I'm still feeling pain and having reoccurring memories haunting me day and night, and I am upset because I know that is how she was like before I met her and saved her from hurting herself over her ex. Her and the new guy had thier one year anniversary the other day, and they got like a billion likes on FB and everyone is so happy for them, she is acting now like she is happier than she has ever been in her life. However, she told me before that she had a history of screwing up relationships' when we broke up. Interestingly enough she is having the time of her life with the new guy and has never looked back, felt bad, or apologized. Not sure how she went from 8 months of begging me to be with her (she "dated" a girl back then because she was "searching for people to take her pain away") then suddenly 6 months into our relationship she did the same thing to me she said her ex she hurt herself over did; toss me out like yesterday's trash. The only times shes looked at me have been from across the halls for my response to her games. Her evil friends always told her to break up with/leave me because I was "too nice" And I believe in god and Im a patriot and love my country (I enjoy history). She never stood up for me and said they were entitled to thier opinions, but when people dared call her emo or gay she went off like a volcano. I really want to call her and "unload" for ten hours or so but I don't want to break NC. I find it unfair she passed the same burdens unto me I fixed for her. The main reason I doubt is by how convincingly she "loved me" before. She gave me an 8x10 picture of us together and wrote me pages and pages of how she wanted to marry me etc and kissed me held me hugged me all so convincingly. She also acted sweet, innocent, and modest around me, however when she was with her douchebag friends she would act nasty and immature on all levels and was all about drama. Why did she ask some girl on her period diary what to do about her friends not liking me? She then started to gradually phase me out of her life and ignore me because she couldn't control me in front of her "friends" to make her look good, and now the new guy must be eye candy or something because she's been with him a year. Why did she call me crying telling me she was tired of all the drama and wanted to marry me and be with me forever, went as far to cry and hug me saying she was horrible and didn't mean what she said, and that I was her soul mate. Days later she cheated with the new guy online and started seeing him/dry humping him at school. She has successfully vilified me to all her friends and family, making me look like I hurt her and that's why we ended. Why did she cry happy tears and hug me and not let go for an hour or so when I asked to be with her finally after her 8 months of waiting? then how does she go saying horrible things about me to people that aren't true at all to cover her own ass? She told me she "falls in love really easily" too. This whole thing is driving ME insane and it feels like my mind is in a washing machine on speed wash when Im trying to focus on school, work (I got a job) and my life? She used to have a ton of pictures of me on her wall and kept the messages I sent her in a journal and saved everything I gave her on a shelf dedicated to me, so is she hurting in at least some way? When I met her she to,d me without me she would be cold and lost in a world of pain and darkness and never left me alone, sticky as a a parasite and never left me alone or stopped texting to me/talking 24/7.

Read this....

http://www.bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a101.htm

And make an appointment. Many of us have been there.

I'm sorry to hear about your relationship. By all means see a therapist. It will help make sense of it all and get you to reflect on things that went right and wrong. I would also suggest participating and reading this blog - it helped me connect with a lot of guys hurt similarly by women who are toxic, unempathetic and narcissistic. We have all been injured. Some have healed - others not so much.

By the sounds of it, you are a decent man who was led astray. Most of us were, too. But the more you understand that it wasn't your fault, the better you will feel.

Good luck.

I don't often cop to this, but, I'll pull my pants down... I myself see a therapist. It was sparked initially by my foolish decisions to be involved with a PDI directly after the demise of a long term marriage and also the loss to the reaper of five significant people in my life over a short two year period. I took some hard hits in a short time frame. Such is life at times.

The truth of the matter is that the PDI woman was dealt with in the first two meetings. The therapist explained in very clear terms how lucky and smart I was in kicking her to the curb. He explained that he had seen much WORSE scenarios and I was actually only "slightly" bitten compared to most. He explained I did not mess her up nor could I NEVER fix her. Since joining this site I realize that his statement is true. They can truly F**K you up. Until you understand that they will remain this broken way for the duration of their lives you will remain in doubt about yourself. Until you focus on your issues as opposed to theirs you will remain STUCK.

I continue to see this man as my therapist, I trust him and we have become friends. We went salmon fishing together about a month ago. He has helped me deal with my stuff on a real one on one level. I should note he was my second therapist attempt. The first was a woman whom I saw for a couple of months, but the day she called me "sweet cheeks" and kissed me on the lips my PDI radar screamed RUN FOREST RUN! She is good looking and pretty much placated and stroked my ego. It was not helping me find solutions. That was when I decided a male therapist was my best bet and a buddy referred him to me. He calls me on my crap when need be and also has helped me a great deal in dealing with my grief. In that I am grateful.

In closing I recommend a male therapist with an understanding or experience with PDI's and the PDI victims. You have a right to ask if they have the expertise to understand your issues..

Before I can fully respond to your post, may I ask what is a PDI?

I need some salmon fishing therapy.

First of all fishing is therapy for anything that ails you. Get regular therapy for sure! But my young friend you must do things everyday that require concentrated attention to get your mind going in a different direction. I don't give a rats butt how happy she appears a year later (probably isn't so and doesn't matter). You matter give your attention to yourself not to her. Block her from FB and start messaging other girls!! Let nature take its course let yourself heal--Get Distracted! Good luck with your new assignment.

Well get yer ass out West and I'll show you the best the North Coast has to offer!

PDI = Personality Disordered Individual

What do you guys mean when you say "get in the word"? Don't you all mean get in the world?

I've done a ton of research about NPD, and I am almost positive my ex is a diagnosable narc. When I said, "'You are not who I thought you were" to her, she said, "lots of people say that about me". I know her, and I know her real self has no self esteem or self love, she even told me that. Which is rare, because narcs are allergic to talking about thier feelings.

I have not used the term "get in the word". But where you are concerned Hey, yes it is obvious, you need to get out more. Get in the world.

Therapy soil B food for your soul, and light for your brain.
Both convined = alignment to your spirit, end result,
Happiness.

Cesar

I called my shrink today........ No big deal better to admit you need some clarity then walk in the fog.... My shrink is a woman just thought that might be of interest lol.

PEACE!!!!

The only thing a narc feels is joy from inflicting pain don't be fooled

****....sounds good. Fly, spinner or spawn bags? Used to catch kings, coho, and humpbacks in Michigan. Got a gravid Brown trout on a tiny spinner and spawn bags got me steelhead for a week. Boy do they jump! Lost a few in low trees. Had a 15 lber leap and centerpunch some guy in the back......he went under. Brown went 8lbs.....on a fingernail sized spinner. Fished two days with not a hit and saw a foot long brown rising......tied on the trout spinner and a monster Brown grabbed it....next two casts got a 6 and a 4 lb. Never got the short fish. We cleaned up on the steelies with Brown trout eggs. Flicker spinner killed the browns.

Dad and I cleaned up on steelhead.....locals hated us. They would ask what we were using and we would show them spawn bags we had tied looked like their's.....but ours were Brown trout eggs and they were using salmon eggs. Thanks for bringing back the memory! Was a "river runs through it" week. Many were.

Hey,

Your story is a carbon copy of many men's here. It doesn't help at all,except to know you're not alone, but yours is a classic case. She love bombed you big time, got want she came for, then bounced you to the curb without ever feeling. a thing. This is textbook PDI behavior. Whether she's NPD or DBP is for a qualified therapist to determine, and that's not going to happen. However, you know her, you know her traits. You should continue your education. The more you understand the more available you'll be for healing.
I also recommend that you seek a good counselor that is trained in the DSM-5, Axis 2 disorders. This will help you understand that there was NOTHING you could have done to avoid this. It was going to happen, she even told you so, but we cannot hear these warning signs when we're in love. Please try to remember, you don't miss her, or a real person, you miss a false persona that she used to hook you. You want that back, of course, we all do. But, it'll never come back, so let it go. She used it to get what she wanted out of you then when you were of no more use, she dumped you. Also remember that you didn't break her, and you can't fix her. Not even a qualified psychiatrist will claim to know how to cure NPD or BPD. It just doesn't happen.
These woman are toxic users. Cut your losses and move on. Some of us here were or still are married to these women for years and have kids with them. Thank God you got out when you did. She did you a favor my friend. Welcome to the board, you're in good hands here.

Another thing, I think she is sick and evil for saying this and after I watched "Stop second guessing yourself" by James here I thought of it. The night after she dumped me she texted me and I was still in my denial phase, thinking she was just playing games. I asked if we could ever be together again, and she texted, "Idk,that depends on what happens in the future." and then let me go, stopped talking to me entirely since except for when she would look at me across the halls waiting for my emotional response. She was implying that after she was done f*&^%$# around with the new guy she would come back to me. The dry humping has ended now, but they are still in love and act like they're happy as ever. I find her to be a hypocrite, because she told me all her exes left her and she doesn't leave people they leave her blah blah blah. She never felt bad, never sincerely apologized, just left me alone and never looked back (except for across the halls waiting for my reaction). What do you think and what would YOU do?

Please read: I almost think she goes off what other people think/tell her rather than having her own core opinions and values. Because she didn't start to abuse/ridicule/devalue me until all her friends told her thier small-minded views of me and that I was "too nice" etc. she didn't care I about anything I did for her and the critical moments in her life I helped with. She began to phase me out of her life once she realized she couldn't control me to make her look good in front of others. Will the same happen with the one year new guy?

Well Mark, as long as she doesn't pat yer ass and call ya sweet cheeks and kiss yer lips...your good to go.