So I broke up with my ExNP about a month ago after a 5 month relationship, and have maintained “No Contact" since. I am still feeling pretty terrible but I was moving on. But last week I got a 4 page single spaced (10pt Arial font) letter from her in the mail “apologizing” and seeking “closure”. Talking about throwing salt into an open wound. I’m more angry and hurt than I was before.

She gave me the BS “unapology apology” saying “I’m sorry but…” and “I should have told you about him (or that) but…”. (FYI - I caught her constantly texting her Exes who she admitted were interested in getting back with her. She would withdraw and go missing for hours without explanation when I wasn’t giving her enough attention. She love bombed, triangulated with her Exes and Friends, lied and manipulated etc.).

She gushed about how much she loved me and how she was shocked that it all ended so abruptly (Funny, my Friend caught her on the dating site “Tinder” not 12 hours after we broke up). She rambled on and on trying to explain her behavior, never admitting or apologizing for her constantly lying and deception. If you were an outsider reading this, not knowing the facts, you’d think I was the jealous, hot headed, insecure abusive ******* who forced her to lie and cheat. She’s an academy award winning actress.

There were so many inconsistencies in her Letter (along with Love Bombing, Circular Reasoning, Pity Party, Blaming etc.). She contradicts herself, not even remembering the lies that she told. She expresses her rage that I outed her on Facebook and deleted her along with a dozen pictures (Narcissists don’t like to be exposed for what they are).

She ends the letter by saying “I know I am a good person” and “I deserve a Guy who trusts me”, “I deserve a guy who isn’t insecure”, “I will find happiness”, trying again to imply what an ******* I was when in fact I worshipped the ground she walked on.

The Letter infuriates me!!! I was feeling better about myself. I just want to get the crazy ***** out of my head!! I do want to respond but I know she's trying to push my buttons and dragged me back in. I do know that she’ll stew for a while wondering why I’m not responding or affected by it. Just feeling emotionally raw right now.

It’s amazing how one psychopath can come into your Life, even for a short time, and destroy you emotionally.

An unmitigated hover. Good to see that you know it for what it really (REALLY) is

I know this is tough for you, and I can see that you "get" what this woman is.. the fallout takes ages to recover from. It's a tough - tough thing.

I'm 5 years out of the relationship, 2.5 years No Contact (with 3 unsuccessful,and ignored, low-level hover attempts at about 6 -9 month intervals since NC)

Then Narc the younger sends me the long - "sorry I f'd up your life" e-mail just the other week, with a "please please just reply".... gaaaaaa! . Two and a half fracking years NC WTF? (truth, I'd been expecting it...) but I feel terrible that she asked so pleadingly and she (once again) made ME the bad person. They are witches.....

Sad truth, after all this time, I was happy to get the apology - yes I know it's not real, I know she wants something, and yes I know it's a hover....but I took the apology since that's all I'm ever going to get where closure is concerned...

Other sad truth - I am so fracking tempted to reply...........!!!!!!!!!! but why lower myself to her level. I'll just go on feeling bad....

sigh!

I feel your pain Brother. I know it’d hard when they plead and beg for forgiveness and tell you how much they love you. I literally have not slept since I received her letter last week. You are an empathetic guy like me. You believe that deep down inside there is goodness in everybody (although that’s what you’ve been taught to believe) and that they actually mean what they say and will change. Don’t believe any of it. These Narcissists feel nothing!! That’s right…NOTHING!! I've done the research and have connected the dots (my Dad's a NP). They view you as nothing but Narcissistic Supply that they will discard you like trash once they are done torturing you. As bad as I want to reply, deep down inside I know and feel the truth and just want to lick my wounds and move on.

Please don’t believe in the sincerity of any of her texts, emails or voicemails. She and every other NP are evil and want nothing more than to drag us back in and use you us for their sadistic pleasure. You are worth more than that. She’s a cancer. Cut her out. Forget about her. Instead, surround yourself with healthy, caring, loving people who have boundaries and treat you with respect. Actions always speak louder than words.

Hello Deckard, New,

Good to hear you guys are seeing through the fog, and recognize what's going on.

Those women are living in their own world and reality, no need to try to convince them otherwise; it will never happen. Do not waste your energy on it; use your frustration for working out or other self-improving activities.

You are currently giving them the punishment that they fear most : being alone in this world without a(nother) backup. Stay inexistent for them, it's what they deserve.

Every hovering attempt is basically a symptom of her agony bucket overflowing; allow it to make you feel better, no matter how she tries to word it.


All the best, and stay strong,

Jack

Deckerd, I think that these women will always have some sort of spell over us. Definitely stay no contact with her.

My first experience with a narc, outside of my parents, was with a woman I fell in love with when I was 18 or so. She cheated on me multiple times and destroyed my credit at the time.
Recently, nearly 30 years later, I had a dream about her that seemed so vivid and real. I can't explain it.

Mine destroyed me and "I packed up my shiat and headed on down the road" a'la Bob Seger. Best move I could have made. Got a job with a major corporation and lovin life. When she ******* at me from across the country I just send pics of me happy in my new area. HA!

Same here, cold is the main theme.

When things go well, she sometimes tries to be a bit kind, but I know it will only last until the next minor issue pops up; also, I regard them as attempts to get me back into an all-accepting state. No more of those for me...

Yesterday she tried to ask for sex, but I replied "not today, I have a headache" (which was true).

Feels great to be in control again.

Besides that, I'm training myself to live outside of the stressful frame that she creates at home : she's a horrible planner and always accuses others when her plans prove impossible to implement. Lots of shouting and hurrying because madame grossly underestimated the time that things normally take. I'm learning to live outside of that frame, mostly by remembering how life was as teenager. Kind of learning to live in another reality.

Once I'm there, I can be a role model for the kids, to show them how things are done in a normal situation.

Someone will get ignored in the process; the one that shouted loudest before...


Jack

The apologies are just to keep your guard down...once they realize the apologies don't work, that's when their true nature comes out...

I got no desire to chat with her......at all. But I do love pushing her buttons now that I am way out of her sphere of influence. My new rule is "What would Bob do?".

http://uploadsociety.com/video_v48758. .

she is fishing to see if you will take the bait