Looking back, according to my ex she left the guy she originally left me for to come back to me, simply because I was more of a challenge. Apparently this guy was "so understanding and so boring" the night she left him she belittled him and threw him out, in which he walked out calmy, as he usually did when she raged, she took this as he didnt care about her, and she screamed "show some **** emotion, stop being so **** calm, this isnt love!" Looking back on it......a challenge? What does this mean to you guys? I want to see if it matches my view.

Normal bpd beatdown.....giving up on a bpd enrages them. They kinda want a boss and a fight. But a normal man....who needs that? They fear and hate being left.

Yep they hate the dump. Might even tell ya ya got a tiny pecker as you walk out.

Hi Chris,

My take on this : all women need emotional support in a relationship, they need a guy that shows he cares about her emotions. She needs to feel cushioned in whatever emotion she shows him.
It is kind of a love-test : if you take her hand and follow her into her emotion (even rage), you show you care about her feelings and thus love her.

What happens in the real world :
A man needs to keep his calm. An important part of this task is to keep out the flak, the unimportant nonsense that tries to distract him from his calm, that tries to get him off-center.
Now, the wife come in, needing proof of support, and starts to create some artificial emotional issue, or blows up a tiny existing one.
The guy, knowing her well, knows it is artificial and unimportant, and chooses to ignore her silly request, to stay in his center.
Voila : the woman feels unsupported and frustrated, and reverts to "you're a stone", "no emotions", "don't love me", etc.

The main reason is that we have different needs in a relationship; a woman usually does not understand a man's need, and vice versa. A lot of women are also quite self-centered these days, which does not help the issue at all.
And on top of that, woman are not able to block incoming emotions; as such, they can not imagine that a man is in fact very able to do this; thus she misinterpretes his ignorance with non-loving and starts looking elsewhere.

Personality disorders can not process a chalenge.
If you present a chalenge to another person, this involves motivation, empathy and self awareness. All these things are too high on the shelf for a PD character.
The way to cause a rant in a PD character is to ask a question that requires such spontaneous emotional skills or in other words knock on the door of the soul.

It may look like some kind of chalenge or attempt to win favour or be superior. All it is in fact is a run away from reality.

One other reality is the fact that this is also a phase we endure growing up. We all have these rants and run away from ourselves at some point. Most of us get through this phase of life during the cow boys an indians situations in infants school. But walk through any shopping centre today anywhere in the world and there are people playng cowboys and indians well into adulthood.

You can help a tortured, undeveloped soul open up. This is the task that has to be achieved in order to save such relationships. It requires a mature open self loved identity to instigate such assistance, throw in a psychiatrist as well.

I see on this site, there are teenagers adopting trendy PD ideas to lable friends and partners and see themselves in a fake light of assumed entitlement and premature maturity. This is the case for many of the assumed victims. Many folk here are standing on fake foundations, quoting assumptions about other people that can mesh with any fault at all they are hiding within.

Hi Chris,

Several things at play here, Mirror made some good points but here's another take

A PDI use a different language than us, so think about the word "challenge". How are you a challenge? Remember to them life is to be played and won and at any and all costs. The guy she left simply wasn't playing her game. He wasn't joining in her rage games, her "love me by showing me" game. He was an adult.

PDIs have no concept of an inner emotion, it's always got to be shown, displays of love , hate, distress, are all externally over performed like a bad actor reading a bad script. Like everyone, PDIs judge by their own standards. If the other guy wasn't "showing it" - it wasn't there. To a PDI rage is just another way of saying you care. Showing it, validates there view of the world.

Coming back to you?

I think she's thinking, Can I get this one to love me like I love myself? Only on the surface. Will this guy "play my game"? Will this relationship be emotionally externalised like I want it to be?

Can I win? Can I control this relationship by using myself as my only comidity? Is this relationship "safe" emotionally? is it what I know from my past?

If not - I'll run away....move on.

IMHO

New, Well said. It is "pretzel" logic.

New, exactly what i was thinking. That guy showed no emotions according to her. Now for someone who isnt in touch with their own emotions, why is it so important for someone to show theirs? It makes no sense....a challenge meant to her, i gave her a run for her money, i would argue back, stand up, get hurt. It was these reactions she was looking for. If she didnt have these, she got bored.

...all posts following Jack the younger's post appear to be contrived...not discrediting Jack's post or anyone's before it. After Jack's post, they all just seem to be the "SAME" person having a very boring conversation attempting to impress.....After Jack the younger's post--all attention is directed at how great "The New Me" has been expressing himself with such clarity--exerting self-wisdom beyond compare to anything or anyone before him. Both "The New ME" and "Mirror" are the same person, or at least they have the same goal in common: Self-proclaiming Prophet (s). Chris' post from the start may or may not have been authentic---going to be a gentleman here and just assume it was. That being said....Chris' last post just before my entry (now) does not appear to be credible!

Chris': "New, exactly what I was thinking."

If this is the same Chris as the Chris who opened this thread from the start----this whole thread just appears to be a "set-up". I'm not saying that Chris, the created of this thread is being dishonest. However, if you are expecting me to believe that both "Chris" entries are authentic---then yes--this entire post is nothing but a shame created by "Chris"....AKA--"The New Me"....AKA--"Mirror"