It started in December of 2012. My friend from work had said he found a girl that he thought I would get along with well. I was 22 years old at that time. She was 21. We arranged to meet at her place of work. We were able to do so for it was a gas station with very lenient rules. Everything went good. We talked about our passions and ways of life. Seemed absolutely normal. We then decide to have more of an intimate encounter. We both lived with our parents at that time, we both have had rocky pasts with living situations.
So, i take her to my house here we begin to listen to music and talk, and boy did we talk. still nothing was ever a red flag, negative vibes, or anything of the sort. she expressed that she wasn't cool with having sex on first dates. i agreed. so we both fell asleep eventually and awoke with no problems. Afterwards, when i was driving her home we agreed to do it again.
the second time she came over it was exactly the same but this time we had alcohol. on my judgment we were both over 21 and it wasnt a party type of thing just hey lets have a couple drinks. She wasnt acting belligerent or completely hammered. She seemed totally like herself as she was when i met her the other times. Things keep going and we decide to fall asleep. while lying in bed we both start to turn on things sexually. Not just me, not just her. it was as consensual as it could get. in the morning we do it again soberly. we talked about it with good intentions and we both couldnt stop smiling the whole way home.
We than began to see each other way more frequently staying the night at one of her friends house. A couple weeks later we begin to start dating. I wasnt forced to see her all the time, but it was made to be that way. i didnt mind i was "in love." Shortly after christmas, she found an apartment that her and her sister was going to move into. i helped them move as best as i could and drove her around to turn on the gas and electric. i stayed there almost every night until her and her sister got into an argument. Emily (the girl i was with's name) told me why they got into a fight. it was about bills and respect. later i came to find out from the sister that wasnt what they were fighting about.
needless to say im on this site for a reason. after that i moved in with her after only knowing her less than a month. i dont know why i did, but i consciously made that decision. Everything was going perfect we both had jobs. We could pay all the bills and buy food easily. during all of this she kept feeding me narcotics, mainly valium and strong pain killers. i have been a user before and just came off of probation before she met me. i was clean and not planning to get back into the life style, but i was trying to impress her and "be cool." a couple of months go by of me thinking everything was perfect.
then a past girl who i have talked to tried to get a hold of me. i remember what she said , "hello is this nick?" emily FREAKED out and i was very scared. I didnt get a chance to explain who she was. Right then we vowed to quit our jobs and run away. we squated in the house for another couple months while in the mean time doing anything we could for drugs. at this point i had no control over what we did and i was just going along with whatever would make emily happy. we eventually get kicked out and only had one option of moving back to her parents house together, because my parents are "horrible" people. we lived there all summer got random jobs, still tried to get drugs all the time. she couldnt function without them, she says.
Then one time we were drinking and she asked me what me and my male friend was talking about. i told her, he was telling me of his dates with a girl he liked. well apparently this was not the right answer for shouting and verbal violence in sued. now i was drunk so i finally had courage to tell her she was wrong. this is the first time i remember standing up to her like this. this led to her mauling me scratching me until i bled on my face and chest. i eventually held her down, so she would not harm me anymore but i did it in a way to not harm her at all. i knew what i was doing in that sense. i am not a violent person in any way. she begun to bite me multiple times drawing blood. we were eventually separated and her sister drove me home. the couple days i said it was all my fault and that she was right.... yeah.... she took me back but i wasnt allowed to live at her parents anymore.
we found a friend who would let us move in with them. so we started to pack up our stuff and get it all over there. emily lived over there a few weeks before i did. the first night i stayed there we got into a fight about my emotions. seriously thats all what started it i said how i felt. that led to the first break up. she went back to her parents and i went back to those friends to say i was sorry about the drama in their house.
they told me how she acted when i was not around and what she said and did. like i said im on this site for a reason. she was constantly cheating on me lying to me and using me. whatever so i broke that off. i dont like saying all the details of what she did because im still emotionally broken of all of it.
now not that long ago she moved a couple hours away with some guy that she met over the internet. she got me to start talking to her again. yeah yeah i know. and eventually got me to go to where she was living. she broke up with her boyfriend. then got with me right after. it was only a week and we fought multiple times. we went back to her parents for the weekend to pick up house stuff. when there her and her parents get into a fight about how emily doesnt respect or tell the truth to anyone. well emily turned it around and made that all their faults of course. through all of this i got validation that she did constantly cheat on me use me for money and so on. she even stole my moms car when i was at work one night to go to her ex's house so they could have sex and later said she got raped. afterwards, we walked downstairs and i broke up with her. she didnt say a word and ran away from the house to her friends. when she got there she text me saying how i raped her and how her parents used her as a prostitute. she still sends me very very long messages about how im a rapist piece of **** and how shes taking me to court. she post on her facebook rants about all these lies about her family and me. she came over to my parents house and screamed at my mother and father and threatened them. she wont stop she wont slow down. she says shes went to the court and pressed charges and did all this and that. but none of us know if she really did or not. but im tired of all of it.. what can i do... how do i protect myself... i seriously cant even look other people in the eye because how belittled i feel. im so numb. i dont feel like human being. i dont feel like i deserve to be here. i tried looking up legal ways of dealing with this. but none of it really helps.... if i listed everything she has ever done to me.. manipulation, lies, deceit, cheating.. that sort.. well that list would be long. but even if i gave specific events.. this would be a novel. i dont know what to do please help me.. anyone...anyway...anyhow

Nick,

Here's my idea :

- First, stay the hell away from this woman. She's proved to be poison, do not fall for it another time. It would be good to stay away from new relationships altogether until you got yourself back on your feet, and are not vulnerable anymore.
- For legal protection : find a lawyer that knows about BPD, and has experience with such cases. Gather and keep any evidence you have about past events, it will help to rebut her lies in court if it comes that far.
- For yourself, work yourself back up the motivational ladder. At the moment you're in the pits, and you'll stay there if you do not make a concerted effort to get out of it. You can get help from externals services/the internet/whatever, but it has to be encouraged by yourself; You need to push yourself out of there, and no one else. Take your time for that, it won't happen in a day.
- Make it clear to yourself that history is past, and your life is not going to be like that anymore. We all learn and make mistakes, but we use that experience to avoid repeating them. Imagine how you want your life to be, and start working towards it.
- Get educated on emotional intelligence. It will open your eyes towards abusive behaviour, and teach you total self-control in every situation life throws at you.

My 2 cents, hope it helps.


Jack