I try to read a chapter or two from the Bible everyday. Tonight I came across a passage about Jesus saying that he was the light of the world. And that the people with hardened hearts will not accept them.

That is the case with our BPD's/Narcs. Their hearts are hardened. They will not allow anyone into their inner lives. No matter how much you love them or care, they will always close themselves off from their own salvation. Their own salvation is being able to share love and their life with someone in a mature sharing relationship.

Take for instance forgiveness, a Narc/BPD will never forgive you for a mistake. They will early on during the ideation phase, but after they devalue you, you won't be forgiven. Meanwhile, they will commit numerous atrocities against other people and have no remorse for their actions.

It is their own buried anger and hurt that has hardened their hearts. I don't know if they can ever be reached.

i have a narc mother and a severly codependent dad(30yrs), and 2 sisters. the oldest sister is as narc as it gets. coming home for 2 days and claiming she has a new sever illness and oh woe is me. then disappearing for weeks and comes home claming the same. and she constanly posts on facebook basically the same god**** ugly ass picture as the last one. it makes me puke the reviews and positive comments she gets. iv tried to slowly inject a new way of doing things(non narc)but she threw it off by fake laughing, and the "you dont know whats its like" speech. at this point its safe to say its hopeless with her. the other sister however is somewhat different.in a way she resembles me how i was 3 yrs ago. working hard at the only job she can manage to get, and in her free time she resorts to video games as her comfort away from her daily abuse. she doesnt know this though. just prior to my going NC there was a bat flying around in my house, at this point i was already an expirienced bat hunter. i tracked it into the vents in my younger sisters room. i said "mom, i obviously cant go into these vents but i can hole them in until the managment gets here to deal with them". (at this point i was fully aware of who she was and narcs, pdi ect.. amd i knew how she would react to every situation. my younger sister was freaking out in horror of a bat flying around in her house, but was relaxed when i told her "its ok, u know iv killed these guys so much iv become an expert". i saw her relax her tention because she has seen me to this numerous times and knows i am more than capable of defending her from bats. when my mother realized her part in this situation was about to go extinct she jumped in saying " hurry up cover that vent, ya doosh." (she said this to my younger sister) her reply was "why are you talking to me this way mom? you always do this when we are trying to fix your problems, we are grown ups let us help you without you insulting us." at this point i realized she CAN be saved, her heart wasnt hardened. i feel with the right environment and the right treatment of her character she will recover just as i am doing now. although she sees heavy traits of narc behavior, her heart isnt hardened. just like me at the climax of my abuse

forgot to mention this but my younger sister and older sister have spent 18 years with my narc parents, i have only spent 15 with them.

Beaten: You are right. I did a lot of thinking about that with my wife. I believe there is a deeply spiritual problem that has to do with the heart and its being hardened. I felt completely perplexed by what I found this woman doing after 30+ years of going to church with me and having devotions and prayers with me in our home, while doing what she was doing (being unfaithful which came to light. I had to do a lot of research on 'can a narc be saved?'. I had to understand the 'false self, real self they develop and why'. I had to understand that she was deeply wounded in her childhood before I met her, and was likely to never be capable of loving me, or receiving my love for her. I thought hanging in there and overlooking her behavior, and putting her needs before my own would make up for it overall ( I recognized she had a problem a long time ago) , and make her happy and eventually more balanced and centered. Wrong. They don't get better with age. They get worse. Do some more research on those topics online. I have some good links I can give you if you don't find sufficient research that works to inform you better.

You need to use this painful situation in your life to make sure you are balanced and centered and right related with your Father in Heaven. I had to do that too. We get so caught up in the craziness of our relationship, and their families etc. we can end up far from where we ourselves should be. Know what I mean? Keep doing the work. Believe it or not. I see you making progress overall, even if it might not be immediately evident on the surface.

Thanks Paul. I know what you are saying about getting caught up in their craziness. They can get you very off track in life.

It's just so hard to communicate with them. I think things are improving, then she will get angry. I can see now why I drank like I did and worked liked I did. I did it to avoid her. At the same time, I wanted desperately to please her.

I would really like to be able to figure her out one day. But, I know I don't want to waste my whole life trying to figure her out.

Paul, I hope things are coming together for you!

Thanks beaten...I haven't filed yet, but she's been gone for 11 months, and probably will soon. She's unrepentant, and she is communicating less and less, because she knows I know what is going on, and have figured out how to respond, so she doesn't get any narc supply from me.

I think that narc supply is their life blood. It is more important to them than everything.

I'm thinking in dealing with my wife, I need to give her enough supply to keep her wanting more, and pull back often. Don't get to close, yet, do little things for her when she doesn't expect it.

They have to value us. The way they value us is by us being an alpha in a way. Yet, I think being with them destroys your alphaness. So, it is like walking a tightrope.

Again, I am doing this to keep the family unit together longer. If I were single and didn't have kids it wouldn't be worth the effort.