At work today we had a new person join our team. i got a brief look at her in between sessions and i had a strange flashback, just by looking at her in my periferal vision. from what little i saw of her she reminded me of a narc i used to associate with. later during my break i opened the room to the break room and as i was coming in she was coming out. naturally we both stopped. she gave me this look as if she had found her next victim, iv seen it before. she reached out her hand and said "hi, nice to meet you". she was a very bubbly, extrememly energetic, woman from that little interaction with her. unnaturally so for her age(red flag 1). i hesitated to shake her hand for a moment cause i was having a flashback from another narc that she resembled quite closely to this woman. i shook her hand and said my name, but i did not smile. as the rest of the employees were smiling and talking to her i did not. i did not smile nor did i continue conversation with her, i was purposefully being cold.few minutes later we were alone in the break room and she was asking me questions. she asked me how long iv been working there, i felt hatred and arrogance brewing inside of me. i felt "oh hell, i can read this b i t c h like a book, lets dig a little for more red flags just for fun".

carefully i engaged in conversation with her. i told her i worked there for 3 months. then she asked me "how old are you"? i intentionally hesitated in answering right away then i told her i was in my early 20s. hah she was baffled, realizing her script isnt going on course. she stuttered a moment and responded that shes in her early 30s. as we are talking im making some coffee. since this script isnt on track she changed the subject. she said "i love coffee, but i cant drink it. you see how im off the wall? im 10 times worse when on caffein".

i didnt respond, i grabbed my cup of coffee and walked to the other side of the room to check the monitor. when i didnt answer her she then said " sorry, im really hyper iv always been like this since i was a kid". (2nd red flag)

i briefly turn to look at her and nod just to show i heard her statement and aknoledged it(didnt want to be a complete d i c k). she then said "why are you so serious? are you always like that? or did something in your past make you all serious? my mind was flaring up with responses like "im angry today",(which i was) and many other thoughts. before i opened my mouth i realized i was about to fall into her trap. she was expecting me to tell her why im serious and what happened. so i didnt answer her and after 10 seconds of silence she said "your just that way i guess"? i shrugged my shoulders i agreement

as i was staring at the monitor i realized that i have seen this very woman before somewhere. i asked where she took her exams at. turns out we were in the same place at the same time taking our exams this june. back then right before the exam she was telling EVERYONE her horror stories. i listened to a part of it. as i thought back about this i realized ding!! (3rd red flag) yup theres no doubt about it. shes a narcissist. after our our conversation she opened the break room door to leave, but as she was leaving she turned around and said " i know im wierd dont judge me, my father lost his firstborn and was an alcoholic ever since. since i was a kid i was always like this". i just nodded.

DING!!!(4th red flag) from what she just told me there was no doubt shes a narcissist. a young child most likely growing up in an abusive household turned her into a narc was my immediate conclusion. i felt a small ounce of pity but nothing more. at this point i saw a fellow coworker next to me. this girl was telling me alot about herself last week. her personal problems, her familys issues. keep in mind i did not force this information out of her, just happened naturally through conversation. and i was watching myself to make sure my toxic traits wouldnt interfere. i thought to myself personal information like this is a big sign of trust from her, not going to abuse it.

i told this girl to be careful around that woman, because this girl sounded like a good candidate for being a victim. naturally she asked me why. i opened the door to the hallway to make sure that the woman wasnt near the doorway where she could hear me. when it was safe i told the girl that "this woman has a personality disorder, be careful what you tell her". she said hesitantly "ummm.....okay"? few seconds later the woman comes in and says to me " i really hope you dont judge me for being the way i am." and then quickly leaves the room before i answer. the familiar feeling of the shaming routine starts to kick in. i told the girl next to me "watch this, she'll be back".

what do you know, in comes miss narc with a concerned look on her face. although my anxiety was starting to shoot up and my hearing was kinda faltering at this moment i knew she said " your not going to judge me are you?" at this point i realized my energy was being sucked outta me and i had to end this game as my vision was getting wobbly. i told her calmly "i think you worry to much". her response was ineligble and she left. i turned to the girl next to me and said "see"? she was impressed.

i went back to work trying to calm down, my vision and hearing returned but my breathing was very shallow and i felt like i was operating 1000mph. even though i was conciously keeping calm. after my work was done i felt it was best to tell this girl what was going on. i pulled her aside and told her "the personal stuff you were telling me last week, DO NOT tell that woman any of it. as a matter of fact if its not work related DO NOT TALK TO HER. other than that keep casual. i do not want to start drama. just trying to avoid it. and the last thing you need in your life is someone causing drama". trust me."

she shook her head and said ok. as i left i suddently felt compelled to go back and give her more information on the matter. just before i left i told her "go on youtube and look up BEGOOD4000 and watch the cartoon videos, i feel its good for you to know this stuff." as soon as i handed her the youtube page i wrote on paper it hit me. i felt as if im starting something bad, like a conspiracy, like i was the catalyst to a bad chain of events. i felt guilt,shame, also i felt that if she does watch the videos and wake up, and breaks bad like i did after learning the truth it would be my fault.

i also realized that i was doing exactly what narcs do. i felt as if i gave a this girl a little peice of truth by showing her, then she would be ought to believe my words on the whole matter. then the compelling feeling to return and give her a little more is just like the narc woman returning again and again to make sure she feels i didnt judge her.

oh god i really hope this doesnt blow up in my face. i truly dont want drama at work and i feel by trying to prevent it my actions may be the cause of it in the future.i dont know. i need my job, it is the key to my freedom. help me out guys, this whole thing feels like a time bomb of my own doing.

In the moment we all have done and said things that we regret or doubt. This is how we find our personal social equilibrium. You felt a sense of doubt in your actions? Good listen to them. Let the issue drop as a basis of your connection with the worker you provided the information to. Cool your jets. You gave a warning which is honorable. No further elaboration is needed. Tell the coworker whom you gave the information to, should she broach the subject, "I felt a heads up was appropriate". Leave it at that.

personal social equilibriam? im confused, i thought doubt is what prevents us from going forward

sorry i mstill confused as to what you are trying to tell me. right now i cant think straight as my anxiety is through the roof and im trying hard to keep it contained.

As info, I'd be reluctant to discuss a fellow employee's personality disorder with coworkers. Just try to do your job and go on.