A lot of you will probably be able to relate to this.

What do you do when your remembering when things were good? The good time? You hear a song that the 2 of you sang together and you feel like texting them and saying 'remember that song'? When your thinking about good times and how you've ended up here and you know they will cause you more misery in the future but you have moments of weakness where you feel like sending them a message and trying to remind them of a good time or something sentimental to you and what you thought was sentimental to you both. Do you just send the message anyway not knowing what reaction you will get? It's very hard to stay strong, well, it is for me when I'm feeling this way.

Thank you

its extremely common for narcs to do the exact same things they did with you with everyone else they sleep with. they also tend to copy their victims like a parrot. everything their victims say they will eventually repeat and use on someone else. ive seen my narc have entire conversations with new targets copying everything i said to her the day before. its also sad when you see past victims talk about her and youre like oh my god she did all of that with me too.

I feel the exact same way quite often. But i know i cant bring myself to do it. As hard as its been, ive had to force myself not to do it. I used to, until i finally realized nothing will change. Ill keep putting myself in the situation of feeling uneasy with not trusting her, its a worse feeling knowing the girl you fell in love with has exes hanging around and not being able to trust her. Id rather feel sad than feel torment that way.

Hi lee...its so amazing. .I cannot offer no advice here..I'm in exactly the same position as you..im trying to figure out if to send a message as it may trigger something in her positively to want to come back...or it may send me right back to the lowest point...this forum really helps. Why do women do these things..thing is I didn't want to read the replies to your topic because my gf left me for a Chris....anyway try to stay strong..im trying...I have ok times then my mind just goes on and on thinking about her...what she's doing..if she will come bk and change..I felt as tho she was the one..im 41..getting older and still have to be going thru this.

I think that you guys have to make a decision and commit to it 100%.
When you make that decision you can't look back. You can't wonder "what if?"
You just have to do it.

I think that we all see the long term results of staying with these women.

Its really easy to say when you've gotten pass the situation. .the advice is much appreciated but when you're at the point when you don't know what the right decision is...its really hard. How easy is it to say no if she wants to come back although you know the high possibility of it happening again...being lonely..being dumped at Christmas is devastating especially when you've done nothing..when your gf says ur pefect and in few weeks she finds another guy physically attractive and runs off with him and im a neat guy..no big belly nothing. I cant live 1 happy day

Actually, I'm not past the situation. I'm still with my wife of 21 years. After throwing a grenade in the marriage and cheating on her (which is a very long complicated story) and cohabitating a couple of years afterward while we were in limbo, I decided to commit 100% to saving the marriage. It has been a grueling ordeal. At times I want to throw in the towel and say enough is enough. But, I have recommitted myself to the marriage. I have verbally told my wife this and backed it up with my actions.

Now, what really really really concerns me, is this:

I spent a couple of hours with her tonight, just me and her. I brought up a couple of things that she said and she absolutely denies ever saying them. She has done this in the past. This really concerns me and it breaks my heart.
Could she be really so disordered that she can't remember several things that she said? Really?
I love her, and I have committed to her. But for her to have no knowledge of remarks that she has made is really a matter of great concern to me.
It concerns me so much that I was going to make it it's own thread.

So, you have to commit 100% in or out. There is no in between. I have to recommend exiting the relationship, because even though I love my wife, I really get nothing out of this coupling. I don't know why I'm still here except for the fact that I am a stubborn fool.

Guys, it's not about moving forward - its about getting past the idolisation phase that you Gf was real and not the idea that the whole relationship was one big con. Knowledge, is tough but necessary. Even after 5 years I still have the occasional urge to do what you discribe especially where music is concerned - the "our tune" moments. I often wonder do occasionally hearing the tune on the tv have the same effect on her as it does on me?

The answer is no.

We, are/were no more than useful to her and she's moved on. Unless you're still useful in some way, where, her hooks are still in you. In which case she'll see to it you'll feel the tug of those strings.

Just keep saying - it was all just a nice memory, but it was just a play - a real nice performance, acted by a real good actress. You never knew the actress - just the part she played.

Does an actress remember her plays.... Yes, but is there any emotional connection to her leading man now?

No.

It's tough but sadly true.

every time i see them say the word "love" in the posts above i skip to the next message. there is no love with a narcissist. saying you love them still is laughable. there was no love you idiots lol. i know i listened to narcissism videos for 2+ years and studied my horrible ex the whole time as well but come on people. a narcissist lacks empathy and the ability to love. i dont care how your emotions feel about that. Quit ignoring the fact that narcs dont think like you.

There is no real love with a narcissist. You may love them, but they cant love back the way normal people do. They appreciate you when you make them feel good about themselves, do whatever they ask you to do, and listen to whatever they say without question, thats the closest to "love" you'll get from them. If you dont do those things, you are no longer "loved". Plain and simple. Its not about you, you cant ask for the same treatment you are supposed to give to them. When you object, question, or anything. You are the enemy, then they find another sucker that will be their next unquestioning slave, then repeat the cycle.