I am 15 year old female (I know that this site says men, but I need advice) and my mom is narcissistic. I live with my father now, moved before my 15th birthday. I love my mom and I watched all these videos and now... I am so jumbled in the mind, I know my mom is a narcissistic, and I don't wanna believe it. I don't wanna turn out like her. Then again I grew up with her. She made me at a young age call everybody else dad, but my own dad, but I still called my real dad daddy. She then married a guy and he abused me, and then she tried covering up for him. He broke my tooth. I then told my dad and he got me help. I just moved to my dad because every time I walked into my mom's house, I felt like an outsider, out of place. I felt like the victim. I have been for about the couple of months before that. I have tried committing suicide 3 times. Now that I am at my dads, I haven't self harmed, and I haven't even thought of suicide. I just need advice on how to not turn out like that. I have seen some signs in my actions that are narcissistic, but not to that extent. I absolutely do not wanna turn out like that. I need advice. I am almost an adult. I would appreciate it. Thanks everyone.

Hello Brandi,

Good that you requested help.

Although this site is meant for men, we're dealing with related subjects here.

I advise you to get professional help. Your history warrants big time that you have post-traumatic consequences from all the things that have happened to you. These consequences can stay dormant in your subconscious for a while, but they will emerge and affect your life dramatically down the road. In your situation, they've already come out (suicide attempts).

I can only try to explain a bit about the things you've mentioned, to help you understand and thus be able to accept what has happened.

You've done the right thing moving out of your mother's house. When she covered up for the abuser, she lost her status of protector. You did not feel safe around her anymore, because she failed in protecting you from harm.

As your father proved he did take care of you in time of need, it's the right place for you to be right now.

You feel like a victim, because you are. You've been abused, and lost an important protector on top of that. All these things happened to you without you being able to do anything about them, and this creates the victim-feeling.

You've been overwhelmed by it all, and you felt like the world throws too much bad things your way, to make life worth living. One way desperate people react to their powerless struggle, is by self-harming...

Now that you're in your dad's place, you are away from it all. Not facing the place or people where it all happened, you feel like there IS a world outside of the bad things that have happened to you. And you can calm down (no more self-harming).

Please stay at your dad's place, take things easy, and try to understand what has happened to you (= vital for your recovery). It IS possible to work your way up to a happy life again, but a good professional psychotherapist is what you need to help you get there.

I'd appreciate if you could chime in every now and then, to let us know how it goes. I wish you all the best on your journey to recovery.


Jack

Hi Brandi,

Welcome to enlightenment. It took me 50 years to come to the understanding of being a harpy's child. I didn't have access to a global internet at your age, i just got the heck out (i joined the military), moving away is considered the best and only option, which I read you've done. The long term effects that I've had to deal with, and if right, you are too, are indeed mind bending. Youth and knowlidge is on your side. Jack has said most of what you need to know but unless you've been there understanding that this IS your mother is hard for others to grasp.

https://sites.google.com/site/harpyschild/

Is a good read. Another (better) gender neutral site is

www.outofthefog.net. Out of the Fog

Fog meaning Fear, Obligation, & Guilt, a PDI s tools of choice

One thing you need is humanity, if true and your mum is indeed a pdi - you need to always remember, this is a disorder, you didn't cause it, and you'll never fix it. Moreover, you shouldn't be asked to deal with it. Your life is your own, your mothers anger is hers and not yours. That, for me, is the ongoing struggle with my PDI mother, because as bad as she is, she made me, and she made me to tolerate the intorable. So, where my mother is co cerned, I do, at cost only to me......well, I used to.

Be yourself in all things, be emotionally responsible for your own happiness and the happiness of those important to you. Learn to see through your own eyes not your mothers, don't let another's anger be yours. You've made a start.

Talk to a professional, but talk to your Real dad as well, let him understand.

Take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself and most of all give yourself the emotional support and happiness you diserve.

Hello Brandi,

If you're still reading, I've got another tip for you.

My personal view is that narcissism comes from blocked empathy early on, and is a further evolution of someone freezing down their empathic side (& a lack of attention from others when required).

You are not in a situation to give empathy to others, and risk shutting down your empathic side if the recovery does not occur soon.

Get help from others soon, to allow yourself to understand and accept everything that has happened. Only then will you be able to open your empathy again for other people, thereby avoiding any possible seed for narcissism to grow.



Jack

Brandi
So you think you might be becoming a narcissist?
Do you see parallels between your behavior had you mothers?
I doubt if you do.

Do you have empathy and compassion?


i think what you are dealing with the trauma of having lived with your mother and her abusiveness .


here is a personality test

http://psychcentral.com/quizzes/narcissistic.htm

I think you just need to seek professional help for the trauma you have been thru.

take care

P.S.

Please understand that here are men who are dealing with having been in abusive relationships and need the fellowship of other men who have been there and understand so they can continue healing.
So please seek advice online and irl in places more appropriate for someone of your age and gender

Hi Brandi! Welcome! I know it says this is a men only site but if you are being victimized you are welcome as far as Im concerned. Men only site is a bit over rated and i believe anyone who is hurting deserves support. There is also another woman on here named "ann" that shows up once in a while and I believe she has contributed greatly to the site. On another note...If you are worried about being narcissistic you probably aren't.