If Narc know that at one point and time they will discard you, how do some many men find themselves in long marriages? (Like for 12 years and what not?) is it because the view you as the best source of supply? And Lastly do Narc Marry for money or control?

They marry to get whatever they feel is in their best interests. Whether it be money, kids, security, sex, image, because everyone else is doing it, or control. Or, all of the above.

I think my marriage worked for so long because I worked a lot of hours. Somehow that kept us apart enough to keep things spicy for 6 or 7 years.

Did she discard you? or you figured her out?

She discarded me emotionally after she started hanging around other BPD stay at home moms. They filled her head with lies about me and made it seem cool to treat their husbands bad.
I guess that's it in a nutshell.

Dam so wait she was a stay at home mom, I was thinking that they might be the way to go, every man I talk to with a set up like that have a good God fearing house hole. Man I'm growing more and more dispassionate about marriage.

Sorry, but this bleak outlook just mirrors reality.
For instance, I saw a great buddy of mine tonight at the grocery store. He is a fantastic father. He adopted his wife's child from another man. He earned good money, he was faithful.
She is catholic and was a stay at home mom.
Their youngest kids are moving out and they now have the house to themselves. He said that he was going to have a "naked room" now for him and his wife. She immediately shook her head "no."
So, this guy, who was so great, is being denied affection by his wife. Why? Because she doesn't value and appreciate him.

Oh, and Gabe, my wife promised me the world if I would get her pregnant and let her be a stay at home mom.
I, too, busted my balls to provide for my family.
What did she do?
She changed everything in our relationship. Nothing she said when it came to us turned out to be true.
She discarded me emotionally and left me starving for affection for years. Affection of any kind.

And that why their toxic, because they are naturally devaluing?

I think what happens is this...

They love bomb you and lure you in. That is all they have. They can't show normal affection, so they shower you with compliments and sex.
Then, they get angry about little things and try to change you.
I changed a bit to keep the peace. I worked a lot and I was too tired to fight about dumb little stuff.

Then, they sense when you have lost that crucial part of yourself and they have you under their thumb. It is then that they devalue you. Perhaps it is a loss of respect because you were dumb enough to give in to them. Once they have you under their control you are no longer a challenge to them and they lose interest.
At least that is what I think happened.

On a side note, I saw a couple of her friends today. They were very stand-offish with me. It seemed like they were very uncomfortable. Who knows what she has said to them.

I think I remember James saying something about these types of people, view people that can love as weak. Now what is the point for trying to gain control over someone if you know your going to discard them? I think maybe they get a kick out of setting people up for a hart break, (kinda like building a snow man and watching it melt).

I think it's the love for themselves and control

Hi guys,

Here's my idea :

I think a lot of this narc-bpd and other abusive female behaviour is actually instinct; it is natural female behaviour, because it serves their interests : get with a male to support her during the upbringing of her offspring, and then discard him to find another male and create new offspring. Voila, the cycle of life from a female perspective.

It explains why those people are so cold on an emotional level : since it is instinct, there's no reason involved, and therefore no remorse is required.

It also explains why they are so good at their stuff (love-bombing, leeching support & discarding) : it is driven by their INNATELY ENCODED behaviour, just in a modern context.


Now which one of you volunteers to touch a woman again, knowing this?


Jack

I think that I'm really starting to spot this predatory behavior they have. There is a married woman who has a kid who plays sports with my son. She always talks to me at the games. At first, I didn't think much of it. I always just talk to everyone around me.

Well, this woman talked to me yesterday, then followed me, and stood right beside me at these games. So, I decided I had better get away from her. I sat next to my wife and this woman followed me and sat right behind me. I couldn't get away from her.
I began to feel very uncomfortable. This lady was definitely attractive.

I decided to just ignore her. I felt kind of bad for doing this, but, I felt that it needed to be done.

Eventually she left and started hanging around her husband.

I don't think I would have been able to do something like this in the past. I know that I am vulnerable as hell right now.

That or its been preach (pass down) to them over the years