My relationship of 3 months with a 35 year old woman (Im a 45 year old man) ended last night- thank god, I feel like I escaped from living hell. I am trying to make sense of my X's irrational behavior and emotional abuse- it was so unwarranted and made no sense. Im glad it over, but i feel hurt and humiliated. i might be a LONG time before I date again

She had been married twice, and claimed she had been abused by her x;s, as well as by her father.

She also recovering from a brain injury from a car accident a year ago- and she did admit that it changed her personality- could this be a cause of her abuse?


I made a point to show her kindness and affection. Im a good man, Im a special education teacher, and work with kids with disabilities. i never once yelled at her never called her names. When she said the train always made her ill, I drove 300 miles on 3 occasions to pick her up.

We live in seperate cities, she insists I would have to move to be closer to her- shed never move to be closer to me.

We she talks, it is all about her. When she had problems, that was the focus. I was called selfish and self absorbed if i ever brought up my interests or troubles


In the end, she was verbally abusive to me, calling me names, psycho anaylizing me, calling me pathetic. I tried to rationally discuss our problems and assess what was happening, but she yelled and belittled me. I have never been spoken to that way by an adult, and cant understand why she treated me this way

I started to suspect she liked my company because i wound up paying the tab every time we ate or went shopping. When I once suggtested she pay for a lunch, she flipped, calling me a cheapskate! I took her to my parents cottage on a lake= she avoilded me, but enjoyed the lake- she later said I was in her space and smothering- she totally avoided me- I felt she used me just to get a chance to go swimming

Reaching her was not easy, her cell goes straight to voicemail- so i left some messages saying we have some issues we need to discuss- she left me messages that were little more than name calling

The last time we sppke, she called me a 'pathetic peice of sh"t who will never ever find anyone'. and a long list of things about me she aparent,y hated- im too fat, i boring, im old, im lousy in bed. Hurtful stuff. I never responded with venom.

I tried to tell her there is no need for name calling, if its not working, lets discuss this and end it calmly. and peacefully go our seperate ways. Maybe wed fare better as friends- she got furious, called me a f*cking psycho and said I belong in an asylum. I think she was engaging in projection- ascribing to me all the behavior that in fact defined her. Her words before handing up was'I hope you die you piece of sh:t'

I was stunned. Im a very laid back peaceful person, I have never experienced such venom- and why??? What did I do to provoke her anger? I treated her with kindness.

I feel such embarrassment and shame that I opened my heart to such a person, and Im embarrassed I brought her to my parents home, She said something that was very hurtful- she said when she talked to my parents 'It was very enlightening, i discovered what a pathetic loser you are'. When she said that I felt humiliation.

Why would a person be so cruel? I did NOTHING to deserve such hostility or cruelty.


Im glad its over, but Im hurt , angry and humiliated- How do I move on? How can I trust a woman again?

Hi Charles,

You've gone through something most of us here had to go through as well : emotional abuse.

I've had my fair share of it, and look at things quite differently now.

Good thing you got after only 3 months, most of use here were in it for a lot longer.



Jack

I thank god I am out of that relationship. Her behavior since we split is confirming my belief about her vindictive, narcisistic and borderline personality- a mutual friend dropped and blocked me on Facebok- i discovered from his brother she told Him that I had been abusive to her!!!! I had shown that woman nothing but kindness!!! I never yelled at her or showed any abuse. She abused me!!!! Even when she called me names like'f***ing loser' and 'psycho', I tried calmly have discussion to resolve our problems. Now Im worried shell try and undermine and sabotage my reputation with my friends and career. I want nothing more to do with her

Hi Charles,

It's the classic reaction you get after ending things with them : they do everything they can to make you the black sheep; it usually works because the last place people look for a culprit is with the one who makes the victim claims.

Lying, cheating, it's all part of their basic behavior. Or should I say "survival instinct", because that's what they're actually doing all the time.

If you go deeper into the subject, you'll discover surprising causes for this behavior. But it is a very long and hard road there...


Jack

Education always help(to move on a feel) But trusting again is hard to do

Light House
http://lightshouse.org/lights-blog/#axzz2brWaMzP2

Shrink for men
http://shrink4men.wordpress.com/a-shrink-for-men-index/

Heart - 2 - Heart
http://www.heart-2-heart.ca/men/


Inside Narcissism
http://www.heart-2-heart.ca/save-yourself/narcissism-video-vaknin-01.php

It will be a LONG time before I trust another woman. Things i told her in confidence, and at times when i had self doubt she later brought up as things to ridicule. She was very, very cruel, Tellin me I was 'pathetic' in bed was her favorite insult. Believe me, she really needs to look in the mirror before hurling that charge at anyone

In the beginning she always needed me to tell her I cared about her and really liked her, as she claimed her x;s abused her and never cared. I now wonder if she was the one who abused them, because she sure as hell tried to make my life miserable

“Once a woman turns against you, forget it. They can love you, then something turns in them. They can watch you dying in a gutter, run over by a car, and they'll spit on you.” ― Charles Bukowski, Women

“Once a woman turns against you, forget it. They can love you, then something turns in them. They can watch you dying in a gutter, run over by a car, and they\'ll spit on you.” ― Charles Bukowski, Women

Charles
im sorry you went thru that brother.Im also very glad you were wise enough to get out of that relationship as soon as you did and with as little financial ,emotional or mental damage.

Some men who have posted here ,a relationship with an abusive women have cost them $1,000s and legal problems from thing like false accusations and time spent on a therapists couch.

Relationships with toxic women have cost innocent men houses,cars,bank accounts,credit damaged or destroyed,false accusation(DV),mental trauma PTSD and many other things.

I would like for men to learn the early signs of a toxic relationship and how to exit it without further serious problems ,even if he has to sneak out the door in the middle of the night.