Hello folks, Greetings. My name is E....TCV... I am 41yo from Malaysia. I broke up with my ex of 12 years and 4 months 7 weeks ago. For the last 24 hours, the word Narcissist was just intriduced into my life and now i see a clear picture of it. I have had several physhiatrist seeions and I am recovering well from the break up. My ex has Narcisstic coupled with Boderline and Paranoid PD. I was feeding it without realising it all these while.

From the old BB phone (mine and hers) that i showed my theraphist, he was amazed how I survived 12 years with this and still alive with daily torments from her. I really learned a lot from here and would like to thank you all. Before today and this post, i was focusing on trying to get back up on my feet and was also trying to get my ex to see the theraphist, but now, I gave up totally on her. Every video by James has her in it. I couldnt imagine the 12 years of life that i shared with this person is fake. I really loved her unconditionally and came to realise that it was a scheme of hers manipulating the sincere feelings i had and a life together that was tormenting me all these while.

I once put a gun to my head and pull the trigger while she was partying with her friends out on 18 Dec 2010. I forgot to chamber the gun. That instance, i realised my life is important to me. I held on to the relationship dearly as you know by then, everything is gone and the only thing left is her. You can now imagine what my life is and picking up the pieces and living in the house we both built together is hard enough.

Ofcourse this break up and many other break ups was initiate by her all these 12 years but this time is not the same. I manage to have more time and space to my self and manage to get professional help because i have practically no one to talk to, so i need to talk to someone who is qualified to find me a solution. I walked away wanting a long break from this exhaustive life and relationship.

Totally heartbroken, this person i have nurtured from when she was 17 years old and i was 28 when we started the relationship after 5 months. I seen her graduated from High School, college and admission into the BAR as a porfessional lawyer. The symptoms started 3 months after the relationship began, mildly in the begining and the rest is history. Feels like I just woke up from a 12 year coma. I just discovered WhatsApp, had my own Gmail, my own ebay account, checking account, own phone line, own internet services. It was devastating and now i am very afraid to even think of her. I was only talking to her 2 days ago.

Please give me any useful advice so i dont fall into this hell hole again. Thank you guys....

Hello Sirius,

You've come to the right place, we're all in the same boat here.

First thing for you to do is take a breath. You need time by yourself now, to recover from all the stress she has put on you (I had Post-Traumatic Stress symptoms when I started to see the light).

Your body needs to recover, and that just takes time.

You can speed it up by trying relaxation techniques like yoga or meditation or the like, and by working out.

Second thing to keep in mind is to avoid her at all costs. She's the cause of all your misery, and your body will react instinctly as in trauma when you see her again. You've been conditioned to overreact when she's around, it's all part of keeping you in the fog and not allowing you to understand what is going on, so stay away from her.

When you start to recover, try to educate yourself on the subject of narcissism and borderline. This will bring you answers to the questions you have now.

Continue the psychotherapy, as it will help you understand and see through the fog.

This is sufficient for starting; once you're back up there, you'll know what to do next.


Keep it easy, and give yourself time.



Jack

Thank you Jack, very much appreciate it....two days ago i bumped into her accidentally at a restaurant with her sis which is also a Narc, i looked away and did not feel anything.

I am coping and trying very hard to pick myself up for now.