Unfortunately for me from time to time I still see my Nar and I begin to notice her mannerisms seem fake or as if she trying to fit in, my question is this, do they all act in such a way, or is it because I've seen the real her?


*I also seen her talking to a young lady who went we used to talk she bad mouth as if they was the best of friends(I can only imagine what she said about me be hide me back)*

And also she act as if I don't even exist, is this the normal actions when you know who they really are and explain the BS they did and put you through?

In a nutshell.......yep!

Remember what they show - is the projection designed to hide the real persona from you, and everyone including themselves.

you've seen behind the mask - so all you perceive now is that mask.

what's more - she knows that.... so hay - you no longer exist...

DAM BRO THEMSELVES!!!!!!!!!! so you mean to say that the real person True self is trying to hide itself from itself? That Crazy!!!!

and Also if that's the case would their best friend or person that they share all of their men problems to would they be Narc's as well? and would they be acting as well.

No, not that crazy...

The true person is so worthless in her own opinion. Remember, no one loves them - right??? The projected persona is there to hide behind FOR THEM... It's camouflage, emotional hide and seek. Discover that and the mask comes off - and/or they run to the hills.

that's one reason for the projection (just one...)- let's not kid ourselves - it isn't for our benefit - that's a bonus and wayyyyy down the list.

Non narc "Friends" are just someone else to use and/or hide from.... a narc knows a narc IMHO (birds of a feather so to speak), so they might develop a better bond with another female narc...thinks birds flock! They also "can develop" a relationship (of sorts) with a male narc... they basically devour each other and self district - to any outsider - it's obviously toxic - to them...they don't care since each is fooling the other. Some Hollywood types fall in to this category.

But yeh, my reading has these creatures a lot more complex than basic hamster brain - although still dangerous.

Man that's Crazy, so if they feel so bad about themselves why they run from love?

Gabe,

I'm no expert, but the reason that seems to fit (in my mind) is Emotional Safety. It's safer to run than risk being (emotionally) "deeply hurt" - they control that. They control when to run, they have standby men, they prepare... because they don't trust real emotional love to not hurt them. It's a reminder of sever pain - often where childhood trauma is a factor - they have that memory of that childhood hurt embedded.

Remember, they have the emotional capabilities of a small child and they are firing in pure instinct (flight or fight) mode when roused. In a row, there is No cognitive function - that's why their dangerous - there's no real cognitive associations with what's happening. Just survive...win. What you're arguing with is a scared lizard with no reasoning ability - and she'll bite if cornered.

The PDI lacks the network connection between the emotional part of the brain and the higher functions (almost schizophrenic), when in argument mode, cognitive function is bypassed - they're literally (used in the correct sense here)in survival mode, even when there is no real need or threat, but they don't see things that way. At other times she's often high functioning. That's why they often don't have cognitive memory of the event - because the cognitive part of the brain....it never got the message.

True love, at an emotional level is a frightening place for them and something to be avoided at an instinctive level - like you and I not putting our hands in the flame. We don't think about it now. Something we learned young - so to did many of them.

Sad truth is - the nicer you are, the more the fear that "somethings up" the worse they act. I don't advocate being unkind just to save a relationship but if you start to truly love them, then they'll sense that and begin the process of bugging out, or better starting a self forfilling prophesy of destruction anyway.

Your dammed if you do and your dammed if you don't - there truly is no cognitive argument with a lizard.

Anyway, that is how i see them.

Absolutely TNM. Everything goes back to their childhood. They were deemed by their parents to be a problem, unlovable, difficult (perhaps they were difficult) but to selfish and impatient parents they learn that they are a bad person (the real them). They are always seeking approval from their parents (didn't we all) but rarely getting it. So to cope with this they may mimic others that their parents admire and create a whole new persona. Their parents know the real person and find them unlovable, but to the stranger they ARE the persona they have created (the false self).

The narc knows who the real self is and expends a great deal of energy to maintain the false self or mask. Sometime a trigger will force the mask to fall and the real person emerges, but it is usually at the level of an immature child. Screaming, tantrums, etc. This is what we eventually see and we cannot fix them. They have developed these coping strategies in childhood and have been using them for years. Once the real self is discovered, the love interest is discarded for a fresh one and the cycle repeats.

Treating people like objects and being pathology which leave them to be a Psychopath.

Idealized: False Self
Devalued: Real Self
Discard: End of the relationship

Repeat