I know that I have been a less than perfect husband. I have my faults. But, is it normal to feel that you are to blame for the relationship problems when you are involved with a bpd?

i feel im to blame for not being better narc supply. there were a few things i did like get mad when she told a guy across the country that she loved him after saying she loved me. or flicking her off when she went to spend time with her apartment friends. at least she was still letting me stay at the apartment when she did it back then. there were a few things i couldnt control like one time my hands smelled cause i touched something that smelled bad and was playing with her hair. she got really mad and for days told me to wash my hands etc. she used to sleep a lot and id wake up and bug her and at one point she got paranoid i was going to kill her in her sleep. i think i shoulda just let her sleep back then instead of messing with her trying to be cute. shes bipolar and schizophrenic not just a narcissist so it can be pretty bad. there were times where she got high and that made her extra paranoid and hate me. so yeah i could have been a better boyfriend but even early on she was planning on cheating on me again so not much i could have done. even nowi still bug her i know i should just leave her alone while she fools around with other guys and maybe bug her a month from now instead of every other day

NLB,

This is classic transfurance, yes, everyone is flawed but the PDI has the talent of projecting HER faults and wrong thinking on to us as well, and an ability to magnify you're minor faults in to major issues as a smoke screen and to drag you to their level.

Don't you believe a bit of it. You are not responsible for her issues.

Yes, take responsibility for your actions, and be accountable. But DO NOT accept anything not your fault. Anyone who's been here any time knows how much effort you've put in, no "bad" person would do that.

All PDIs defer accountability to someone else - anyone. You and I are both aware of this. Just remember it.

Take it easy, and happy new year.