Hi everybody, having had serious suspicions for a year I am dead cert that my boy's mum
is indeed a narc. We have recently split (bout a month ago)
However I foolishly let her become good friends with my close cousin and I am finding it very hard
to get her out of my head on get on with life, as she is always around there, we have agreed to no contact other than anything involving our son which she does adhere to however with a court date soon looming, she has been less rude/offensive and more accommodating as well as respectful, which has now got me puzzled could it have been me all along? towards the end of our relationship it was always me who was paranoid of her, I was constantly checking her phone and social networking (as she had cheated on me before, and even told my cousin's wife about it).
I also found out towards the end that she had joined half a dozen dating sites, however I must admit i was no saint and did have a tendency to flirt with females when out on the town, I guess it was down to the crazy making and low self esteem not a valid excuse i know but that's all i could put it down to.

Anyways cutting a long story short she contacted me regarding our son not behaving and asking me to send me pictures of him in his football kit, I have since felt myself falling for her again even though I have promised myself to be respectful to her but stay strong could this be a case of her just trying to soften me u before our joint custody case begins or is it something more sinister?

Does anybody have any advice, really struggling with this nc part

Rule 1 - Stop wondering if its your fault - it isn't - you didn't break it- you can't fix it! Sometimes being paranoid is what your intuition says is right.

Rule 2 - NC is the only way ahead FOR YOU

Rule 3 - read - read everything, this site, watch James videos, google "when love is a four letter word" at getting better.com google "out of the fog" and check out the toolbox, trates and forum, learn the language. Learn what gas lighting is, what hovering is, learn what lack of accountability is and how they manifest it, learn how this looks and feels when she does these things;- from your point of view.

Rule 4 - keep a record of everything- all corrispondance from her and any responce from you. She will gasslight, lie, and make things up. Write a private log (not for any bodies eyes but yours). Keep everything concerning legal stuff and your son VERY legal and done through a legal route via a lawyer

Rule 5 - they lie. Do not be fooled, if it feels like a lie.....it is

Rule 6 - nothing is ever their fault even when it's bloody obvious it is.

Finally learn to know when she is using the known PDI tactics against you. Hovering and the sweet/nasty cycle of abuse is what you first post is discribing, along with blame throwing. Well known PDI tactics.

Because of sock puppet trolIs i no longer post as I used to here, but I felt you needed pointing in the right directions

Good luck , it does get better, never forgotten, but better.

Thanks for the feedback guys much appreciated,
I'll keep u updated
Many thanks ASH

Update people,
Well surprise surprise she has now started seeing some other guy but funnily enough when we ant to our first
Court session, she claims she apparently agreed to shared custody with me to the child services rep, we have to attend again on the 27th Jan.
should I take this at face value or could it be a ruse.

Incedently I had to drop our Child off to her so that she could get the train home before i went back to work.
Having got to work I was then blamed for the fact that it was late raining and it took her 2 hours to get home,
guess everything will always be my fault even if I try to help her huh

I refer you back to my previous post

Rule 5: THEY LIE

They lie for one reason and one reason only.... to beat you in the game only they are playing.

I also refer you to the previous post where i said - get it said - in writing and LEGAL