The basics. 4 years together. 3 young children. Had our ups and downs. I'm 36 she's 25. Both come from a rough relationship past. Most of the time was good both emotionally and physically. She has gone through a lot of pain from different medical reasons. Back pain, PCOS, endometriosis. Lots of pain med usage but never abused. Recently had last 2 surgeries. Was on oxycontin, again. Stoped taking it.

Now, during our "good time" yeah, it was mostly good except the occasional fight. During those fights she would automatically switch to defensive mode. Pointing finger making threats and dragging up a lot of past things. I admittedly would get to a point that I would say something as well but the difference was I would almost immediately apologize for saying anything rash. She would not. Even after the fact. These argumentswould boil down to her suddenly admitting fault and going on about how horrible she was making me feel like crap and then accepting blame myself to end the argument. After a bit i would not get an apology but there was closeness so i felt there was closure. But a week or so later, right back to it. That carried on from about a year after the beginning to more recently to where her little switch flipped, and stuck. After she got off her meds things were OK for a little bit. She was still praising me for being such a help to her and talked openly to everyone about her love for me and how lucky she was. Then i noticed a shift. She was getting more irritable. She was drawing back from me. She was passing blame for all sorts of things. Her mother, who she had a lot of issues with, suddenly became her best friend. And let me tell you, if ever there was a toxic woman, it' her mother. She used to brag openly about the tthings she would do to her husband. It was sickening. Anyway, she started giving me ultamadiums about things going on threatening to leave. Closeness stopped and she started hanging out with her mother more and a friend of hers. Every time i would get to or close to a goal the rules would change. She became pushy and berating. Drilling me over and over about getting things done faster. Then the witch hunt began.

To wrap this up, she dug around and found something she didn't like, turned it into more than what it was, fabricating a lot. Told her family, her friends, my family, my friends, everyone that would lend an ear. Kicked me out, refuses to let me see my kids, has now sold most all my stuff and has severed contact, except to send me nasty responses to things. I'm living in one of our suvs because she was all I had here and she drained the bank account and closed it so I ended up losing my job cause I worked 40 miles away. More threats. More cursing. Trying like hell to tear me down. Don't care that I'm broke and starving and homeless. And all the while i can only feel sad for her, cause somethings wrong.

It's my family. All faults aside it's mine. Don't know if I could look at myself if I just turned my back on it.i think she's sick and needs help. Wish there was more I could do.

Chad,

Listen to me : you have to get back on your feet by YOURSELF. She will only try to push you further down into the pit, no single bit of empathy will come from her; do NOT wait for it.

It's time for you to man up, and start taking care of your business.

Get a job, a place to stay, and start from there. Become INdependent, that's your ticket out of this situation.

STOP accepting guilt for everything that goes wrong in her opinion. It is just an OPINION, and worth only as much as your own.

She is blowing up minor issues to major ones to test your dominance, your masculinity. You've proven to be a wuss by accepting the blame for them every time. As such, she's lost all respect for you, and has discarded you because to her you're only a clinging loser.

Her mother became her best friend, because she did the same to her husband. In your wife's mind, suddenly the things mom said about men proved to fit her reality.

Her mom boasted about abusing her husband, because she had no respect for him, and he LET her do it. Leading to her non-respect for him grow into contempt. Leading to more public shaming...

YOU have to break this vicious cycle, and you alone.

Prove that you are a man who can take care of himself. Get back on your feet without her involvement, so you have a safe base to return to in case things really end. It'll show that you still have some masculinity left in you; if things will work out with her in the end, this is where it started. If not, at least you've prepared your base to start the rest of your life.

Once you've established that, you can start considering if things are still fixable. But it's too early for that now, first make sure you get on your feet again.



Jack