Hi I have thought I was a carer of someone with depression and recently fibromyalgia and rheumatism. And I have been thinking that it was the illness that has caused the abuse. I will write my full story which has all the similarities as other stories I have seen on this site at some point.

Do narcissists know what they do and how they do it. Are they aware of the plots because I don't think she knows what she is doing and how she is doing it?

And how do I break away and set boundary's and stay alive/sane after being broken on the wheel for 31 years and nine months?

How do I build my confidence back up?

Please Help!

Hello Graham,

Welcome here, you've come to the right place.

Yes, they know what they are doing. They need you, but fool you into believing you need them. It is all a cloaked show to get what they need.

First of all, you need to work on your mental health. Educate yourself on emotional blackmail, so you learn what is going on under the hood, and how to react to it. Once you realize there are better ways to handle those issues, your confidence will start to improve.

Second of all, work on your physical health. A healthy body can take much more stress than an exhausted one, giving you the edge in times of discussion. Work out, watch what you eat, and get those energy levels back up there. That in itself is enough to regain your self-respect.

That is for starters. It will be a long way to recovery, but it is definitely worth it.


Jack