If you read my first post titled female narcissistic abuse you will know my story. I've read many stories on here and can relate to everyone in some way or another.

Sometimes I feel is the narcissistic ***** coming into my life and wrecking my mind penance or payback for some of my wrong doings in the past?

In my past I wasn't the best behaved person. Hung around with a bad crowd, that I distanced myself from after meaning the narcissistic girl in my life because I wanted to better my life. At first she made me want to be a better man, who cared about people and wanted the best for myself and people I cared about. SHE gave me a whole new perspective on life. I stopped doing bad things and hanging with a bad crowd (who give me a hell of a beating for distancing myself and putting a girl first) because she made me want to a better man, maybe that's the only good to come from all this.

That aside, in my past I've been with girls and not treated them as well as I could have. I never acted narcissistic but was quite selfish and never put them first put myself and my friends first. (That stopped when I met the narcissist I put her first I thought she was the one) I was with a girl from age 19 to 25 and she worshipped the ground I walked on. She loved me and was always there, never hurt me in anyway. I was young and dumb and wanted to hang out with my friends more every night and I finished with her. When I. Found out it was too late I'd made a huge mistake one that I regret to this day. I hurt her so bad she couldn't come back and go through it again. One of my life's biggest mistakes. Some of you have probably been there.

There was a re bound girl after that which I didn't really care for but she was totally besotted with me. I just used her for sex and a place to stay when I'd been out with the boys so I. Didn't have to drive far drunk. Very very wrong I know. When I met the narcissist (or who I thought was the girl of my dreams who made me want to be a better man) I dropped her like a bad habit. I haven't treated girls very well. In the past, the one time im find one I really love and care about and treat well she turns out to be a narcissist who ruined me emotionally.

Sometimes I wonder if this is penance or pay back for the hurt I've caused people. Although I have to say I doubt I've caused anyone as much pain as she caused me. But none the less, I do get deep in thought about if this really is payback.

If it is I've Been punished enough I hope I don't have to go through it again.

Lee,

I have often thought about this. I am glad you brought it up because I never thought to. I also was a bit wild when younger and saw what I did to people and I didn't want to go on like that. I gave an effort to be an adult for the ex witch I was married to. I do believe in karma, but karma is only cause and effect. So maybe we did put ourselves through some trials and errors because of the way we acted. Maybe a pendulum sort of thing.

Now the difference between us and the narc woman is that they NEVER reflect on what they've done to someone else. They simply don't care. And they will NEVER grow out of it like you did.

Don't be too hard on yourself. I have often thought the same exact thing. Just behave in a healthy way that will attract healthy people.

yeah its funny how theyll **** you one day then the next day theyll **** someone else. i had a girl fight over me that i was talking to before i met my narc. since the narc refused to say she loved me even though she was worshiping me i gave the other girl a chance since she was jealous and wanted to win me. watch out for women who try to win you a lot of times they do it for weird female competition reasons like 2 guys fighting over a girl. when my narc found out i slept with the other girl she didnt care at all. i was embarrassed and couldnt have sex with the narc that day. but it was very strange how she just acted like it didnt matter. then when she bailed on me she had no problem having sex with a meth head the day after kicking me out. she however did kick another girl in the face who got in her way from a past guy she was using.

like i said before the best thing you can do is maybe go jogging in public areas where you may see girls and work up the nerve to at least say hi to them. there are some girls out there who want to get hit on and if you ever have success doing this you wont be afraid anymore. you also have to be able to get out of the house on your own without needing a girl to motivate you to get in such social situations. its very hard to let go, you have to remember even if you still had her right now shed get rid of you very soon and cheat on you again. she may come back into your life again. until then try to find other women.

remember while youre crying and whining shes having sex with other men lol

Great topic! When I was younger and a bit of a badass I broke a couple of women's hearts. Women who were good and decent and their only mistake was falling for me.
I dumped them. Maybe that's just what young men do? I don't know. But I can't help but wonder if it isn't some type of payback to me.

I was also a bit of an animal when it came to behavior. When we were dating, my wife called me out a bit on how I acted and she also made me want to be a better person.
I think she really helped me become a better person early on. But later, she really broke my heart.