We've been apart for four months, now, and here I am all on my own on vacation, in Portugal. I don't know why I put myself through this. The instinct was to force myself to get out there and do things, to re-establish confidence and learn how to be a single person again, but I am really struggling now. I can't stop thinking about our being together.

It seems wrong, because on the surface we weren't happy together. I was on the end of a classic control thing, and it was getting worse. Even so, after all this time apart, and after resisting two hoovers, I feel like there was more to the relationship, and that it didn't need to end. My denial period is wearing off, and I am beginning to feel a real sense of loss.

I'm wavering. Is it EVER a good idea to re-establish contact? For any reason?

No. They will recycle you like a coke can.

Brian,

Short answer, NO!

Easy to say huh? Not easy to do. I'm out for 13 months, a dozen manipulative hoovers since, no sale. See my post Oct. 1st ultimatum. She has tried everything.
If I am correct, what you're dealing with is the memory of how great things were in the beginning. We all thought we had found gold that first 6 months to a year. It was so good in fact that the memory of it drives us nuts! The thing that helped me and I've posted this over and over because it is a truth: Two problems with hanging onto that idealized memory, 1) It'll never come back, so give that idea up, and 2) It was never real in the first place.
These woman are great actresses and know what we want them to be, so that's who they become to entrap us. Everything after that idealization phase happens to serve them and not you. If you were to go back NOTHING would change, oh maybe for a couple weeks, then they revert to who they are at their core. You'll be manipulated, used and abused. And these truths you can take to the bank!
So please stop the second guessing it'll torment you. Know that you've made the right decision and eyes forward. You have a better life in front of you with a deserving woman that can reciprocate love and loyalty to you. It says in the Bible,"You can't plow the furrow straight while looking over your shoulder." True right? Hang tough it gets better.

Wash, rinse, repeat......soon you will.look like Gene Wilder.

Portugal!!! Nice. Go buy some weed. Have a smoke. Take a long shower...put on your best duds and take a stroll on the board walk and SMILE AT EVERY PRETTY WOMAN YOU SEE! Do it for me.