Here is an interesting video by Sam Vaknin.
As I watched it I realized that I am not sorry for
things I've done. I sometimes wonder if I'm the
one to blame. I think I am.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipeAbT6kiW8

Hay Mike,

I've been through the same process as your describing. Sam Vaknin is a diagnosed PDI and he knows it (diagnosed or not they all do). BUT.......

There is a massive difference in a PDI and a non PDI in the way they accept accountability. The very fact that you admit that you feel bad, were sometimes at fault, or that your trying to see if you were... is a sure sign that your NOT, (reverse catch 22).

Ever known a narc to (emotionally honestly) admit to fault and try to truly resolve something they did?

Nah! me nether. I've only seen them fake it.

We have a responsibility - for sure in that we allow/tolerate the abuse because that's how WE were/are or that we were/are conditioned to accept it - the PDIs have an intuition for this acceptance in us - and rage, or run when we stand up for ourselves.

Because of our conditioning (in my case since childhood...thanks mum) we do become desensitized - we do become devil dancers, some of us know the tune and steps and the words to the song so well, and some of us even enjoy the dance because it's all we've known.

What's tolerable for us - is often seen by the majority as intolerable. There's your dichotomy!

No mate... it's not you.... you did what you did FOR EMOTIONAL SURVIVAL and as unpleasant as it was/is.... it WAS necessary.

Wow. It is good you are being honest here. Maybe you were the problem. If I were you I would seek therapy. Haven't I seen you on the board for a while? What made the big change? Where there some life changing situations that brought to the realization that you were actually the problem and not her? I am fascinated to hear this. Is this why you have been absent for so long on this forum? I always thought what you had to say was relevant but now I wonder who we have been dealing with. Are you a narc, or personality disordered?

Nice bit of trolling there Peter.

Way to kick a bloke in the metaphorical nuts and so worthy of what this forum has degenerated to.

If you truly are interested and not just trying to make yourself look big at Mikes expense by taking shots at him, you may want to consider phrasing it better - to appear less passive aggressive.

Just a thought.

I agree. It seems as the original post was genuinely reflecting and might be on to something. Peter seems to be trolling.

Thanks New Me and "anonymous". I really needed to get that off my chest and then "Peter" comes along and says I'm the narc? I think he's a troll. This board isn't what it used to be. Glad I have some friends on here if not in real life. I really do wish sometimes that some of the folks on here would revisit. I really enjoyed ann and what she had to say.

Just to relate a short story about how I do know I'm not the problem is one time i got really drunk and passed out in the guest bedroom and by "now ex" girlfriend put a cucumber in my ass and it really hurt my feelings. I still can't stand to walk down the produce isle without flashbacks. Then I rented a copy of "Brokeback Mountain", and i have to say I enjoyed it. I feel really guilty now.

Mike,

If indeed that is Mike - or whoever you are

You need to have a lie down in a dark room and stop drinking the petrol, turpentine and drain cleaner cocktails pal.

I agree. I'm layin down in the dark right now watching Brokeback Mountain for the fourth time. I think there are some great scenes in it. A c@ck tail sounds good right now.