I've been in a relationship for 13 years and married 8 of those years. For many of those years I've been lead to believe that I am insecure, jealous, and not man enough. Even though I know better than that, if it's fed to you repeatedly over time, you start questioning yourself and slip into acceptance. Only to find out that I was being emotionally abused all along. Wow.

Hi,

Yep, been there.

It's all a show, hiding the fact that they need you; fogging you up with your weakness (self-doubt), so you don't try to find her real motives.

And the fact that you start believing it after a sufficient time is only human. As long as the story is repeated long enough, you will start to accept it as reality. Through history, people have done really crazy stuff because of this.



Jack

Jack is right. It is a long disinformation campaign to keep you weak and under her control. Women really are the insecure ones. As proof, openly flirt with another woman in front of her, say a waitress, see how she reacts. Does she go ballistic? Of course, she is more afraid of losing you.

By her telling you that you are not man enough, she is either testing you to see if she wants to keep you and at the same time making you doubt whether any other woman would want you. Especially if you fail the test and she rubs your nose in it.

By her telling you that you are jealous, I assume she has guy friends that she communicates with. We all know here that guys cant be "just friends" with girls unless there is absolutely no physical attraction whatsoever. (gay) Read: Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UaltsG5OiWw

Before you know it she will be boinking one of these guy friends, or maybe she already is. Even if confronted with undeniable evidence she will still deny, deny, deny.

You need to work on you. Sever the emotional hose, knock her off the pedestal and tell her "no" when you don't agree or approve of something she does. Establish your boundaries (better late than never) Once you start to treat her like she is expendable, she will treat you better. If she doesn't, well then you will find out how much she really values you.

Thanks guys for the insight. For many years I've always worn the hat as counselor to many of my friends as they battle with confusing issues in their relationships. Helping others has always been a true joy for me, but when it comes to me and my situation,who's there for me. If YOU came to ME not knowing what to do, how can I turn around and ask you for advice. Can you see how this can be frustrating over the years? I am so glad I found this forum, because now I can talk to someone who understands the whirlwind that I find myself trapped in from day to day. The mindset of a narc is ever changing and know one in their right mind can keep up with it. If you dare, that's what makes YOU go insane.