SUPPORT FOR HETEROSEXUAL MEN WHO HAVE BEEN ABUSED AT THE HANDS OF WOMEN ! ( EMOTIONALLY, PHYSCIALLY, FINANCIALLY, OR OTHERWISE ) AND THE DISCUSSION OF PERSONALITY DISORDERS AS IT HAS BECOME INCREASINGLY DIFFICULT FOR US TO GET HELP
So heres the back story. During my last fling with my ex i showed her videos on narcissism, she watched them and became bothered by what was discussed in the videos. It took her a few days until she gave me her honest thoughts, she agreed to having the disorder, and said she could relate to alot of the things explained, she claimed she wanted to change, which was hopeful for me. She then proceeded to once again string her former ex, then projected on to me that she didnt understand why i couldn't trust her. She gave me advice to change myself and call her when i "fixed" myself. The very next day, i see her out with the ex, smiles and all. I called her of course and told her this wasnt such a big surprise. She blamed me of course, claiming i was wrong. Then hung up. We haven't spoken since. Today i come across a poem she had written a few days after that. Is this admitting her guilt? A go to hell for me? Admitting she knows shes disordered? Blaming me? I need some input please. This will not be a excuse for me to contact her, i assure you all. My mind is at ease now, now all im left with is these haunting memories, id rather have those than a life continued in misery. Actually id be happy to know that maybe before i left i struck a chord in her, and showed her the true way of her thinking and how she truely is. Thats honestly the best i could do for her. But on to the poem. Its titled "Lost".
One track is the norm
I gaze at the paths unfamiliar
mine rusted from the storm
with no degree of understanding
when my mind has strayed
or if it was all a dream
sure wish I would have stayed
naivety is bliss
I have arrived to learn...
so dance on your rails of freedom
while my knowledge burns
I've now come too far to cross over
From this land foreign to you
so let my blessing be my curse
I'll just enjoy the view
Help me decipher this guys. Your input is truely appreciated.
She is saying that she is who she is, and she is not going to change.
I see that too. But its confusing, i think she may be admitting that she knows she has does wrong, but was/is powerless to change it. She doesnt know how. i also see it as admitting she was too late to change her ways at the end, because she was too naive to see her own faults. But now that shes gained knowledge on her disorder and the lessons learned after the fall, its too far gone to fix anything. And shes letting me go free finally, because i threw in the towel, i could not take anymore mind games or pain. Now im much happier shes gone. So many ways to interpret this, any more input beaten?
http://cdn.poetry.com/poems/1085512-Lost
Looks as though she "borrowed" that from Danielle Palanti'.
Actually rob. Danielle is my ex. Thats how i found the poem.
One track is the norm (Everyone else's life path)
I gaze at the paths unfamiliar (She is not interested in everyone else's path, she looks for her own. Probably because she can't adjust herself to others.)
mine rusted from the storm (she is damaged from her childhood trauma, the rust runs deep in her psyche.)
with no degree of understanding (No empathy, and she is aware of it.)
when my mind has strayed (when she is drawn off course, most likely because she can't interact with others consistently.)
or if it was all a dream (She doesn't know what reality is.)
sure wish I would have stayed (She wants to stay in her fantasy world)
naivety is bliss (reality is work, making an effort sucks. She wants to be coddled, but she can't allow herself to be.)
I have arrived to learn...(She wants to learn from you.)
so dance on your rails of freedom (Others are free from her internal torment)
while my knowledge burns (She is tormented by her memories)
I've now come too far to cross over (She is too broken to be fixed or doesn't want to be fixed)
From this land foreign to you (We cannot understand her)
so let my blessing be my curse (Her pleasure is her pain. Her passion undermines her life from any real connections)
I'll just enjoy the view (All she can do is observe, she is powerless to change. All she can do is watch the carnage)
Beautiful poem, btw. I was an English Major.
I gaze at the paths unfamiliar (She is not interested in everyone else's path, she looks for her own. Probably because she can't adjust herself to others.)
mine rusted from the storm (she is damaged from her childhood trauma, the rust runs deep in her psyche.)
with no degree of understanding (No empathy, and she is aware of it.)
when my mind has strayed (when she is drawn off course, most likely because she can't interact with others consistently.)
or if it was all a dream (She doesn't know what reality is.)
sure wish I would have stayed (She wants to stay in her fantasy world)
naivety is bliss (reality is work, making an effort sucks. She wants to be coddled, but she can't allow herself to be.)
I have arrived to learn...(She wants to learn from you.)
so dance on your rails of freedom (Others are free from her internal torment)
while my knowledge burns (She is tormented by her memories)
I've now come too far to cross over (She is too broken to be fixed or doesn't want to be fixed)
From this land foreign to you (We cannot understand her)
so let my blessing be my curse (Her pleasure is her pain. Her passion undermines her life from any real connections)
I'll just enjoy the view (All she can do is observe, she is powerless to change. All she can do is watch the carnage)
Beautiful poem, btw. I was an English Major.
That was a great interpretation my friend. This poem haunts me now. She now completely disappeared from my life after this poem was written. I came a long way but i am also guilty of being weak enough to keep getting pulled in when i promised myself I would not. Alot of it was me though, longing for her and the way she used to be. I had initiated contact and got reinvolved many times. But i started to realize it wasnt going to change, i hoped and prayed she could see my pain and the damage she caused me. But she couldn't because she could not understand my way of thinking. She didnt have empathy for me, only herself. And that is also what the poem tells me. I think she realized she took me for granted now that im gone. I think it hurts her to know she did this, but this is the only way she knows, she couldn't help it. She found it easier to go along with someone else who has no knowledge on the disorder than to be with someone who knows her true inner workings. Which is why i think she ran off this time, i scared her with the knowledge i learned. She had to get away, she would rather run from it than find a solution. Its sad, but oh well. At least i taught her something. But its not like its going to be any use to her, she will continue this way, its easier for her. But at least she knows what she is now.
dont give yourself too much credit. my narc ex dropped me many warnings when i got with her years ago telling me she'd get bored of me and she couldnt just be with one guy in her life etc. they know what they do.
True chris,
After spending 17 years in the company of a dysfunctional toxic women and then looked back after we separated at the many "red flags". I wondered how I could be so blind. Of course I understand now, how I was in a stage of denial. I remember telling a family member how I no longer trust any decisions I made from this point on...
When ever we get "sucked" into another person's fantasy, all we can really do is hang on for our life[/url..
James. I said the exact same thing to a close friend of mine, that i didnt trust my own decisions. Its rather funny now, but if i were to see as many red flags in the beginning with someone else who was entering a relationship like mine. I would undoubtedly tell them to run. Its too bad we couldn't heed our own advice. Funny how that works isnt it? Its easier for others to spot the bad, while we are too busy being love bombed.
If your old friends are dropping like leaves the problem is not you directly. It is a sign that a crazy one has gotten into your head. Watch for her to cause friction with and between your friends. It is not a time for you to be chivalrous.
I didnt lose any friends because of her. Thank god for that. But none of my friends really liked her, just thought since i was happy it was whatever. But none of them genuinely cared for her much. They didnt tell me this till after we split. She never liked to go out with my friends and i, even though she was always welcome in the beginning. And when she would come out, she would pull me aside and complain she wanted to leave.
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