It seems to me that the biggest hold our narcs get over us is the sex and love bombing.
It's all about hooking us by how they made us "feel."

If you really look at narcs, what makes them tick is their appearance, money, status, popularity, and sexual seduction.

They are basically at the mercy of all of their desires and wants.

Not to get religious here, but isn't overcoming all of these one dimensional aspects of our lives what Christianity is all about?
Instead of being slaves to our bodies it is about something more lasting. It is about true relationships that are based on love, sharing and commitment, as opposed to "What can I steal from this man, including his money and his soul."

I know that there are many narcs in the church also.
But, I am talking about individually overcoming the traps of your life. Then finding something lasting and fulfilling.

Maybe I just need a vacation.

Or a new job.....something over your head a bit. Challenge yourself. Idle hands are the devil's playthings.

Good point, NLB, I have arrived at the same conclusion.

We have to stop following what our feelings tell us to do, and start to understand and see through it all.

Isn't it like that for everyone (even narcs) :

If you only follow your feelings in life, you'll get into trouble in the end, guaranteed.
It is only the ones that use their minds while living, that stay out of trouble.

We gave in to our (physical & emotional) needs, and paid the price.


More and more I start to see this ordeal as a necessary part of my life, to become a better person.
- It is only now, by going through this hell, that I've started looking for answers to all those questions that I've had earlier on. And I've found the answers, allowing me to see clearly through all the fog that is created.
- Now that I went through the worst in personal treatment, I have lost my fear of people. Since I already survived the worst, there's nothing anyone can throw at me anymore to bring me off-base; my shyness is gone.
- Now that I understand how men and women have totally different agendas in life, I realize that I'm the only one who needs to create the life that I want.
- I've recognized that my physical need is a weakness, so I'm working on becoming a stronger and more independent person on that aspect.
- Now that I know that she only trusts whatever her own feelings tell her, I am able to discard her remarks as those of a deluded person, and not worth my energy. Therefore, I can now concentrate on the important parts of life, like my kids.

The future is looking good...

Jack

Guys,

While I understand where everyone is coming from and I've been there myself - we need to be careful of not demonizing every woman because of the actions of a few. Yes all here have had contact with one or multiple examples of bad women but just like we know that bad men exist and we're not them... so it is with the opposite gender.

Denying our intuitive instincts is not a good cause - yes apply wisdom (experience + learning) to life, but lets apply that wisdom ....wisely.

Like Jack, who's points I broadly agree with I too now understand that women are as much like us as ....well us, but they process differently and have different EMOTIONAL outlook and needs to us. Understanding that is a real eye opener.

Pull up a sandbag - story time.

My narc the younger once told me that her father said she "always made bad decisions" - in truth until I had understanding - so did I - her decisions were/are truly self destructive. But apply the understanding that :-

a: PDI's use the emotional (instinctive) centers of their brain, (lizard brain) There is no cognitive interaction when they make that the decision. She truly has no cognitive forethought = stupid. For example, any man makes a pass and lizard brain reacts with hello I'm available! - no cognitive thought of consequences or the current relationship. That shame comes too slow, and always too late.

b: IMHO a PDI REACTS instead of responding - cognitive function always catches up in slow time with the emotional (only) decision they made... NOW they're "emotionally" committed to a bad stupid decision and with such low self esteem - they defend it vehemently instead of putting up their hands and saying ooops!. A bad decision on their part degrades the mask or because of their low self esteem threatened the relationship - who'd want a woman who makes mistakes...? Also, they can't forgive themselves - so nether can you = defend to the death.


I cannot condone anyone for reacting... it's something left over from the swamp and we all have it. But as adult human beings most have the ability to cognitively function before we do stupid (most of the time), or have the self esteem to say sorry and make amends. PDIs dont have this capability.

I believe that PDIs live for one emotional driver and one driver only - EMOTIONAL SAFETY. Because in their eyes - they'd needed to; it's instinctive with no cognitive function and is basically an example of flight fight or freeze reaction which sits in all of us.

It sucks for us, and it sucks to be them. Nothing can fix them, because nothing reaches that instinctive part of their brain - it's hard wired. All we can do is understand and learn to recognize this lizard brain in action and see it for what it is. The problem is - even if YOU do understand - your fighting a reactive intuitive response to fight, defend or run - which they DO NOT understand.

Recognizing that lizard brain reaction is learning and wisdom, not every woman reacts like that all the time, although, because of the emotional nature of a woman (meaning they think more emotionally than logically) - it can be a tough call. It's the PDIs who do... ALWAYS react and defend that reaction; applying that wisdom and knowing the consequences of ignoring it is whats important to us and all men.



that's my wisdom

Simply put.....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PRQCrbXvxBo

Good info, Chump, and so true.

I've found also that it helps to surf the net daily for pics of normal people doing it. It will give you the impression that everyone does it all the time, so it is not that special anymore. Takes the edge and the eagerness away from the subject.

For me it also helped to start regarding women as normal people with normal urges, just like me. They just happen to have different genitals, that's all; but the mystery and the pedestal under them has disappeared.

Also, for yourself, it helps to regard your physical urge as a lizard brain taking over control when faced with a possibility for the act. Over time, you start to recognize when you're losing control and the lizard taking over. And the better you know your demon, the easier it will be to keep the control.

Just my 2 cents


Jack