Hey guys. Allow me to vent. Honestly, my ex could not understand why I didnt trust her, or why my friends and family did not like her. She always justified the things she did and said "no one understands the way I think". I explained" But......its not about you, its about how you treated our relationship, its wrong, everyone can see it" In reality I was the one who refused to see what everyone was telling me, I wanted to trust my partner. Thats not wrong. A bit of advice for everyone here too, ALWAYS read in between the lines. You'll be glad you did. But do they see the wrong they done? Can they understand it from other people's view?

They understand one thing their agenda. Since there is no one else that matters, why should they care what anyone thinks???? They are hollow people a shell nothing more nothing less.........end of line

They understand and know very well what their doing.

From the last 3 women I've involved myself with looking back they knew that they was crazy.

Toxic woman number one: before dumping me she plan on having her girlfriend boyfriend humiliate me base off the personal things I told her about myself.

I remember she asking questions base on the events: like have you been humiliate before? do you know what NPD is? do you take things for face value? Do you know what a psychopath is? etc... (she was setting me up and was getting a kick outta the fact that I didn't know).

Toxic woman number two: After 6 months of talking and hanging out with her and ask about a relationship and she showed me that she was wearing a mask.
Her Words: I'M CONTROLLING, I'M EXTREMELY POSSESSIVE AND JEALOUSY, I LIKE TO ISOLATE MY PARTNER, IN ONE POINT IN THE RELATIONSHIP I WILL BEGIN TO DOMINATE THE RELATIONSHIP, IF i DON'T GET WHAT I WANT I WILL HURT HURT HURT MY PARTNER AND THEN GET RID OF THEM BECAUSE ITS NOTHING THAT THEY CAN DO FOR ME! I know its not a go thing but that just how I am, and I don't want to take you threw that. (you can only image the look on my face at that time)


Toxic woman number three: like the first asked me some questions before dumping me. questions like: the you no what mirroring? have you ever been copied before? do you know what a sociopath is? you ever been used or played before?



I feel a little embarrassed sharing that but I wanted to prove my point that they know. Think about it if someone that doesn't feel guilt, remorse, and the other feelings they are not going to care if that them.


"Crazy People Know That They Are Crazy, They Just Don't Want You to Know That Their Crazy"
Gabe

Going to add one thing then I'm not posting for awhile. These dysfunctional women are emotional vampires never forget that. Not only that they are emotionally bankrupt. After a time love bombing you they show their true self beware they will make your life a living hell and love every moment of it. They will lie, cheat, steal rape you mentally/emotionally. Good men, caring men attract them like a magnet BEWARE they are the devils child. And I am not asking for any kind of biblical explanation thanks but no thanks. ............... end of line

I'll Co-Sign to that

Chris,

Here's the test. Ask yourself, Why did she do and say these vile things in private where there were no witnesses? Answer: Because she knew ****ed well that they were abusive and wrong. These toxic women know how to morph into Snow White during the "love bombing" phase. So by logical extension they are fully aware of what is sweet, loving and kind as they can emulate it. So they also know fully what is evil and abusive. They know! And yes I agree with my brother Mark, they are indeed evil. They are rotten in their core. In the end the fruit they bare will be self-serving only. Nobody else matters, not you, not anyone. You are an object to be milked for NS. Once that stops, you are discarded and are of no use. Stay away.

Final thought: We as emotionally normal people try hard to ascribe normal human emotions to the NPD woman. Big mistake. They cannot and do not think or feel like us. They are black holes that suck all things into themselves. They are emotional vampires looking for your life blood to sustain their own empty void lives. Get away and stay away!

I think for the most part they are well aware of how they are. God knows they probably heard it from enough people when they were growing up. Like spoiled brat, selfish, bossy, bully etc. And I guess as young children we were all like that. Then we began to notice there were other people in the world besides us. If there were siblings, and our parents were involved, we were made to respect them as well.

But for them, they did not get to this stage, or else they just didn't care. It worked for them. They got what they wanted from permissive parents and schools, from younger siblings or other relatives. Often they were teased or abused by older siblings or even parents that deflated their self esteem. This abuse would trickle down to younger siblings or neighborhood friends who were not as aggressive. They might seek friendship with other cruel people to give themselves validation. In short, they were not really likeable people. Out of survival, they had to concoct a personna, an amalgam of the mannerisms, personality traits, of other likable people or relatives. That is why they mirror you, if they show any interest in you when you first meet them.

They really are the mythological vampires. Like the vampire they cannot see themselves as they really are (their mirrored reflection)or at least they don't really want to as they don't even like that person. They cannot exist in the daylight as the daylight exposes everything they are. Of course, they hypnotize you, then slowly drain you of your life. But you know, like a Klingon cloaking device (geek, I know) the mask requires a great amount of energy to maintain. They simply cannot keep it up forever. You can also be assured that when they do de-cloak, an attack is coming.

They very well know, that is why have to have so many outside supporters. They try to turn people againg you they tell neighbors and even complete strangers the most untrue and twisted version of the truth.

I have been married to this woman for 30 years and i will tell you i believe there is true evil in the world i see it. When she rages my hands start to tremble from a 115 pound woman!

Does anyone else really see it?

Sam,

Great to have you here, we're all in the same boat.

We've been brainwashed into believing we cannot defeat these people.
They throw up incredible tantrums for peanuts, and thus conditioned us to not upset them in any way.

It's all a plot to get things their way at any time.

Public appearance (and shaming) is one of their weapons to keep us into submission.

We've been blinded by their show, which was all part of the same strategy : to get themselves a servant.

These people do not deserve us, they are the garbage of society, and should be discarded as such.

Withdraw from them as much as you can, rebuild your pride, and start creating the life you deserve, it is possible.

Jack,


Thank you for your insight, you are pretty much right on target. It is a show to keep you complacent and in line. I believe when this rage comes over she will do anything to keep me absolutey quiet, arguing back escaletes the response no threat of police will slow her down only uses that to say "i will have you aressted for abusing me".

There is no reasoning or communication there is only her and her violence and her point of view of "what you did" even though you did nothing wrong, or certainly not to derserve this results.

What makes things worse is that she earns all the income in the house giving her financial control of everything down to having gas in my car to groceries. Everytime i have started a new job she starts to go crazy how she is alone all time (has no friends) and how she has to wait for me to get home. And this continues until i give up and stop working. This has taken all the confidence of making enough money to survive alone and thrown it out the door.

They are a one way street. I'd like to say that they are impossible. I say this because for me, there was absolutely no angle to get them to understand or show empathy toward my wants/needs. They will justify their own wants/needs/desires, and in the end they expect you to get down and obey by using manipulative tactics. They will talk you out from seeing your family when you want, spending time with your nephew, take your sister out for lunch, deliver medicine to your own mother. Mind you, those sort of requests occur seldomly once in a two week period maybe. They absolutely cannot deal with spontaneity as things like I stated need to be planned ahead of time. She will say "What about your quality time with me? Shouldn't that be the most important thing? I feel like you're prioritizing them and not me? What is your thought process in thinking that that would be okay with me?"

The world revolves around them. You become so enveloped with "Love." I ignored ALL of the red flags waving in front of my face (ie: extreme jealousy, extreme possessiveness (non-material), selfishness, critical/judgmental toward others, unrealistic expectations). See, I was so enveloped with "Love" and my best friends and my family even pointed this out. I just refused to believe them because it seemed as if everything else in our relationship was going well.

Chris, I can empathize with you. Do they see the wrong they've done? You may get them to think about it, but they won't give a $h*t. They think they know better than you. They may even apologize at some point if you keep ramming it down their throat, but for me, it never seemed sincere. They're cold.

Alf

Abso****inlutely agree with Alf

Alf,

You forget they do not want to understand or show empathy. They need a servant, whom they can control totally. Empathy and understanding is squarely in the way of their goal here.



Again, total control is what they need, shutting you off from the world is a part of their strategy.



If you want to control something, you don't want unexpected events to happen; everything has to be planned, allowing you to be able to prepare to keep the control in your hands. Hence spontaneity is an enemy.



Another weapon : feelings. "I Feel" is the easiest way to express that the other person has done something wrong to you, and create guilt. They use it for their manipulative purposes, all in the big scheme of keeping you in line.



For me "love" has become a red flag in itself. A man in love will allow the worst things to be done to him, it's like he's in a coma. No more butterflies for me, I'll keep my feet on the ground from here on, thank you.

Now that you start to know your enemy's tricks, start to focus on your self, and your road to recovery. Work out, get a hobby, anything to get time off and work on you own wellbeing.

In any interaction with her, think before you talk. Evaluate what has been said, and how it fits in her scheme. Then decide whether you want to ignore it or need to rebuff it to stand your ground.

Yes, horrible discussions will occur, but that is the price for freedom here.

If possible, stall important discussions until a third party (counselor eg) is around, so you have a witness for possible police investigations. Remember, they lie about anything to a third party, I've seen it.

You're up against a devious enemy, it will take stealth and mastership to get out of it.

Ah, the monkey comes out of the sleeve. Welcome to the world where a woman's lie can get a man into jail.
The reason she rages is because of your refusal to comply. She just threatens you into submission with whatever she has at hand : vile arguments, lies, and the (tricked) arm of the law. Any expression of logic is seen as a new act of non-compliance, resulting in more retaliation.
You need to take this underground : be complacent at the surface, but prepare the escape under the radar.
Make it a point that you do need a job, for example to provide her with a better living standard. Once you got that, keep it, and put money aside for your self. Then you can start going to a gym occasionally, during lunchbreak or something. Start from there.



It's all about control, she's making things up and exaggerating to keep you on the wrong end of the stick. Guilt, my friend, is another one of their favourite weapons, and they create it in you in any way possible. This to keep you questioning yourself and not seeing clear what's going on. It's called FOG (fear - obligation - guilt), and they make sure you stay in there, since a confused target is easier to control than one that knows exactly what's going on.



Same thing here, she's controlling you on all levels. Often women are like that : they want to control their lives totally, to avoid unexpected events. Everyone wants to feel in control of their lives, but those women take it to an extreme level. For her, you are just a piece of her life, and therefore need to be controlled.

What they do not realize is that no person wants to be a prisoner (totally controlled), and this is not a relationship anymore, it is slavery.

Like I said before, get a job, and keep it. Make it a point that it is vital for you and her that you have a job. It will help you get some distance from your dungeon (home), so you can start seeing things in another perspective. Also, you'll get more interaction with the outside world again.
She'll hate losing some of her control, but you have to start somewhere.

All of these observations are great!

As a kid growing up, I often felt like a total prisoner in my family home. They monitored everything and knew everything that was going on. If one thing was different about my appearance I would be accused of using drugs or whatever. I saw other kids going out on the weekends, or going away on trips, and I knew I would never be permitted. My parents had me beaten down to nothing.

Their favorite was trying to make me feel guilty. I felt guilty all of the time. They would put me down for having my own wants and dreams. They acted like I would need to take care of them when they got old. I put my whole self aside.
They told me that they were controlling because they loved me and cared. Nobody else's parents "cared" about them the way mine "cared" about me.
So, I can see how vulnerable I was to my wife's controlling behavior when it started.

I am amazed at how similar all of these people are.

You are welcome.

And, my friend, now is the time to tell them they did an ass of a job.