Just a simple question,however it's always on my mind and has been for very long . How long does the typical npd relationship last? All 3 phases included.

I would say yes only because of 3 reasons
1. I believe I readed it online on a website during study
2. My ex narc did it to me
3. And someone like this will get married have kids and then leave after having kids and she knowing she can cash out

Until you exhibit qualities they despise, which are normal human qualities and reactions. Like wanting fairness, expressing feelings, arguing back, calling them out on thier bs. They hate that. They run from it, it reminds them how imperfect they are. They will test the waters with your reactions early on. They need someone who goes along with all their outbursts and demands. But they also hate that because then they view you as weak. Theres zero middle ground. So either way you lose.

So I say a few months tops. UNLESS, you can provide something they want, whether it be a house, children, money, a job prospect, whatever, then they will patiently wait and then discard you after they get what they want.

My ex told me she dated over 35 people.......over 35 people......yes really. In a matter of about 4 -5 years too. According to her they were all *******s, and she was victim. Yep. Something doesnt sound right does it? They go through relationships like a revolving door.

There is no general time limit.....there is only the cycle. The cycle occurs as long as the PD derives sustenance or the victim flees. The crap can go on for years.

Unfortunately #3 is far too common in today's world. It seems every other person has divorced parents in which case the father is used as an ATM machine for the mom whist paying child support or trying to manage the family on his own. It's heartbreaking how dishonest people are and how marriage is falling apart. We are idealized, pedastalized, then gradually phased out and devalued, then discarded as if we never existed, we are objectified. I'm 17 and still a virgin, I want to wait for the right person. My exN never apologized or felt any remorse, started seeing the new guy the next day and is still with him now 15 months later. He isn't caring,not sentimental,and he brags frequently of his relationship with her. She never listened to me when I called her out on how she treated me and simply dismissed me, making ME feel as if I did something wrong.I really hope not all girls/women out there are like this...

Funny kinda sound like what happen to me, but I don't know about the other guy, I honestly believe he was always the main guy, just not around. Oh well
my grandmother pass and my Ex Nac reach out to me, and got mad at me when I called out the fact that she played me. She was sad that I felt as if she played me -_-. smh

This and chumps post are spot on, there is only the cycle, chronologicle time is not the thing. Just the cycle, it can take years.

Your personality is also a factor, how maluable are you? How submissive? How much poop can you take. Is. Your self esteem higher than hers?

It also depends on her emotional needs and how "safe" she feels in whatever relationship she's in. This has several factors

What her childhood was like - emotionally

How the man in her life make her feel, - good or bad about herself, AND how much her emotions with him match to her emotional "safe zone"

A PDI can tolerate an abusive relationship if that's their safe zone, because that's how she grew up, but not tolerate a good honest one because to them it feels unsafe.

Indeed you are right. It all depends on how they were treated as children. They may not feel deserving of a good man, so they mistreat him so they can cry about receiving abuse. She receives attention ala Munschuasen, from her freinds and family, not really caring if they see you as a monster. She already feels bad about herself, because the "real self" that she knows and buries away is deserving of abuse, neglect, what-have-you. So if she is treated badly, it validates her and makes her feel comfortable. Crazy, I know.

And yes the cycle can last for years or even decades. It all depends on your own tolerance level. And Hey, I wish I was 17 again and could live all over again and do it right this time. Your wishing to remain a virgin is not something your future spouse would see as a high value in her man IMHO. Most women I think would appreciate a more learned hand in the bedroom. Someone who could lead her. They love that $hit. Google Sexual Market Value.

That is explained well too. I can elaborate on that.

When growing up as children the definition of "love" in their mind grows. If their parents raised them to believe "you must do this to get praise" but not get love or attention when not doing those things, then that will be their stipulation in a relationship later in life. If they were abused and neglected when all they want is love from a caregiver, then thats exactly what they repeat with their partners. You see....their emotions were not allowed to develop like a normal person. So they view emotions as a terrifying thing, the emotions of being treated they way they were as children never got the chance of being expressed in a healthy way, the parents either ignored that need, or got angry when it was expressed. So now it must be avoided. Since they have been running from their own for so many years, the emotion part of them dies or grows numb. By you expressing pain by what they are doing to you, it does not compute, they just dont understand it. Its like speaking a foreign language.

With that being said, is your tolerance level sustainable for the abuse she dishes out? Remember, she doesnt feel your pain, only sees it. If you lash back they get even more defensive and run. If you choose to stay, they'll resent you. It all depends what you can accept, how you react, what you can provide. All about them, not you. If you choose to put in your all, then they will take it all.

That's right. My ex said to me "All I ever wanted is for you to love me." First off, notice its all about her. Second, she didn't recognize love when it was given. She only recognized undivided attention and sex as love.

My ex didnt like expressions of love, like hugs, loving gestures like putting my arms around her, a kiss. Only when she wanted to, which was rare. She would rather me express it in things like, cleaning the house, doing what she asked ect. Thats how she showed me her version of love too. When she cooked, or ironed my clothes. But loving intimacy from her was rare. I forgot what it was like when she did do those loving things.

It all vanished one day, and i was in the rush of trying to secure it back. I did everything she asked, while busting my ass working. I was exhausted everyday. It didnt come back.

Sex was plentiful in the beginning but died later, she made me feel guilty when i asked. So that slowed down drastically too. The decline for everything is when we moved in together. She got what she wanted out of me, which was that apartment. My devaluation accelerated soon after that.

What i hated most was her attitude toward that place. When we tried working things out all i heard was "my apartment, my place, my house, mine mine mine"

She ignores the fact that i helped pay for that apartment for almost a year, and provided the security deposit and busted my ass everyday to keep it secure. Nope, now its all hers.