SUPPORT FOR HETEROSEXUAL MEN WHO HAVE BEEN ABUSED AT THE HANDS OF WOMEN ! ( EMOTIONALLY, PHYSCIALLY, FINANCIALLY, OR OTHERWISE ) AND THE DISCUSSION OF PERSONALITY DISORDERS AS IT HAS BECOME INCREASINGLY DIFFICULT FOR US TO GET HELP
Hi all,
I am Raggy, from India,
I got married to a beautiful girl, from a far northern part of India, whom I met while she was working for the same Company - we were in the same big office but completely different departments.
(which later I discovered that she was asked to leave that job as she had shouted back at a customer over the phone and spoke disrespectfully.... She quit that place and joined somewhere else..... And that's when I asked her out on facebook.)
We were going out for about 8 months and never did I really mind her rants and raves, small ones .... Like : you don't spend time with me.... And do you really love me..... And the need for constant reassurances , like: how will you keep me happy, (or) I don't want to live with your parents (or) how will you take care of me ....so on.
I used to address her concerns as honestly as I could... Mostly thinking that she needs to know my love is true, and that I would get married to her one day.
I spoke to my parents (and she does not have parents... Both mother and father of hers passed away when she was 5 or 6 yrs old)... So her uncles came together and got us Married.
It's been 1year 3months today - we haven't had sex.
In all these months she would say mean things to me, and when I react, put me further down saying I was the one who was wrong... And that my behaviour was bad , I was walking too slow, eating too fast, talking crap, not letting her sleep, not taking care of her, complaining about her, I was not being responsible, was driving too fast or too slow, and that I was constantly complaining that there was no sex.... Etc,etc. (This happens in a movie theatre recently, when she saw the couple in the movie kissing and intimate - she passed a comment saying would they do anything else other than all this mushy act... I responded that newly married couples often spend their time like that romantically , unlike you and me.... (trust me folks... She hasn't properly let me kiss her / intimately touch her even after marriage) The best thing happened to me so far was to get my load off by she allowing me to rub against her when I was desperate and hard.
Now n the only thing she says that I take out faults of hers, criticize her, make her sad with my constant arguments.... While she's the one doing all this.
Jim thinking of going to couples/marital counselling and therapy.
I am Raggy, from India,
I got married to a beautiful girl, from a far northern part of India, whom I met while she was working for the same Company - we were in the same big office but completely different departments.
(which later I discovered that she was asked to leave that job as she had shouted back at a customer over the phone and spoke disrespectfully.... She quit that place and joined somewhere else..... And that's when I asked her out on facebook.)
We were going out for about 8 months and never did I really mind her rants and raves, small ones .... Like : you don't spend time with me.... And do you really love me..... And the need for constant reassurances , like: how will you keep me happy, (or) I don't want to live with your parents (or) how will you take care of me ....so on.
I used to address her concerns as honestly as I could... Mostly thinking that she needs to know my love is true, and that I would get married to her one day.
I spoke to my parents (and she does not have parents... Both mother and father of hers passed away when she was 5 or 6 yrs old)... So her uncles came together and got us Married.
It's been 1year 3months today - we haven't had sex.
In all these months she would say mean things to me, and when I react, put me further down saying I was the one who was wrong... And that my behaviour was bad , I was walking too slow, eating too fast, talking crap, not letting her sleep, not taking care of her, complaining about her, I was not being responsible, was driving too fast or too slow, and that I was constantly complaining that there was no sex.... Etc,etc. (This happens in a movie theatre recently, when she saw the couple in the movie kissing and intimate - she passed a comment saying would they do anything else other than all this mushy act... I responded that newly married couples often spend their time like that romantically , unlike you and me.... (trust me folks... She hasn't properly let me kiss her / intimately touch her even after marriage) The best thing happened to me so far was to get my load off by she allowing me to rub against her when I was desperate and hard.
Now n the only thing she says that I take out faults of hers, criticize her, make her sad with my constant arguments.... While she's the one doing all this.
Jim thinking of going to couples/marital counselling and therapy.
Raggy, welcome to dysfunction junction where we wind up trying to get help and maybe some friendly advise. Maybe it also allows us to vent before we blow up don't know. I've read what you posted and have to admit that's a new one on me. Married over a year and no sex...... how much time are you willing to devote to something so out of the norm? And even if your devoted to her and love her do you think you should sacrifice yourself? Cause you will I think. I'm not going to advocate anything at this point. Therapy: I doubt she thinks there is anything wrong or so you've made it sound. No one here is a therapist most of us have seen one. I'd be more likely to seek therapy for yourself to start. Just make very sure you pick a therapist who has the best references for your budget. Good luck ........................end of line
PEACE!!!!!!
WAI, Paul & Mark (uppercase), thank you guys for looking this up
Please also note, that I... Outta living in this frustated state of mind, and nowhere to go with my balls in the hand, kinda mentality did have the worst kind of arguments, pushed her, yelled.at her, cried, screamed, beat her up.....
On the contrary... Numerous times... Patiently set her down, spoke to her in attemps to understa.d the core problem, issues, her feelings , did all the things that may please and arouse her phy and emotionally.... But in vain.
Having said that, please do .it judge me, I'm not an ill minded person to beat up a lady... But really really lost it in her wicked and twisted - most emotionally devastating verbal abuses.
How far is too far... ? I sometimes feel, if I walk on egg shells... Constantly trying to nip the small sparks and the sharp thorns... Dodge the surmounting bad feelings... Find a meaning and purpose of life with such a partner ? I really really adore, love and care for her, her mind, feelings and future with me.
BTW ... today... It's the sweet times in the mean-sweet cycle days I'm goin thru...
Today was without any arguments (by far...tch wood)... The second I feel happy the way things are going.... Some thing or the other pounces on me... Accusing me... Putting me in a bad spot,... Or a criticism.. so on.... I
But till then... Imma just gonna be.... 
R.
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