I am such an idiot. After a month of no contact my ex got back in touch with me. At first I ignored her calls but she sent messages then saying 'I just want to see how you are' like an idiot I replied and said I'm fine. She then asked to meet me. I said no. She said we won't talk about any new people in our lives just see how each other is. Like a feckin idiot I went and met her.

When I got there we sort of had a heart to heart. I got emotional and she had tears in her eyes. She told me she misses my eyes, was hugging me, resting her head on mine and randomly give me a little kiss on the lips. She said the guy she's with doesn't mean anything to her and she still has feelings for me. We left eachother on nice terms.

Yesterday I came out the gym to her calling me and texting me asking me to go to her place. I did. I tried to put on a brave face and be positive around her. I noticed on her screen on her phone she had a picture of this new guy. I said if he doesn't mean anything why is he on your screen on your phone. She was like 'because I'm in a relationship with him' I said why are you in a relationship with someone you don't care about? She said ' because he's a nice person and makes me laugh' it's such f I kin bullsh1t it's obviously because she can't be alone.

I said if you love me and he means nothing you shouldn't be with him. She said 'I do have feelings for you and love you and miss you but I can't be with you. You've hurt me too much (yeah I've hurt her) my family hate you and yours hate me it'd never work' I thought why not just leave me alone then. She said a month ago she was moving on and for me to leave her be and I did and she contacts me. I was in pieces because I feel I still love her and my heart feels broken. She tried phoning last night and I ignored it. So she texted and asked if I was ok. I said I'm fine. She said she hates the thought of me being upset and hurting. Does she really care how I feel?why pretend?

She's tried phoning me about 6 times today already and I've ignored it. I'm that stupid when she gets in touch I get it in my head she must still care about me and be missing me. Then my heart gets ripped out and she acts all concerned. I'm so hurt and confused. I feel so lost.

i think its retarded to be tossing around the word "love" at this point lol. i know i dont love my ex i just want the sex and cuddling and i know she refuses to insult me just so she can get me back if she wants my attention later on. you should see the conversations ive had with my ex. i think these types of women go for the *******es who still say they love them and act ignorant ie crying. it makes them easy targets. i think one of the biggest turn offs to my ex was when i started talking like i knew her game and stopped acting like i really loved her.

Been there and done that lee. I know exactly what you are going through. It SUCKS. Trust me. I did exactly what you are doing for almost 6 months. And guess what? It didnt get better. The only pattern i noticed was the constant reeling in, and giving me rope, the teasing me she did with her body and looks, the i love you stuff. She did all that while she was with another guy. She didnt want to let me go, even as much as it hurt me to see her off with yet another guy. Mind you this was the second time this scenerio happened with a different guy.

I hated it. I said the same thing. Why be with him if you say you love me? I never got a direct answer. What i got was she had no regrets about it, she felt she did nothing wrong, ect ect.

The hell with that man. Be prepared for a triangulation if you decide to stay. Sounds like this is the beginning of one. It sucks, it hurts, its mentally exhausting, nerve wrecking and just plain not worth it.

Lee,

It's all part of the show, to find out if she still has some control over you.
Just in case she needs a backup in the future.

That's what drives these women: they are scared to death to be alone. Hence they line up a nice queue of candidates and poll 'em every now and then.

You're not an idiot, but a person who responds normally to someone showing their feelings. Unfortunately here you are dealing with a fake, a projection, to achieve a hidden agenda.

These people are always excellent actors, so don't feel bad for falling for it. Learn from the experience and use this knowledge in the future.

No Contact is the way to go.

J

Lee,

Do you really believe that by chance you saw that photo on her phone?

"When a Narc is being nice to you, BE AFRAID, BE VERY AFRAID"

"A lion was getting very old. He found it more and more difficult to catch his prey. Then one day he had an idea. He would stay in his cave and catch and eat any animal that came near him. Not long after this a foolish rabbit came hopping along. When he came near to the cave he saw the old lion lying there. “How are you today, Mr. Lion?” he asked politely. “Oh!” said Mr. Lion. “I am so sick. Please come in and feel how hot my head is.” The foolish rabbit went into the cave. No sooner had he reached out his paw to feel how hot the lion’s head was when “Snap! Snap!” and that was the end of the foolish rabbit.



Then a foolish sheep came wandering along. When he came to the cave he saw the old lion lying there. “How are you today, Mr. Lion?” he asked politely. “Oh!” said Mr. Lion. “I am so sick. Please come in and feel how hot my head is.” The foolish sheep went into the cave. No sooner had he reached out his foot to feel how hot the Lion’s head was when “Snap! Snap!”and that was the end of the foolish sheep.



The next day a fox came trotting along. When he came near to the cave he saw the old lion lying there. “How are you today, Mr. Lion!” he asked politely. “Oh!” said Mr Lion. “I am so sick. Please come in and feel how hot my head is.” The wise fox was cautious because he had noticed that all his friends who went to see the old lion did not come back.



He came close enough to talk to the lion, but he did not go into the cave. “Please come right in, and feel how hot my head is,” said Mr. Lion again.



“Oh no! Mr. Lion,” said the fox. “I can see many footprints going into your cave, but none come out. You are dangerous, Mr. Lion. Good bye!” And the fox ran off as fast as he could."

Relationships with Narcs are one way.. in the end they simply want to devour you.

To answer your question, Why do I do it to myself..

Who in your history was emotionally unavailable?

If you are like many of us... You are comfortable with emotionally unavailable people.

Think of someone who grew up around train tracts all their life.. While growing up they may have cursed the noise.. But when they get older.. they are uncomfortable with the peace and quiet.

We tend to gravitate towards what is comfortable even at the expense of being dysfunctional

Sometimes we fall because we never met someone so f'd up.

The Scorpion and the Frog

A scorpion and a frog meet on the bank of a stream and the scorpion asks the frog to carry him across on its back. The frog asks, "How do I know you won't sting me?" The scorpion says, "Because if I do, I will die too."

The frog is satisfied, and they set out, but in midstream, the scorpion stings the frog. The frog feels the onset of paralysis and starts to sink, knowing they both will drown, but has just enough time to gasp "Why?"

Replies the scorpion: "Its my nature..."