Do you actually ever reach recovery? Or is this a lifelong process?

Hi there,

You do, but it takes time. Depends on the person & situation how long.

The mind is extraordinary in recovering, but you need to know what to do.



Jack

I think it depends on the person and the situation. While I am "healing well", I still have bad days. I have remarried after nearly three years of hell and have a wonderful life. But what my ex did to me and my relationship with my kids still affects me today. Not the affair - that was easy getting over. It was her threats, her lies and manipulation, and her abuse of the legal system because of her "elite" status in the community.

These days, I am less naïve and less sympathetic than I was previous to my narcissist ex's antics. I am also less trusting, have more stress and headaches. I have no doubt that I suffer(ed) from some form of PTSD - at least that's what I've been told.

But I look at it this way. My ex has to look herself in the mirror everyday. And that is the worst fate of them all.

You know Healing, since they have no empathy or remorse, they probably quite enjoy looking at themselves in then mirror.

Unlike deep cuts or burns (physical), emotional wounds are far more damaging. You can apply all sorts of bandages and ointments to heal the structure of your body, but healing the structure of the mind is a little more in-depth. First off, you're left with memories (good and bad) which cannot be erased. Depending on how long you two were together will determine how long the abuse took place. She knows what she has done to you mentally and is very proud of it in a sick way. But the first step to healing is to show her that her voodoo spell has worn off. Now keep in mind that you are human and you do have feelings so, she will be able to pluck you every now and then. But you have to show her that the Jedi mind tricks are not working anymore. Trust me, she'll exert more energy than you by try to get you to react to her way, therefore tiring herself out to the point of it not being worth her time. Stand firm - stand strong soldier.

Worn is right, they live off the power that they have over others.

The worst realization for a narc is that (s)he simply doesn't count at all in this world. Get on with your life without her and be happy with it, and it will eat her up inside. She will regard you as a one of her past prey that managed to escape, and regard you as one of her failures.

She won't show it, but it will be there. And there's nothing she can do about it. As long as you ignore her.

You know what to do now; live the life you want; you are the master and creator of your future.


Jack