Guys:

From time to time, I have viewed your stories and have been touched by what I've read. For the last 30 months, I have been up against a narcissistic ex-wife who I can only define as an impostor to how we should feel as human beings. What's more - she is considered a religious leader who I was once charmed by her good looks and strong beliefs. But in reality,she is a person who is a dangerous liar, who manipulates the legal system for her own benefit while using her title to further her means to destroy me, my kids and my new wife. My story has essentially occurred behind closed doors to protect my kids. That is about to change - because things can not get much worse. Here's a bit of what I've experienced over this time...

-My ex-wife had an affair with a board member from her "organization"
-She regularly harassed and verbally abused me through e-mails (sometimes sending me up to ten e-mails in a day), and once threatened to go to child protective services if I did not agree with a key demand of hers in developing the parenting agreement
-She used a counsellor with a local religious social agency to go against me, eventually making two false claims to child protective services
-She suggested I abused my kids
-She threatened a defamation suit against me to shut me up about her affair to keep it from going public
-She made false and damaging claims against me on Facebook
-On my wedding day, she threatened to call the police on me because I inadvertently forgot to return my children's school bags to her promptly.
-She has attempted to alienate all of kids against me and has succeeded with my oldest - who I have not seen in two months. He is a sweet child with an explosive behaviour who she has easily turned against me.

This only covers part of what I've been up against over the last 2 1/2 years. And what has the legal system done here to help me? Nothing.

As my wife tells me regularly, she can't believe how biased the system is toward women in the city and region that I live. Not only is it biased toward women, but it is corrupt - laced with lawyers, mediators and arbitrators who favour someone simply because of their title or role in the community. In my case, I learned (after the fact) that our "reputable" mediator/arbitrator - who resigned nearly a year ago after repeated biases a - demonstrates a clear conflict of interest. That is, the mediator's son works with my ex's dad at the same law firm. I live in a big city. That is no coincidence. It is no wonder that the standards of mediation and arbitration - as well as the policy on abuse - were ignored. And while the mediator was doing everything he could to protect my ex-wife's career (essentially his words), my ex-wife's behaviour was enabled. She could do anything to me or say anything without even a slap on the wrist.

Two other notes about how the system in my community coddles people like my ex-wife. One, I have made complaints to two organizations that are supposed to "oversee" the mediator and arbitrator. I can tell one has taken my complaint seriously and is acting appropriately. The other organization is a joke. In fact, when I made the complaint - the organization's comment to me was how difficult a position I was putting THEM in considering the reputation of the mediator. Not surprisingly, they barely touched my complaint - citing no concerns on how the mediator handled my dysfunctional case.

Two, while my lawyer was supportive of the concerns he had for how the mediation/arbitration was handled, he suggested we not appeal so we wouldn't make the mediator mad (as he would be reviewing the case in a year). When I asked him to write a letter to the organizations in which I made a complaint, he suddenly cited a conflict of interest - indicating that the mediator/arbitrator served as his divorce lawyer previously. He did offer me a junior lawyer, but he would personally not go to bat for me. Why? Simple. These lawyers are in bed together. They will not turn on each other. Not once. They are more interested in defending their own jobs than protecting my kids. It's as simple as that.

Last month, I attended a high conflict event comprised mostly of practitioners. It was like attending one big happy love fest. My former mediator-arbitrator was there - all of the professionals talking about how broken the system is and blaming people like my ex-wife for the craziness that occurs in and out of court. I just had to laugh. Funny enough, I took the mic to ask one of the professionals a question while describing my situation, whereas I was interrupted because I was told only "professionals could ask questions."

Which bring us to today. After 30 months of an unsustainable period, where I have a new found family, a beautiful and supportive wife and lots of positive things in my future, my ex-wife - the community leader who had the affair - won't let things go. So in the last month, I have finally gone to the ethics committee that represents her practice and have told my story to them. I chose never to go this route in fear that it would hurt my kids. But what am I to do? My ex is the ultimate impostor and one of the greatest bullies that I have ever know. She needs to be held accountable for her actions. And while I have taken an incredible number of slings and arrows, my kids have suffered tremendously. And I am doing my best to protect them, but of course, in the eyes of some practitioners - I am the cause of the conflict. IT's absolutely incredible. And just recently, in her response to ethics charges, my ex denied her affair despite tons of proof. In her mind, it's as if it never happened.

Through it all, I am trying to stay strong. I see two of my kids only 10 days/month and as I stated, I haven't seen my oldest since February. I know that I am doing the best that I can. But make no mistake - the legal system - which is already biased toward women - enables "community leaders" like my ex-wife to thrive and flourish. She is not unlike a "crack head" mayor or a Tour de France cyclist. And because of who she is in the community, she gets a pass. And that is sick and twisted and disgusting. And with the help of some - including those in her own profession - she needs to be accountable for all of her actions before all my kids are affected by her poison.

Hello there,

Sorry to hear you're having such a hard time from your ex.

It's true that the legal system is a farce where these issues are concerned. They still live in the middle ages, mainly because they have a way to milk the system (why would they change it?).

Until men start to rise in group and publicly challenge the system for its faults, it will not change.

We need a masculinist movement...



Jack

Thanks, Jack. It is incredible. The system has no incentive to change as long as the business is as lucrative as it is. It's just so incredible watching these so-called professionals say with a straight face how broke the system is - when they have been in it for years. True hypocrisy.

BTW: I just received a response letter from the ethics committee investigating my ex-wife's affair and surprise, surprise - she denies the affair ever happened, deflects any blame, suggests I was abusive and unsupportive during the entire marriage and leaves key information out of certain events. And her story appears so credible, too. It's like she is so believable. She's been doing that for months against me - how much can one person lie without feeling something.

And yet, that's who she is. A narcissist. An impostor. A ruse.