I lived with my ex girlfriend for 3 years she showed all the signs of narcissism. Very controlling (down to what I wore, what time I had to be home, I had to go to bed when she said, got up when she said. Didn't care or listen when I expressed concerns or opinions. Would get angry and violent when I told her she was wrong or being hypocritical and made important decisions without speaking to me. Sometimes beating me so bad she bust open my lips and nose.
In June, we returned from holiday to find her sponging 22 year old sister on our doorstep looking for hand outs again.(she was 22 but acted like a 12 year old and always expected to everyone to do everything for her)this time with her new boyfriend of 2 weeks saying he was homeless. Without speaking to me my girlfriend (actually fiancée) let him stay in our house for 4 months. Her sister was also there even though she lived with her parents. They sat around my house, making a mess, not paying for anything, expecting me to foot the bill for them, give them rides everywhere, they had poor personal hygiene and was very disrespectful. Lounging around my living room all day with their feet all over my furniture. I told my fiancée I was not happy she took their side every time, resulting in me going back and forth staying at my parents. IN turn, being forced out my own home. Every time she would phone me crying asking me to come home I did then I'd be dis respected again. I asked when they were leaving and she'd argue and shout at me or completely refuse to talk to me and jump in MY car with them and go off. Her sister would also get involved in these arguments and when I told her to shut up and stay out of it my fiencee gave me more abuse so I the end I was getting it from all angles and felt helpless.
By October I'd had enough and when they wre out I changed the locks and threw them out and finished with my fience. I stood my ground I wasn't being taken for granted and disrespected anymore.

She took a lease out on her own place and suggested we live separately, work on things then move back in together after her lease is up. She would phone me everyday telling me how much she loved me and missed me then be all distant and when I asked make excuse. She'd also ask to see me then make excuses last minute but when she did see me be all over me kissing, hugging me and telling me how much she loves

Last week she look in my online bank account, seen I'd cashed a check for £30 and started to phone and text me giving me so abuse because it was supposedly her money too. She was really getting to me that day and left me in a state. TELling me she had a date which distorted me then told me she made it up to hurt me.
Later that day I went to see her to ask her why she was doing this and she ignored me completely so I grabbed hold of her and shouted at her but she still wouldn't answer so I left.
Later on that evening the police turned up at my parents and arrested me, she told them I punched her. Luckily they believed me and let go without charge.
This week she's been emailing me constantly as I got rid of my phone so she can't abuse me or tell me she loves me and make it any harder for me. She emailed me being very abusive, threatening and telling me this is all my fault. I tried to appeal to her better nature by telling her I love her and understand she hurting and I'm hear for her but I got more abuse. I then stopped relying and ignored her.
Yesterday she emailed asking to speak to but I ignored it. She later called my parents house and luckily no one was home but me and I answere sand she's asking for me to meet her and go for a walk and talk. I asked why she wants to see me and what she wants or talk about but she wouldn't be straight she just kept sating 'do you want to or not'.
Later that evening I saw her at my local shop (she's moved into a house a 2 minute walk away from me) so I went over to ask why she wants to see me and she drove off erratically at high speed.
I am so confused. My head is all over the place I feel like I still love her but is that a result of what she's done to me? I don't know why she wants to see me and I'm quite edgy about it so I didn't go but I know she will ask again and I know she will keep contacting me. I want to know her intentions and reasons for wanting to see when she keeps saying this is all my fault and she hates me. I've tried to explain I loved her and the last thing I wanted to was throw her out and end it but she pushed me too far but in her eys it's all my fault and she hates me but then the next thing she loves me again.
I wish I could understand her. I just want to know what she wants to meet me for why she can't just say want she has to say on the phone or email.

After reading your post my first feelings are:

Danger,Danger,Danger
You sound like a nice guy being controlled by this woman. Does she want to ambush you? why does it have to be in the park? why all the mystery?

I might be all wrong but just be careful.

I am in a relationship that anybody from the outside would why have you allowed yourself to be abused for 30 years by this woman, so while you are in it it is hard to see but from the outside it is clear. My wife did the same with sister to me completely disrespected me and i was not allowed to say a fu**ing thing.Because WW 3
would have started.

30 years of pain and misery. I am thankful i found this website to not feel so alone.

"Because WW 3
would have started."

They must all have the same response.

Lee,

Dr. Andrew Bugby ex girlfriend also request to see him in a park in this documentary called Dear Zachary. You might want to review it?

Its plain to me but not simple for you GTFO and stay out.....end of line

Lee,

As I have stated in my response to your other post, you MUST be strong and stay away from this toxic woman. There will never be anything normal about your relationship to her. There will certainly be chaos and harm to you. You must NOT SEE HER, PLEASE!

Go find a nice, normal woman and invest your time there.

See, this is what they have conditioned us to believe.

We peace-loving men are abused by women who exploit our 'weakness' (loving peace) to get what they want. It is basically terror, the fear of objecting to an enraged individual, and is used by dictators all over the world.

Thanks for your response.
I met her, cautiously, the other night and shes now telling me how much she loves me and is sorry for hurting me and not to be sad. I still love her, miss the good times when we were alone and find it really difficult not to think about the bad. its so hard.

I'm sorry for you Lee. I suspect the meeting was for her to see if she could still lure you back in. She is enjoying your inner turmoil over this. It makes her feel strong. She is feeding off of your soul right now.
Go no contact.

I'm just so confused. Am so depressed without her, be happy spending time with her but then anything she says or does can make me depressed again. Yesterday she bought me a new mobile phone and she's been looking online for furniture for my new place being really nice. I saw her the other day and I felt happy and some comfort from having seen her but then she says how well she's doing and how happy she is living with her sister. She was happy living with me she doesn't understand I had to make a stand and throw her out because of the way I was being treated. I'm so confused.

Lee,
I'm sorry to be so blunt, but it's time to grow a pair. Stop taking gifts from her. It's all a manipulation and I assure you that there are expectations and strings attached. Get far away from her!

Lee, are the gifts she is buying you stuff you need? Or is it stuff she wants you to have?

Growing up, a manipulation tool my parents used was buying me stuff I didn't want. Then they would say, "look at all we've done for you."

Anyway, I know how depressed you are. I have felt it many times over the years. I assume that when you start feeling strong she comes back around and knocks you back down again.

Hang in there and try to live in an emotional place where she cannot impact your emotions.

I actually did need the phone as I broke my last one 2 weeks ago as she was giving me abusive calls and messages all day over a £30 cheque I cashed as she thought she was I titled to it.(it's all explained in my first post)

She thinks it's all my fault and I have all the making up to do to her and it's going to take time ect. I don't know why she doesn't understand that the reason I threw her out is because for 4 months she let her sister and boyfriend lord it up in my home with me pushed aside having to stay with my parents. Every time I tried to say It was time for them to go she'd get angry with me and stick up for them. If it wasn't for that we would still be living together.

One day she says it was their fault and that was the straw that broke the camels back and they are **** taking sponges the next day she'll say it isn't their fault and they needed help. I'll help anyone but not if they just sit around my house, stinking, doing nothing, not paying, being disrespectful and taking advantage. It went on for 4 months and she did nothing about it apart from take their side.

Can narcissists go on a mission to do everything for people (even ungrateful, sponging, **** takers like her sister and boyfriend) to get some sort of high out of being looked upto like a mother or some sort of hero because she's always doing things for everyone especially her sister who does nothing for herself because my girlfriend is always wiping her arse. I.e lounging around my house doing nothing expecting me to foot the bill. There is so much about narcissism I want to know to try and make sense of it all. She fits the criteria so well in everyway. Still very confused about it all. I wonder if she really is happy or just trying to make me think she is.
Sorry if I'm on a rant but it's all very confusing.

Lee,

You've been used as a servant.

A lot of women these days live in the idea they deserve to be served, and get angry if shown otherwise.

The good times were just created to lure you in, and to confuse you about her real personality.

That's why you're having such a hard time believing all of this, and that she is really that kind of a person. It was all a show to get to the goods.

One typical characteristic of those people is that they always try to see how far they can go without you objecting. Each time they'll go a bit further than last time, and before you know it, police gets involved and things get out of hand.

Best to throw her out of your life, you deserve better. There's billions of other women out there, better to stick to the worst one...

One day she's nice to me, looking into my eyes telling me she loves me, hugging and kisses me, the other day even bought me a new phone, the next she acts like she doesn't want to know and when I ask why I get told I'm causing an argument.

When she texts me if I don't text back she says I'm ignoring her and sends me ????? but when I text her she either takes forever to get back or doesn't at all and she avoids any questions I ask about why she is being like this. But I've noticed when other people text her she jumps at her phone.

Does she know what she's doing is it on purpose or is she doing it naturally without realising? I've really been making an effort I'm so confused.
Do I just pretend it doesn't bother me?its really getting me down. I've told her how much I care and she's told me she overs me too. When I do ignore her she says how much she loves me and misses me and I feel bad because I do love her .

I just don't understand. How do I handle it? I'm so down and depressed. Should I try and. Act like I don't care?

Yes, you should. And you should not care for real too.

She's behaving in a confusing way because her projected feelings are not real. It's not easy to keep faking it all the time, that's why sometimes you see her ignoring you, the REAL her.

She's just keeping you around to use, and play with your feelings, and maybe to get some more experience for the next show.

It's all a game to her.

Better to get out while you still can...

Hi Lee,

Sadly, you've been used (and she's still trying) by a very accomplished, emotionless, manipulator who has no compassion at all for you or your feelings when she does these things. She has no feeling for you now .... Or ever did.

She is using you to get her PDI kicks and will say and do anything to get what she wants with no thought for you or anyone else.


No woman who can treet you with the degree of contempt these women do CAN have feelings for us.

I know it hurts dude, but it's the truth that takes time to come to terms with ; but you have to sadly. She's toxic no more no less.

It's been said, cut your losses - you are a nice guy, ( I know that because that's the guys they target - make no mistake, you were targeted and hunted by a master of camoflage and cunning), you diserve better than her.

The other day she said she wanted to sort things out and take it slow. I took her out for a meal and she bought me a new mobile phone. I thought everything was going well then on Thursday she hardly spoke to me so on Friday I asked her what's wrong I said 'why are you all over me looking in my eyes telling me you love me one day asking to sort things out then randomly being off with me'? And she got angry and said 'don't start with me I can't be doing with this off you causing arguments. You haven't changed you never will'! So I. Just said I'm not causing an argument just saying how I feel and she ignored me for the rest of the day. She text me this morning and I replied since then she's ignored me all day and I don't know why she always blows hot and cold?

she could have been ******* another guy. my ex said she wanted me to come over and since i took 2 hours to respond she already invited over another guy which i later found out. she brushed me off the rest of the day/night turning off her phone. later i found out she was ******* some random guy. when i found out it only made things worse to the point she trashed me and i blew up her phone to **** her off. they think they are slick and can get away with this kind of crap. im sure she got away with it for a few weeks since she was doing this kind of brushing me off behavior prior.

Yes you do! She's nuts! Stop allowing her to torture you with this sick cat and mouse game. Get away from her bizarre butt and go NC..... Please!

I'm a boxer and I had a fight last month and we weren't speaking. I traveled home after the fight and turned my phone on on the morning and I had around 20 missed calls and 10 texts asking if I was hurt and if I was ok and will I please let her know. Little things like that make me think she does care. She just can't get over me throwing her out which I had my reasons for, never wanted to do but was fed up of being abused and taken advantage of. I'm so confused and hurt by it all.

Lee,

you need to understand...I mean really understand, the mean sweet cycle of abuse you're going through. This is a perfectly normal behaviour for them - this push pull of your emotions is what kills us - (literally).

http://outofthefog.net/CommonBehaviors/AbusiveCycle.html

This site has all the signs of a PDI listed (not all are present - think of your GF as a pick n mix of these things).

the full 100 list is here

http://outofthefog.net/CommonBehaviors/Top100Traits.html


dude read this list , ask yourself is this treatment for you (it might be), if not - get shot of her out of your heart.

this page also has some real good proven (in my case) advice

http://www.outofthefog.net/CommonNonBehaviors/Toolbox.html

good luck

Lee, she wants to go slow because she has other guys on the line. She won't commit.

As for being hot and cold, if you stay with her get used to it. I still get it in my 21 year marriage. I think my wife and I have turned the corner, then, an hour later (usually after a text) she turns cold.

Just run...

One thing I am almost certain of is that there is no other guys. The more effort I make the more she moves the goal posts. She takes hours to reply to me if I send a message when in the past she replied straight away. I understand people are busy but it's all the time and I've noticed when her friends or sister text her she jumps out her skin to answer. I brought this up and got shouted at 'your never gonna change I can't be doing with this'.

After she asked to give the relationship another go I've taken her out for meals and really made an effort. When we are together she looks in my eyes telling me she loves me and kissing me, telling me everything will be ok and not to feel sad.

The next day she hardly bothers with me and it really upsets me. All she cares about is that I threw her out. She says she's the victim and I've got anger problems and this is all my fault and I've ruined everything.

The more effort I make, because that's what I think she wants, the more I get messed about. When I bring it up she denies everything. I can't say a word. If I ask to her face she blows up she can't be doing with this and says I just want to argue. If I text her and ask about her behaviour she either says the same or just ignores my questions completely.

Is it all on purpose or does she not realise? I've really had enough. Even if I try I can't avoid her because she's renting a house on literally the next street from my parents. Of all the houses why the closest possible to me? I can ignore her calls, texts and emails but I'll end up seeing her at some point.

I went out last night and met a nice girl. Had a drink with her and she asked for my number. She could be just what I need to get over her but I don't wanna come on to strong. I don't know how to handle it my ex really messed my head up

Lee,

Read this:

http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2013/12/14/chicks-despise-niceguys/

Sunday morning she text me saying she had a bad dream and needs me, wants to see me that day and made an excuse last minute. I told her to go **** herself and left it at that.

Today, 5 days later, she's text me saying she can't forgive me for what IVE done to HER and I'm lucky her boyfriend doesn't break my legs. I just laughed and said ok good luck.

Last week she's buying me a new phone looking in my eyes telling me she loves me, saying she wants me after she had a bad dream a few days later all of a sudden she saying she's got a boyfriend who cares about her enough to try and break a trained boxers legs. I just don't get it.

shut up with your gay boxer ****. women can get a boyfriend every hour of the day if they want to. you dont mean **** to a woman let alone a toxic woman and nobody gives a **** that youre a boxer unless they want any money you make. its all ego in your head. mpthing funnier than a douche getting scammed by a woman

Yeah whatever! First of all we are supposed to be guys helping each other here with our experiences.

All I'm saying is how strange it is someone can love you one day then hate and threaten you the next.

There are women out there that we will mean something to who will treat us good and love us properly and unconditionally like we love them. I had one from age 19 to 25. I let her go probably the biggest mistake of my life so far.

And I haven't been scammed. First of all I threw her stupid **** out of my house onto the streets and refused to listen to her crying and pleading. I stood strong. Last time she threatened me with her step dad I went around there. And no body would come and face me despite THEM threatening ME. So I smashed her car up absolutely kicked the **** out of it.

The only mistake I made was not smacking her stupid dumb **** down when she was hitting me and making my life hell. But I'm not that type of guy. Now ive been pushed to far. My second mistake was loving someone too much and treating them too nice and letting them have there own way. But I was young and nieve and thought I should be really really nice to someone if I love them but it backfired on me big time. My third mistake was always seeing the best in people I love and care about but I always try and see the best in people.

Thankyou

they dont love you thats part of their game. its grandiose idolization followed by devaluation. its infatuation boosting you up to be high narcissistic supply. during this stage they are aware that thats all it is so they will continue to flirt with other guys behind your back even during this time. there is no love. they wouldnt be narcissists if they loved. they boost people up solely for the purpose of boosting themselves up and having a audience and drama. i have a narcissistic exgirlfriend who literally took control over an entire apartment complex so she can tell them about her stupid past traveling hobo stories and future plans to do it again. during the night she has sex with guys she abuses and then kicks them out. if you are in a relationship with a narcissist its nothing to be proud of. they target weak men they can abuse.

ive had my ex call the cops on me over not letting her beat me up ive seen her call the cops on other guys and she even managed to get the cops to come when her phone was stolen by screaming. ive also had her try to sick her ***** whipped dad on me. the only way you can have a relationship with a narcissist is by being everything they want you to be so if shes a traveling hobo you have to be a traveling hobo. you have to go along with everything they say and do no matter how stupid and delusional. and even then theyll still get bored of you and abuse the hell out of you and need to find attention from other people.

but again they do not love. if they did they wouldnt be narcissists. its why they can worship people places and things equally. they also tend to have sex with people twice their age etc. they target everyone. they arent picky

I get what your saying, Chris is just don't know why she hates me so much when all I've done is love her. I had no choice but to throw her out and end it, I couldn't live that way anymore. If she'd of listened to me and cared how I felt and got them losers out of our home we'd still be together I wish she see that rather that haing me, loving me then hating me again. Now she's acting like she REALLY hates me it's breaking my heart.

Seems strange how the NPD is like exactly the same witch we all knew/know.
Mine seemed to sense across the airwaves when I had finally stopped moping around about her and would suddenly reappear, to reel me back again.
Just like I could feel over the airwaves when she was cheating on me, my heart was so pure for her it could see her infidelity through mountains. I started a diary of everytime I got these sick sensations that she was somewhere cheating on me and then some months later I went and hacked all over electronic media (phone, FB, email) and sure enough my diary correlated with her cheating, being with other men.
Too intense.
Also, each time she kicks you back to the street, after you having found everything in your heart to forgive her for the past again, it hurts 3 times more than the last time.

I'm no angel Im not perfect nobody is. All I keep getting is calls and texts of my ex telling me how this is all my fault. Did I do the wrong thing throwing her out? She seems to believe I've treated her like **** and I'm nasty and horrible. All I've ever done is love her and I'm constantly feeling down and upset about losing someone in love. Yes, I ended the relationship and threw her, her sister and sisters boyfriend out of my house but I was just trying to get back some respect but all I get is patronising, self righteous bull **** off her how it's all my fault and I've treated her like **** and she could never be with me again. She's just focusing on me giving her consequences for her actions and making me out to be the bad guy, all the while acting like she's so happy and talking down to me like I'm a naughty 5 year old. Is the happiness and act or is it real. I'm far from happy at the moment. After all the **** she's put me through, how is it fair that she sails into the sunset all happy and superior while I cry and be down and depressed at Christmas? I hope she gets some sort of karma.

hi Lee,

I have read a great majority of your thread but I want to admit something to you that I actually read ALL the replies to your posts and almost none of your own actual posts.
This is not because there is anything wrong with your posts but that is a research skill I learnt to cut time.
I even never watch videos on youtube but just have them playing in the background while I am reading all the comments, very quickly I can determine what is real or not right? Kind of like triangulation.

All of the responders to your posts seemed very sympathetic because they also know how addictively capturing Narcs are once they have trapped the man. He pains himself to leave them. This woman by the sounds of it is just like mine, as in the only thing apparently she ever did for me was **** me and give me a sense of being loved and ****ed for one moment in a day.
I know you said that she cleaned your clothes and folded them and so on...
But if you write up a list of what you have done for her against what she has done for you, literal labour/money things, how does the list look?

I give you one example ok. If I was in love with a girl and hoping to build a 50 year relationship with her, to death do us part, would I in the first year allow my junkie loser brother and his junkie loser girlfriend to land on the door of my new love house and then go over to the woman I love and just assume its all ok that they are going to come and be living with us?
If I had found the love of my life who filled my heart with joy and I didn't want to lose her, would I do that? Or would I tell my junkie ******* loser brother to get the **** out of here before he strains and potentially destroys my relationship with the new found love of my life?
So there is your answer. And I have read ALL of the replies to you and everyone here is telling you SHE DOES NOT LOVE YOU.
Lee, you deserve a woman WHO LOVES YOU.
In my case the list was like me doing 100 to 1 for her.
All the words. all the thoughts, I realised none of them matter when I can just look at WHAT she did for me in terms of labour and sacrifice of time compared to what I did for her. Now, sacrifice of time isn't her opening her legs for you. She might think that this pays for all? Thats the way I felt in the end with mine.
So how is that list of sacrifices look for you in this relationship?

She did do allot of things that showed she loved me. But maybe it's not love in the real convesional sense. She calls me and texts me saying she loves me but can't be in a relationship with me.

I've had a really **** Christmas. I mean really bad. I was so drunk and depressed, crying thinking of her. Thinking how last year she was cuddling me having a good time hugging and kissing. This year I feel so depressed. I know I did the right thing ending it but I'm so down without her.

Last. Night I was out with friends. I had to stop myself drinking too much because I knew I'd end up more sad. My battery died while I was out and I woke up this morning to 10 missed calls off her and one text at 2am saying I need your help come quick and a text at 8am saying she wanted me to go to her place.

I didn't get them as my battery died and I was sleeping. When I turned my phone on I called her to see what's up. She said her friends boyfriend and her had an argument and the guy grabbed hold of her by her hair and threw her on the floor(I know she's got a big mouth but I still care about her and if I got the message I'd have gone down there and killed him)

She wanted me to help her and look after her?i do still love her and care and I would protect her but if she doesn't wanna be with me why does she expect me to protect her?

" I was so drunk and depressed, crying thinking of her. "

Mine left me then told me she was devestated that she left me and she loves me but can't be with me because I am an alcoholic and need to go to the clinic.
So I just stopped for 10 days right then, to show her that its not about a clinic but about her abusing me. My nature is that if I am feeling really beaten up I will go drown it with drink. Just some men are like that. If I am happy and committed in a project with other community and nobody is drinking then I dont even think about it.
But whatever, she wants to label me.
But you had to see the video message she sent me crying and sobbing like it was such a tragedy but she had to leave me because I am a drunk....just whatever she wants to frame the reality to be and call it.

Man, I know what you are going through at least in terms of missing them and the depression and its rock bottom feeling would swap it maybe for a broken leg.
But remember one thing that it is love addiction. It is the neural pathways begging you and charging you for her *****, for the smell of her ***** in your mouth, it is like crack addict. The more you DONT THINK ABOUT HER, consciously dont think about her, as hard as that feels,. then you will fall out of the neural pathways that are cycling you in that loop. It gets better exponentially if you dont feed it.

You are NOT your brain. Your brain is ******* you. Think about how police interrogators get criminals to admit to a crime in inteorrogation by swapping them a cigerette for a confession. The sell 5 years of their life for a cigerette. Why? Cause Brain ****s you.
It is tried and proven. The moment you think about her you need literally force yourself to start thinking about something else. Look out the window at a tree and say, "Can I find a bird in the tree? Are there any birds in the tree? Oh! There is one! Now can I found another one?" - Like that. Just EVERY TIME she pops in your head.

Thanks for the recommendation on that doco film, Dear Zachary.
Was a shakespearean tragedy.

I can't understand that. You have a guy with 5 bullets in him, a clear rage murder, and the justice system fluffs and farts around for years ******* over about extradition and anyh other crap other than lets get this woman on trial for the murder of Andrew and test the evidence, give her a fair trial, get it over with.

Nothing I do works. It's always in my mind. How much I miss her and the great times we had (I know a lot of bad too. Well a hell of a lot of bad)
Now she's started phoning me telling me she still loves me but wants to be friends. I can't be just friends. She also alls me in the middle of the night when she's in danger expecting me to risk my life for her.(I would die forher) she's got a dad, she has friends with boyfriends but she still wants me to. Protect her from all the scum bags out there. Why does she want me I don't get it.

How can she think it's ok to call me at2am expecting me to protect her(I'm stupid but I would do anything)how can she expect to tell me she loves me and wants to be friends. What the **** is she doing to me?