Hey All,

As I rebuild my life and I am starting to move forward I guess like many of the others here I find myself missing my abuser. I know it's crazy but even though my life has improved drastically by leaps and bounds since I left I still miss her.

Then I remember that this is the woman who called me names, put me down, devalued me frequently, was never happy with anything I did, gas lighted me, and for the most part was leading me down a path of self destruction with her.

I know it hurts right now, but I also know this is for the best. I stopped by the house today when she wasn't there to visit with her daughter.(I have permission) I can honestly say being there made me feel very uncomfortable almost like I am back there taking it from her constantly.

However, I hear from the child she has been spending less time with my old friend and given what I know about her if the luster has worn off I know she may try to contact me.

Honestly I am afraid and don't trust myself. I know I shouldn't answer, to be honest I found myself having a imaginary conversation with her in the car today where I was confronting her about her abuse and saying there was no letting her back in my life. However, I am afraid when the time comes I'll just end up falling apart and letting my Narc, the energy vampire, back in.

I wonder if you guys have this problem as well? What to do when she plays the sweet side of the sweet mean cycle.

Dave, I found myself thinking the same thing today, that is, how I miss the little things about her.

In case you aren't familiar with my situation, I have been married for 21 years. My wife turned from a loving devoted wife into a cold hearted woman almost overnight. I had no clue what I did or why it happened.

Anyway, I ended up being practically stalked by one of her narc friends, and myself being sexless and touchless with my wife, fell into a mild affair with her friend.
My wife found out and she has yet to forgive me. It's going on four years.

Anyway, we don't talk much or interact much. And today I found myself missing her. Granted, she only called me or contacted me during the day when she wanted something. She would sometimes get angry and yell at me. Yet, I find myself missing those things. It's very strange.
She would put me down and make fun of me to her friends. She never let me touch her sexually after she devalued me. So, it's really hard to comprehend that I miss anything about her, but I do.

Listen! And understand! That terminator is out there. It can't be bargained with! It can't be reasoned with! It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead!

I know exactly how you feel, Dave. I feel like this every day. I miss her all the time. Always remember the good things. Like I'll hear a song she used to song to me or il remember being in Egypt together. I'll remember when she weren't being horrible to me and was being loving and attentive towards me like I was her everything.
I try and remember the bad times like what a b itch she was and I try and put things into perspective.

Up until about a month ago she was telling me she still loves me, however, she has recently got into a new relationship of sorts. I don't know of it's a full relationship or just seeing the person but all I know is sheis just using the guy because she CAN NOT be alone.
Like you, I'm also quite sure that when the novelty wares off this new guy she's going to come crawling back to me and I've had the conversation in my head countless times. Me being strong and telling her to f u c k off! I just hope when or if the time comes I'm strong enough not to be emotionally blackmailed.

Just remember, dont be a dupe. She fooled you once or maybe more, but resolve to yourselves she WILL NOT fool you again. Remember to see them for what they are. They are masters at manipulation and they dont feel the same things you do. They are only looking out for their own solipsism.

Yeah I know guys, a few weeks out it is starting to get easier. Now I am rebuilding my life. Slow going but good.