So all has been silent for 7 months. My ex and I parted ways and I never planned to speak to her again after i caught her lying (again). I found it strange that after the first two weeks, she just randomly blocked me on facebook. Cool actually. I was gonna do the same anyway.

Silence....for months.

Then, her friend starts texting me asking to hang out. I politely declined.

Silence for a couple weeks. Next I get a phone call from her dad on easter sunday, which I didnt answer. I did call him back days later and the brief conversation was very respectful. He said he didnt call me. As a matter of fact, he didnt even know the number to my phone, so im assuming he erased it. Strange.

Yesterday. My mother told me, she could have sworn she drove past the house slowly. She couldn't be sure it was her, but her car is easily recognizable, its a 50/50 there. But also, hours later I was browsing on facebook. And who popped up in someone elses feed? You guessed it. Her. I was thinking to myself, why would she unblock me? Honestly? I havent bothered her in 7 months, I had no initiative to try. Ive been nothing but silent. Is she trying to open the door of communication? But by me initiating it? Its not happening, so I took the liberty of immediately blocking her myself.

I find all this to be very odd, or am I just being paranoid? She has not directly contacted me though.

Your insight please.

Hi Chris,

Definitely hoover.

Women never choose the obvious direct way; everything is done undercover, using subtle hints and nudges.

The reasons :
- As it's not obvious, she can always deny it ("You're just imagining things");
- She saves her reputation (crawling back after screwing up);
- She tries to put the initiative in your camp, giving her all the more power later on (you were the one who got back in touch, so you wanted to re-unite, so you've got to work for it - serve the queen).

It's all strategy, and pretty much expected with those kind of people.


My advice : do not pay any attention to it, you've got a life to live.


Jack

And also im going to be 100% real with you. Seeing that photo made me physically sick. Its like I got punched in the chest and all of that pain comes crashing down to remind me. Its like feeling comes back, of being hurt. Remembing the nights I layed in disbelief and torment, the nervousness, the feeling on edge, the constant trying to please her. I never want to feel that way ever again. Its enough to actually ruin my mood completely. A couple weeks ago I seen her driving past me. She didnt see me, at least I hope not. But I went home feeling completely out of it and had to shower. Its actually that bad. The only way to get away from it, was to act like she never existed. Im doing it. I feel like its a disease I have to quarantine. Its the best way to describe it.

Take it easy, it is normal what you're feeling.

You've been in an abusive situation, and any reminder of it will instill the emotions from the past again. It's like a habit: your body reacts on autopilot to the memories of the past.

Like habits, it takes time and focus to undo them. There is a different life outside of the things that have happened to you, and you are able to react in another way.

Learn to recognize your physical reaction to those cues, and then make a conscious effort to react in a different way : instead of becoming sick in the stomach, tell yourself "This is an abusive person, who has hurt me a lot in the past. I have let it happen, and that was a mistake. It's all right now, I'm wiser, and she will not be able to hurt me anymore".

You'll get better at this with practice, and it'll become easier once you start to get convinced of your own words. Auto-suggestion is quite useful in these matters.



Jack

Thanks jack. Its been 7 months and I still feel that pain. Its gotten much easier to deal with than it was back then. Its just the seeing her part that still gets me. I can go weeks without thinking of her until a reminder surfaces and I get that feeling. What a painful memory. It was a nightmare.

Lately ive been living my life though. Trying to better my life as well. Im surrounded by good friends that push me. Im grateful.

Hey Chris,
Mine has done crazy **** as well,she contacted me through a fake profile,lotsa nutty stuff,Im on another site so im getting insight into Narc's,like you I go in and out of the pain,the realization that everything was a lie.

"Narcs possess an audacious ability to Hoover FB isn't a prerequisite to ensnare one into their coils. No... They tend to do their work best by proxy,in other words covertly,
proxy is using a secondary source which could mean another human being whether that be friend or foe. However stalking by proxy these days is fake FB accounts many narcs have a fascination with impersonating law enforcement to get your current address and phone number. A good narc will never contact you directly! Lastly female narcs use imbecilic males to personify a happy relationship when the intent is too create mischief and jealously."

"A classic example of a female narc who is unable to get her bf to marry her is too find another man flirt with him give him access to her cellphone then when the text messages come in they inform their bf that the guy is a stalker."

So my thing is follow my gut,this is such a insane situation,I never knew this could happen,and its not gender based,this is NPD.

Also there is 2 types,and not sure if that is gender based.

cerebral and Somantic

As painful as its been,now I'm finding it interesting.

NOTE
some and part of my comment has come from another site.