Hi, I have a unique situation or maybe I don't. Maybe someone can offer some advise. In a nut shell, she came to me about a year ago and said she wanted out of the marriage and her reasoning was 'she was tired of all the nonsense'. Knowing that there are two sides to each story, I only have my side for now. After almost 18 years of marriage she said she is done. Pain; shock; confusion; anger; dread, all hit me at once. I spent months crying and begging for her to not do this. After hearing all the things I done wrong and her literally trying to defame my name and character, among other things...I later found out that she had started to see someone else and she spent better part of a year, blaming me for everything. I discovered that she was seeing this guy back in 2011. She came to me in May 2012 saying she wanted out. I feel vindicated after finding out what she was doing because as much as I can be (most men are) a jerk, I never thought It warranted a call for separation and divorce. When, the scales fell off my eyes, I noticed what person I had really married. I was being abused for years mentally and emotionally and never saw it. Now, I can see what was going on for all those years. Well, that's all for now.

Not unusual at all. And what do you mean most men are jerks. You've been brainwashed. Some are some aren't and others are beaten into belief. Making it all your fault frees her slipnslide from guilt.

Ticket to ride for you my friend. I got the cheating thing too. I had some serious crossed wires and was ready to take her back after she got rid of the other guy. But that was the wrong move. I have learned that from reading especially on this site. It is probabaly a downhill slide for her and you if you stay around. I know you feel like you have been chumped (no offense to our CHUMP) and you have but that is only because you trusted and loved. When we do that we intentionally make ourselves vulnerable. That is love in the end. No shame there--and no shame in an orderly and peaceful withdrawal now. No questions asked. Dont give aid and comfort to the enemy! SHE breached the code (unwritten law and all that) There is no good reason for that--you didn't do it-her problem-thats it. You can only re-charge and re-wire yourself if that is necessary. YOU CANT FIX HER--so many of us on this site have tried fruitlessly. She will do it to him in all likelihood. Dont fight against her wishes. Your ticked to ride!

Thanks guys for the input. Yeah, I've been beaten into believing the lies...

Eighteen years is a long time. Go easy on yourself Eriv, recovery is a process.