Hey guys. Some of you may remember me when I went through my year long struggle with my ex. I broke free but I find myself in a strange state these days even though its been many months that passed.

After I broke free from her and the pain that was causing me to go a little haywire I felt many feelings. Relief, despair and uncertainty. I went through a physical transformation. I cut my hair nicely, I lost alot of weight, and slowly my confidence came back. The response I got from other women was overwhelming. I met alot of nice women, and a few that were screaming red flags. I feel my spirit has slowly mended. But those scars remain. Ive turned down a number of girls who wanted a relationship with me. For one I was afraid of the term "relationship" and two I have developed some major trust issues with women that now I tend to avoid the subject of relationships entirely. But I still feel lonely inside. Any advice you guys can give me? Is this normal after npd abuse? I feel bad for turning down some of them and even avoiding getting too close. I just feel a bit stunted still.

As for "her", the last I heard is shes still with the last victim she spun into her web when I left (at least I think its him), and ive avoided her at all costs, for instance one of her friends would text me wanting to hang out, and he knew it went bad. He texted me out of the blue months later. I kept making excuses until I told him that I could not because of simple faction rule. The less I know the better. I felt bad for doing that but I felt I had to. I dont want him running back with any news of my life to her and I dont need to know hers either. Im not sure if she set him up to do it, I will never know. Lastly, last month I took a vacation to Nashville, TN. I had a blast, I took lots of pictures on my fb, which im still friends with him on. On the last day, I get a call from her father. Strange. I didnt pick up. There was no message left. The curiosity got the best of me and I called him back a few days later. He didnt have my number anymore and he said he didnt call me at all. But it was his number on my phone. I figured she must have been there because it was easter sunday. He told me it was nice to hear from me and it was very brief and cordial.

Was this something she did on purpose? To stir up my head with her again? Or coincidence? Im staying strong and avoiding at all costs. Do they do this?

Thanks guys.

How ya doin Chris? I moved 2500 miles across the country to my dream job. Who'da thunk I would end up here? I work a lot and have no time to think about the crazy one. Lost a lot of weight and the younger women are starting to chat me up. I keep my distance......happy to chat but that is that. I love where I am so much that I don't regret losing so much from that experience. Kinda think all that stuff was an anchor for a drowning man.

And yes that is how they behave....she is checking to see if anything is at the end of that rope still. Mine had her father redo his will as he was dying and cut the rest of her family out of inheritance.......typical.

OC, stay strong buddy!
I think the key for us guys is to find a way to love ourselves.

I'm still with my wife. I've been basically celibate for the last 5 years. I've found that it's impacting my health. But, I'm trying to figure out what I'm supposed to learn from all of this. If that makes sense at all.

I know I may not be the best person to give advice to, but follow your gut. Maybe you just aren't ready to date? Or perhaps there is a better woman out there that you will appreciate more than ever after you heal up some more?
Who knows...

I think back on all of the times that I didn't listen to my gut and think, "****, I could have avoided a lot of heartache in my life if I would have just listened."

But, I am here. I am doing my best.
I've been seeing my doctor regularly and trying to get my health back. I have put on a couple of pounds after I "hit the wall" working out. I just didn't have anything left in me to keep doing it. So, I took a break.

I think I'm ready for a little vacation now. Perhaps a little trip to Vegas or something just to get away for a bit.

So, keep working on yourself, be patient, and follow your gut.

I'm adding a little edit here, about women:

I have had other women show interest in me, and it is tempting, but my whole thinking on women has changed.
I see them as more of a trap than anything.
I no longer value exterior beauty. I think what is going on in the inside of a woman is really what matter.

Its good to hear you guys are doing good. Im doing much better than I was last year, im not even the same person! Its been a while since ive been on here. We are all surviving in our own ways. Ive remained very strong after our last fling. I knew that all I was experiencing was more pain. I have to say beaten, im not entirely ready to date yet. Ive become more observant with any girl I speak to. Im speaking to one now, shes a sweetheart, a bit younger than me, a bit wild. Im keeping a watchful eye and not trying to get involved too much yet. I learned too much to throw it all away.

As for my ex, I know it wasnt her father that called me. It had to have been her. Why? I dont know. Her attempts to weed me out have not worked, if thats what shes even trying to do. She wont come direct, because that would be too much. So she raisee awareness in other subtle ways. I could be wrong but im not sure.

I know that. Ive danced that dance with her before. I discovered her ugliness and I broke away from it. I have no intentions to go back. Ever.

Hi Chris,

It is entirely normal that you don't trust women anymore, after the way you have been hurt. You need to heal from those wounds on an emotional level, and that takes time (months, maybe even years); give it the time it needs, some day you will be able to trust again.

Also, it is an indicator of a good woman if she understands that you need healing time, and is prepared to wait. The narcs-bpds cannot afford such delays...

Don't underestimate the wisdom you have under your belt now. You already pointed out that you can now spot the red flags; it is an ability that many good men are still missing, and it will be a great help in creating the life that you want.

The phone call was her, no doubt about it. She called from her father's place in hopes that you would pick up from another number.

She's polling if you are still on the radar. She needs a new victim, and since she knows how to play your strings, you present a shortcut for her to get where she wants; a new victim needs all the theater and buildup from zero, which takes a lot of time and effort from her.

Don't be the shortcut, be the void...


Jack

I believe its true, about the short cut thing. Who knows, so bizzare that months later of no contact. The past reappears.

I think it was her, and I know what she was doing. She wanted to peak my curiosity. To call her father back, or, to call her back asking what her father wanted. As crazy as it sounds, this way it would look like, I initiated contact and this way it would show her, that there is something on the end of this rope. All the while it was a "accident" that the phone call was made.

I know this method. You know how? Long time ago when this whole mess erupted, she told me "I always plan everything I do with precision, I do everything for a reason to get a outcome, if not, I always have other plans in order".

Insanity.

Amazing, isn't it, how they can turn around anything to suit their story?

Those people make great actors & politicians...


Unfortunately no one told her that in order to become happy in life, she should use her planning skills on her professional life, and not her private one...

There IS a difference between those 2 ...



Jack

Jack[/quote]

And this whole time I was a puppet trying to keep her satisfied, I felt so idiotic. Fell in love with a illusion. [/quote]

We all fell in love with the illusion. They mirrored us and worked their way into our hearts. How could we have not fallen for it?