Today I was thinking back. It almost seems as my ex was reluctant in her behavior, it was almost as if.....she couldnt help herself ? Its hard to explain, but she knew she had a problem.

She was aware she had a problem relating to people.
She was aware of her mental state.
She was aware she had anger issues.
She was aware she had a abnormal thinking pattern.
She was aware that she wasnt a ideal person to date.
She was aware she was manipulative.

Worst of all....she was fully aware of what she was doing to us guys that were in her life at the time. She strung 3 of us along. Rotating in between relationships with us all.

What disturbs me though is that when she admitted to being aware of these things, she would zone out....almost in a dazed, saddened, deep state. Its like she knew what she was, and something was wrong with her. But she could do nothing about it. She would then become irritated after these "reveals", and want to be alone. And sometimes she would stop this behavior, for a little while. Then it would resurface. Sometimes I think the narcs want to be normal.....but they cant. They are alien to normal behavior. So they go back into their "coping technique" of life thats easier for them because they are afraid of changing. Its complicated to explain. But do you guys understand what I mean ?

no my narc is deluded as hell. how can you be rational with someone who goes out of their way to bullshiet themselves and everyone around them? in order to do that they are screwed to the core the only way to get along with them is to sell yourself out and be used and abused and never call them out on it even when they are banging another guy acting like they have the perfect relationship without you. i said id be gone from here but my god i glanced at my narc's father's facebook and she is even telling her father he has pretty blue eyes and thats the best picture of him. its a creepy picture he has had for years. she says the same about other types of pictures of like old ladies and elephants acting like she sees something magical in the pictures. then she hooks up with guys who are no good and deludes that too. i cant help but call her every name in the book and yeah i know it makes it worse but i know she has no morals so she will ignore all that i say if she wants to waste my time again.

they only acknowledge they are screwed up when the delusional grandiosity subsides and that have a moment of clarity when not dunk on stupid

Your narc is a little different than mine. But they both share incredibly strong characteristics. But there is time when they "snap out of it". This is horrifying to them though, because they cant fathom to think its all them doing wrong, thats why they go around it so much to keep the blame off. With my ex, she knew she was wrong, i remember her doing something nice for a older lady for the simple reason of "making peace with god for all the horrible things ive done in my life". Is that not bizarre? What did she think? Buying her way into heaven? Anyway, she was completely aware of all the past destruction she caused. It almost seemed she wanted to be "normal" but simply could not, it scared her to actually look at herself. She was a real life, tormented person, whos own soul was so deeply damaged it was barely holding on. It will continue, its a sad existence.

As for you bud, you gotta remember. They thrive on hurting you, may not admit this, but its true, it, gives them power. You are doing EXACTLY what she wants from you. To miss her, get mad, check up on her. You want to get her back for the pain? Vanish. Im serious, take some serious time out to heal yourself. Then you will realize you dont need her. While she squirms wondering where you are. Dont give her the power. Take it back from her. Shes nothing with out your power you give her.

Weird but funny comparison. Remember Freddy Krueger? He was defeated when nancy took back the power and fear she gave him, and he died and became nothing. She turned her back on him like he didnt exist. A almost unkillable foe defeated that simple. Then he searched frantically to get everyone to remember and fear him, so he could once again torment them. Thats where his power lies.

You have to mentally kill her off, go no contact and she will shrivel. I guarantee it. But do not go back in it! Free yourself!

You guys missed one very important thing they are mentally ill. I'm for sure not religious but they let the devil in and once in there is little hope of finding your way.......end of line

Be glad its not you!

Sometimes i honestly think my ex was affected by something bad. She had very bad vibes that came off her. My family sensed her, especially my mother, that she held a great deal of inner torment and incredibly negative vibes. She was definitely not normal. You would think, someone thats had a history of drugs, random sex, and left dozens of broken hearts behind cant truely live a normal life afterwards. It follows them. It haunts them. My ex seems as if she was tormented by the things she did.

But why when she clearly knows she did them? Thats my original question. Can anyone answer that?

Many of them are fully cognizant of the hell they have wrought. They have a history of evisceration and discarding. That in and of itself gives them power. They gut you like they have been gutted and the next guy is fresh meat. They respect the guy they could not control and they play the same with you. You never have respect because they do control you. They are in a death spiral and god help you if you step in.

CHUMP, its nice to hear from you again. Its been sometime. You and birdboy held me up quite alot when i went through my initial downward spirial with my ex. Thanks for your insight.

Yes it has been a while. Seems the sock puppet sank birdboy. Bad decision on someone's part. Birdboy is a solid man. James should unblock him. Seems the sock puppets abound when one guy is around. James knows who I refer to.

I had a final undermining from the ex......completely floored me. I thought we were done. Yes they can work strategically and effectively in revenge mode. They do know what they are doing. Much more than we are told they can. They have a level of situational awareness not creditted to them. That makes them very dangerous. She cost me materially but I forwarded some data on her to a gov't entity that never forgets. from what I hear she has a lot of 'splainin to do now. Remember.....they are not lacking in intelligence......just in morals and ethics. I think a major underestimation of their capability come from the idea that they are stupid. They just do not see things as we do and try to make us fit into their world....

CHUMP, I agree totally with the comment on birdboy and James needs to unblock him I've basically stopped posting here cause of his actions against a good contributor. Nark's abound..... end of line