For those who dated narcs. Have you ever studied their parents or the relationship they had with them? My ex hated her mom, because she abandoned them after the divorce, but still loved and talked with her often. She wanted her mothers love as a child but didnt recieve it. Her father raised her, but more like a man he was one of those "you figure it out on your own" kinda guys and showed no emotion but anger. She was forever angry with him because after the divorce he dated several women and she constantly felt pushed aside by them, and he would cheat on these women, and dump them without a care in the world. She claims he didnt teach her emotions. She spent alot of time alone as a kid. Does this explain her behavior in relationships as well? Sounds like she is repeating her parents behaviors. Have you guys experienced this?

funnily enough my narc ex just added her mom on facebook 10 minutes ago. she uses her mom if she wants to run away because she lives on the other side of the state. she went to go live with her once or twice and got in a fight. her dad lives close by but now she is used to getting her own apartment. she has a good relationship with her family. right now shes ******* me off shes friends with everyone from her past except me lol but everyone from her past hasnt seen her in over a year now while i was with her last month. maybe thats why?

I think you figured it out bud. I was never comfortable with letting my ex be friends with some friends, because 100% of those "friends" were ex boyfriends and ex bed buddies. How would any guy be comfortable with that? If i did the same with some women i once knew, i woud get the whole 9 yard speech. I find out, my ex is now friends with ex flings online now, because her new boyfriend doesnt care, i think he just doesnt know, or hes a pushover and lets her get her way with whatever she wants. If you give them enough slack, they take the whole rope. But you cant do the same. Remember, a relationship with a narc is never equal. Its all about them, you.....well you just come along for the ride, cant handle it? Then step out. My ex basically told me that exact same thing.

All three was born out of wedlock, so that something im looking for, if there mom and dad still together, and how her mother treat her husband.

Its a video on YouTube that said with more and more broken families the increase of disordered people will likely happen

Genetics plays a greater role in these disorders than we are lead to believe. My ex's oldest brother had a few assault charges etc before he passed away. Her other brother had a few assault charges and some protective orders against him. Her nephew has had a couple of assault charges and PO's also. Nephew used to hit his first wife. Ex's 21 yo niece just got her first assault charge. Her father seems beaten down mentally and keeps to himself. I can imagine what he went through.

The ex herself filed a couple of PO's and filed an assault and battery against her brother in which she marked herself physically as "proof".

At the end of my journey through the "valley of death" I researched her entire family. Should have done that immediately after her first incoherent unjustified rage episode.

I believe the argument blaming environment for the creation of these monsters to be specious and secondary to genetics. Environment to a great degree seems to be the result of the genetic heritage.

The PD'd can be very aware of themselves but have no empathy or feelings to truly self reflect.

Some history of psychiatric facility incarceration with her siblings and I suspect herself. She always parroted the correct phrases at me such as "actions have consequences" and possessed full cognizance of empathy, feelings, projection, lying, and fidelity. She could discuss them in depth and held everyone else to the standard of normalcy. However, when she transgressed she was fully aware of having done so and excused it in herself as "I could not help myself". In the end when she transgressed I would look at her, tell her she knew full well what she was doing and I could only assume she did it intentionally to disrespect me (she was big on "RESPECT") and I would pack and leave.

This put her own supposed framework of social mores back on her and resulted in repentant hoovers and a period of faux therapy. I tired of this and finally left for good without another word and it has remained quiet on the front ever since.

I finally realized why both of her exhusbands would put her out of the car miles from nowhere and leave her to deal with herself.

I also believe genetics can result in their creation too. My exs brother had mental problems, and a drinking problem. Her mother was also diagnosed with mental disorders. I think her father had some type of disorder but im not sure. He had a anger problem for sure.

Base off what my ex told me her mother was a Narc and was addicted to alcohol, she also stated that her mother and father wasn't a good match because her father was a good nice man and her mother was off the chain! (one of many red flags that I missed)

Great post there Original Chris.

Yes we can learn a lot about their behavior from their families or what is mentioned about them. It's nice and all to give someone the benefit of the doubt regarding having struggled only to make a good life. However, if someone shows poor behavior and it comes to light they have a disordered family it's like getting confirmation regarding what might be wrong with this person. Again many out there with troubled families rise above and make good, but many don't. It's good to keep your ears open and try to learn what you can as you go along in a relationship. Never walk through a relationship blindly. Trust your gut. If a woman you are dating shows poor behavior... GET OUT! If you notice she has a disordered family it just confirms this fact.

James (board manager)

What an interesting observation Original Chris. I know the Narc my son is hooked up with fights constantly with her mom and her sisters. Real knock down drag outs with one of the sisters....yet she lives with the mom until the mom kicks her out for her violent behavior. then a few months later she is back with her mom....Mom has 4 kids, most with different men and the NARC has done the same thing.

Here's the rub, we (our son's parents) have a terrific marriage. We never fight, have been together over 32 years and are best loving friends. So the model he saw for relationships is nothing like the one he's with....is this true of other men who get with NARCs? Do most of them have parents with good relationships? or do they have parents with relationships like the NARC? If you mention to our son how bad the NARC's family relationships are, he has a million excuses why NONE OF IT IS HER FAULT, she is just a poor victim......Victim my ass....she's a violent, manalovent B who schemes to make everyone's life totally miserable all the while spinning tales of half truths and lies to make herself look good.