Here we go again. Man haters unite. The Ray Rice video is once again raising the issue of domestic violence in both positive and negative ways. In a positive way, it is clearly demonstrating the callousness of a person who perhaps worse than punching his then fiancée, treats her like garbage after dragging her across the floor. Pretty heinous stuff.

On the other side of the spectrum is this: the Ray Rice incident perpetuates the stereotype that all men are violent by nature. That women never engage in such violence. And that physical scars are much more discerning than emotional and verbal abuse.

I am a man. During my separation and divorce to a narcissistic woman, my ex-wife verbally and emotionally abused me. She threatened me. She concocted stories about me, about my parenting and my relationship with my kids. She went to Child Protective Services multiple times. She harassed me with up to ten e-mails per day. Three years running.

When all of this erupted, I reached out to a social agency for help. They literally turned me away, instead choosing to support my ex-wife who claimed all sorts of things against me. This only increased the conflict.

Today, I am speaking out against this agency and particular staff who discriminated against me simply because I am a man. I am telling others about how agencies and institutions coddled my ex-wife while she was verbally harassing and abusing me. I am speaking out about the so-called experts in the field who went out of their way to enable my ex-wife's abusive behaviour because she was a woman and a high profile member of the community. I am speaking out about professionals who empower high conflict individuals because of who they are, not how they behave. And I am speaking out against the damage professionals did to my kids, all while invoking the need to “reduce the conflict for the sake of the children”.

In the end, some must understand that it is not children and women who are abused, but men, too. A U.S Department of Justice study recently indicated that 15% of reported domestic violence incidents occurred against men – or nearly 150,000 cases per year. Most professionals and statisticians believe this number is low as men are prone to underreport domestic violence incidents. Many consider it embarrassing. Some are too scared to act. Others don’t know where to go for help.

I can see why. For it is troubling that certain agencies and professionals discriminate against men. In my case, the social agency made excuses that they are not properly funded to support the needs of men. But based on my experience, abuse is abuse. And one abuse victim is too much – whether that individual be a man, woman or child.

So while the Ray Rice incident is tough to watch and difficult to digest, men also experience abuse - physical, emotional and verbal. I sure wish more people cared about our trauma, as well.

Thank You Thank You Thank You for speaking out for men who are suffering from this kind of abuse also. For many years society has embraced the woman and has numerous of support groups setup around the country to help them. But there aren't many groups for the men who are abused just as much, if not more. I guess the mentality is," suck it up and quit whining you big baby". Not wanting to fall into that stereotype, we as men endure the the abuse in fear of losing respect from our peers. Just look at a typical guys night out. If there are five guys in the group, 2-3 will complain about how their wife or girlfriend constantly nags about the smallest of things and how it's driving them up the wall. We laugh it off as women and their controlling ways, not knowing that it's another form of abuse.
Thank You for shedding light on such a dark subject. d

Hi Healing,

Agree with you, men are the new underdogs.

Just because we don't like to talk about our emotions and weaknesses, doesn't mean we're not being abused.

My view is that men and women are not all that different if you leave out the biological differences. New statistics show that at home, women start a physical fight even more often than men. And that women are the gender that turns mostly to emotional abuse. But because this information has to pass a female rights guard before reaching government institutions, these statistics never see the official day of light. Censorship anyone?

Bottom line : both genders are equally capable of inflicting damage.

Feminism has rightly revealed the physical abuse happening in a lot of homes. But, as an exclusively female focused movement, that is the only kind of abuse they have focused on. As their campaigns have become very visible (without an initiative showing the other side of the story) society now has the impression that it is the only form of abuse in existence.

It is long time for a concerted campaign from the other side. We men need to step up and dare to admit publicly that we are being abused. No need to put it under the rug anymore, an abuser should be called abuser, and preferably in public. Men's rights movements should step up their efforts and campaign just like the feminists did; society needs to learn that there's a new kind of abuse around the block, and its perpetrators are mostly women. It is time that this new abuse is publicly condemned, in the same way male abuse has been.

Coincidence or not, a lot of men are now in the same abusive situation women were in before feminism started...

And if you go further into the subject, feminism has actually become a gender discrimination movement by definition. It might have started as an equal-rights movement, but over time the extremists have taken over. The loudest voices always get heard, and the silent masses did not object when it was time to do so. History repeating itself...

Feminism now has become a movement that actively strives to demand more rights for women than men, making it a sexist discriminatory ulcer in our society that should be removed. In the end, there is only place for an equalist movement, that considers rights and behaviors in the same way for both genders. Only then can we have peace...


Jack

Jack...you are right on the mark. And just to add, the gender discrimination that you mention is embedded into the mantra and structure of many social service agencies who are supposed to be equitable and treat everyone similarly. Not in my case. Not even close.

It is well known secret here in the burbs of Toronto that specific social service agencies stack the deck against men. I've been told by someone with direct knowledge that one agency in particular hires women who have been physically abused by men. Geez, I wonder why this particular agency turned their backs on me when I asked for support - but not my ex-wife. They ran right to her corner, and enabled her high conflict personality by spewing lies about me, making false allegations against me and ultimately calling good ol' Child Protective Services to investigate me.

Good times. That is why I am speaking out locally against this agency and against the counsellor who backed my ex's every move. Disgusting.

And it's interesting to note that only half a century ago, the roles of men and women were inverted in this game.

If you see today the power that female interest groups have in society, like promoting men as buffoons in the media, pushing political decisions that disadvantage men, etc, you start wondering what the male counterpart is doing... Oh wait, that's true, they're being attacked directly by the female groups.

Women are no oppressors?

Women the weak gender?

Maybe in the past...

Admitted, a correction was necessary, and it took a while to get there, but now the equilibrium has been overshot, and the balance starts to tilt dangerously far to the other side.

The natural reaction would be a strong counter-initiative towards equilibrium again. Wonder when we'll see that...

Yes Ray Rice, I asked a woman the other day if in the first video released she happened to see his soon to be wife stumble into the elevator doors upon entry? She said no I then said she was loaded to the 9's and so was he. He then said something up close to her face then he backed away and she lunged at him correct? Who knows what she did squeeze his balls say something terrible? Well the women only see what they see men know when they are pushed in a corner (he was cornered) you strike back ....... end of line was not right just the way it really was and no one knows but them.