for, paid for, taken on vacation, provided opportunites, you name it, for her SEVEN children. What kind of man takes on the responsibility of seven children all at once? Well I did. My final response was, "Sure. Me too. Please let me see our son ASAP. I know he misses me and I know you want me to be a strong part of his life." It was about three hours after that message that she said I could come visit. I did, but she made us stay outside in the drizzle. We spent about 20 minutes together. My NPD woman was pleasant for this time, started telling me about this new program she started with the kids, was all smiles, like nothing had ever happened. When I left, I went to a department store and bought my son two pais of shoes. I let her know I got them and she texts, "Can you get some diapers and wipes too?" So I get them and come by the house to deliver them, thinking maybe she has softened now and will let me come in and spend some more time with our son. Wrong! She keeps me on the porch and five minutes later I'm gone.

So, I know this is long, but I wanted to show all the ups and downs and twists an nuances that is the rollercoaster ride with NPD women.

OF course, as soon as I get back to the hotel, she calls and asks is there anything she can do to save the marriage?.....

I tell her "yes, but I can't talk about that now." My intention here was to make her think there's a chance so that she won't leave the state with my son. This buys me time to get the money for an attorney to force a custody issue.

I then tell her I need to come by the house tomorrow to get the rest of my things. That didn't go over well....

Seeing my son today was priceless. I'm excited to move into my new house tomorrow, though I don't have any furniture nor a bed. My next step will then be getting a lawyer . . .

"OF course, as soon as I get back to the hotel, she calls and asks is there anything she can do to save the marriage?.....

I tell her "yes, but I can't talk about that now." My intention here was to make her think there's a chance so that she won't leave the state with my son. This buys me time to get the money for an attorney to force a custody issue."





well played, stay a few moves ahead of her at all times. before long you will get what you want and she will finally get what she deserves, nothing.

Thanks Alex. The NC period (just4 days) was necessary for me to thing straight and make moves, but now I need the contact to see my son. She called this morning and put him on the phone - it's so hard going from full-time devoted dad to just a visitor - short phone calls and visits. I know I need to be patient.

Q: is there a legal way to stop her from moving out of state?